It may take a while, but if your marriage survives they will forgive you.

Its not really your secret to contain, but it is your marriage and you can do anything you want with it, even kick out the 3rd wheel by exposing the secret. You are totally allowed to do that, its your marriage too. Let your husband know she is not welcome in our marriage, and you are willing to fight for it.

Other things you should do is inform the OWH, and the OW family. maybe they can be contacted by sending messages to them individually on FB. Let your H family know also, especially his mom and dad.

Offer to provide evidence you have collected if they doubt you. Keep that data in a safe place away from the house. Like store it on a secured google docs account.

You really are NOT sabotaging your marriage!!! You are doing the best thing you can to save it. Trust me. He will get over you exposing it.

I got all kinds of verbal abuse thrown at me when I exposed and I was sure I had done the completely wrong thing. But he got over it.

[quDo you know the OW name? Is she on FB? I would get all of her friends from her profile and send them all messages saying she has been cheating with your husband..and so on. [/quote]


I think OW has blocked me. I used to be able to see her profile picture.

OW blocked me completely on FB, like she didn't even exist in searches by me anymore. It's very easy. What you do is log in under someone else's name (do you have a friend's account you can use) and look at her that way. UNLESS she has changed her security settings so no one can see her account but friends.

And if you can get back onto her profile, PRINT OFF HER FRIENDS LIST. You may need that for exposure.

Definatly save a copy of her friends, they have not blocked you, nor her husband, or her mom and dad. You can send them individual messages because they will never see your post. Let your H closest friends know, and his family too. Make the thing Nuclear.

^AGREE AGREE AGREE!!!

Okay. Got my sisters FB account. She has 267 friends. We have no mutual friends other than H. Is there a way to mass message these people or do I do then separately. Any suggestions on what to write to them?

to clearify OW has 267 friends

Yes I would do a mass message to them ALL!! Let's show her that she can't [censored] up your marriage!

AHFOL-

I am so sorry you are here. I am not one of the "vets" on here, but I told Married Forever about your post so hopefully she will be along soon. I commend you for trying to save your marriage but please keep this in mind. My WH and I have been together since right after high school, almost 20 years. When I found out about his A we had 2 children and one that was on the way in 4 days. Three months later I found out in addition to the A he had 2 ONS. The first ONS was 2 years BEFORE we had our first child. If I could go back to that point in our lives (where you are) I would RUN! The pain, anger, resentment, and overwhelming feeling of being "trapped" because of my children in unbearable at times.

I think about what it would have been like if I had known before we had children and now was in a loving relationship with another man, one that would take his vows seriously.

The decision to have children should be a joint one. If you want children and he doesn't, leave and find a man who does want them and will live by his vows. Trust me you do not want to go throught this again where chilren are involved.

I beleive you have to message them individually. It is probably best to try to pick out the friends that matter most like her parents, H, and bros and sisters. You might deduce who her family is by common last names.

Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment, but I have to try to save this M.

I would agree on this. I messaged OW's SIL and her husband. That got the message through. She later told my WH that she was surprised anyone in her family still spoke to her. I would avoid messaging children. :P

What is the worse punishment, losing your husband to an affair, or doing your best to save your marriage?.

You have to stay strong, you are doing what ever it is to save your M, let him know you will do anything to get him back to you, even if that means you have to expose her friends and family.

Be careful with messaging too many people all at once on FB because your account can and will get frozen. When I did my exposure of POSOW on FB, I did the family. Then POSOW changed her settings. I couldn't see her friend's list anymore. I only wish I would have been able to get the message out to all of her friends.

You can type the letter and 'copy' it. Then just paste it into each email. That'll save a little time.

There's a standard letter people have posted in the past for a facebook exposure. I'll see if I can find it to help ya out. ETA: Found it - see below

AHFOL - stay strong, you are doing the right thing. Your marriage can survive his anger, it won't survive his continuing affair.

_____________

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, ____. We have been married for ___years. They have been having this affair since_______ according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

Thanks everyone. I have to run off to work right now, will be back on later.