"Passive resistance" - that is a GREAT way to describe Plan B. Keep in mind, too, that Plan B is to preserve any love you have left for your WH. I think many begin to view Plan B as an additional tool to get their WS back, and while it can have that effect, it's inception was rooted in the idea of protecting the BS from any more wayward abuse.

It's a win-win no matter how you look at it.

NP,

I am sorry that you are where you are, however, I think you know deep down why that is.

Now it is a matter of learning from the past. I think there are quite a few of us with experience that have tried to help you avoid the pitfalls. They are no longer posting as it isn't getting through. I remember on Friday reading some of your sitch thinking this is like watching a train wreck that you know is going to happen, just a matter of timing. I even tried to not read after that bc it was somewhat sickening to see, especially the well-intentioned people advising you not to LB...

I hope it all works out with the minimal pain for your little ones at this point.

ba

I agree with the others.

My hope was that you would get an IMMEDIATE appointment with Steve so that he could have laid out the requirements of recovery. Was he not available?

Your WH just got to come home.

Obviously you can't work on a marriage while you are continuing an affair. So send that message to all of them -- OW, WH, and OWH. Expose the ongoing contact. Send an Email to OW and OWH exposing her phony concern. State that you will not try to work on the marriage until all contact between OW and WH has ended for LIFE.

Do you have an attorney lined up who can assist you with legally forcing him out? And protecting you financially?

Absolutely pack his things and change the locks while he is out tomorrow. Is your MIL supportive of you?

Thats what I was hoping for too, Lexxxy. I thought she would get an IMMEDIATE appointment with steve also.....I am sooo sorry NP...You have a lot of good people helping you here, hang in there for you little ones...one and one to come.

Thanks everyone. You all were right - you gave great advice and I was so desperate to believe differently, that he could come home and we could work it out, that I didn't take it. What a mistake!

I tried to call Steve to set up an appointment but they didn't call me back until Friday afternoon - at which point the earliest appointment I was able to make was Monday morning around noon. I told WH about this appointment and he seemed willing to keep it with me, which at the time I thought was encouraging.

When he got up this morning, he acted like nothing had happened at all, and went back to being "normal." I didn't say anything, even though it was hurting me. We went to church, out for ice cream, and now he's outside doing yard work. He hasn't touched his phone all day. Before he went outside I finally asked what was going on in his head and right away, the alien appeared, and said that the argument we had last night was a big deal and that after tha the wasn't sure he was willing to work on the marriage anymore. He wouldn't even commit to not talking to OW anymore.

So we left it at that. Fortunately he never unpacked any of the stuff I packed up last week for him so while he's out tomorrow I can set it outside and put a new Plan B letter on it.

It looks like it will be just me keeping the appointment tomorrow with Steve.

I am thinking perhaps you should hold off on the relaunch of B until after he possibly talks to Steve.

It would be good if he is willing to talk with him.

Steve will get a better idea of what you are dealing with here and how to proceed and then you will get additional direction as you quite likely go to B.

Remember to be in firm but not lovebusting mode as you do this.

It might be that your wayward will not talk to Steve but the appointment is tomorrow and once you go dark B....that oppurtunity is gone unless your wayward gets it together.

Am I silly here folks? What do others think?

PLEASE dont give up on us people... I just posted this on my thread as well, but I the post where someone said vets had stopped posting here on NPs thread because they were giving advice and it wasnt being taken.

Please dont let NP, or even me, not taking your guys advice make you not want to give it.

If you have good advice, and you feel we need to hear it, dont DJ us by saying "they arent going to listen anyway." If you want to post something, post.

Obviously, you dont have to post. This forum isnt married to us newbs and hasnt made any formal commitment to us. You arent obligated to post. Just... please dont let the idea that "they wont listen anyway" stop you from posting.

It may feel like yelling at a wall, but the walls have ears, and sometimes, they just need the right words to open those ears. Please dong give up on us

I'll put it this way...if you have a friend who is complaining about something and you give advice that you KNOW will work...and they don't take it, and keep complaining...

Aren't you going to avoid that friend?

Heck no, not when she's pregnant and vulnerable.

Just as her WH has an "A addiction", she's got a little addiction of her own exacerbated by pregnancy hormones.

We've got to understand that her biology is part of the drive. Her body is ramping up to bond with a new baby within his family unit. Let's call it "new mommy fog".

Of course she wants her husband home and is hoping for the best. (What BW here at MB doesn't want that?) But heck, she's also very vulnerable and needs protecting. Unfortunately, her heart and mind is turning toward the father of her unborn baby and child, rightfully so. NP reaches for the man who should be a bulwark of protection, security and love at this time.

Here refuses to be that. That is one of the most difficult things for a pregnant mom or new mom to accept in her mind. It defies reason that a man can treat the mother of his own children this way.

NP needs to know someone is there for her, even if she isn't doing things perfectly.

Trust me, even if her WH comes out of the fog tomorrow and becomes the perfect spouse, NP will have extra struggles with the fact that he treated her this way during her pregnancy. It makes it harder to overcome.

Let's stay with NP and keep supporting her. Hopefully, her MB appt tomorrow will give her some guidance and strength to protect herself from her WH's madness.

THANK YOU, RMJ!! And thank you to those who kept posting, even if you thought I was wrong. I realize that good advice IS being given on here, and like BT said, please, don't stop posting just because you feel your advice won't be taken. I know that many of you have benefited from MB, and I think that's wonderful, and I AM doing my best to follow it as well.

I am hoping WH keeps his appointment with Steve and I tomorrow. Perhaps Steve can help us more than we've been helped before. I do have a lot of faith in MB.

For those of you who said it would be a trainwreck and that it was sickening to watch - I am trying to firm up here. We all know that's hard. And I am doing my best to get to be at that point. As I said, he came home, said he wanted to work on the marriage and I just was very desperate to believe him.

Hopefully we will get somewhere with Steve tomorrow, even if it means Plan B.

NP, There are alot of us here who will not give up one you, so please keep posting and we will help you as best we can. I completely understand how hard it is when your whole world as you know it has fallen apart and I agree with RMJ....your hormones are not helping you right now, but there is nothing you can do about that...

At this point AD's are sometimes recommended so the BS can be a little less devastated and can think more clearly...but you cannot do that, so you need our support and compassion...and I will be here. I am praying for you sweetie...

I'm not going anywhere, either, NP. If you're walking and you suddenly stop, that'll be me bumping into your back.

Okay, look. Your WH came home - great thing! He relapsed - not great. It would be great if it were simple, and he suddenly woke up and said "Okay, that's it - I'm all done with OW and I'm ready to get back to the marriage." But you know that's not how it works. You know about withdrawal. Look at that as a good thing - you knew on a level that this could happen, so it didn't come as a complete surprise, right? There are people out there who don't have MB and are witnessing withdrawal without knowing what it is or what to do about it! How sad is that? Your WH came home because he knew it was the right thing to do. The problem is that home = reality, and all that feel-good fantasy stuff was gone. That's what he was trying to get back by contacting OW.

So let's go from here. Talk to Steve, see if you can get WH on board to talk to him as well. This isn't going to be without some bumps in the road, so it's good that you'll be talking to Steve to get extra help.

This is going to work, NP. Hey, have you talked to OWH to let him know about the resumed contact?

Yup, we're here for you, even if I can't post much myself. Keep strong, NP!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!

Okay NP, you lived through the second worse nightmare of your life and LOOK, YOU SURVIVED. You can still salvage this.

While it can be frustrating to post to people who just seem to not follow the advice given, I understand how it is frustrating to have conflicting advice and not know which to follow. Even more interesting is when people come on and post to you AFTER you do something and tell you that you shouldn't have done that. It's hard to know. As long as you aren't argumentative and completely unwilling to follow the advice given, I will still post when I have something to say(just TRY to shut ME up )

Now, back to NP plan. Talk to Steve today and figure out where you are going to go from here. We will sit back and wait for you to tell us where you need a little push.

NP,

I did try to counsel you when WH came back...

If I thought you were a lost cause, I wouldn't post at all...

I am so glad for the support on here, so thank you for not giving up on me!

WH was back to his non-alien self last night. He was affectionate and tried spend time with me and made sure he answered his phone every time I called him while he was out. I don't THINK he contacted OW yesterday - he left his phone upstairs all day - we were apart a couple hours though, so who knows. I just don't know what to make of it - waiting until we talk to Steve.

We have our appointment in about an hour. We each completed the questionnaires, and after that, WH and I sat down and read the Basic Concepts together (I wanted to make sure he actually read them lol). He was pretty impressed and said it sounded amazing. He saved it to his Favourites in his Internet. So, I thought that was encouraging ... hopefully we get some good guidance from Steve.

Will keep you all updated!

I know that you will get great guidance with Steve, I am sure of that...

Going forward, consider switching phones with him at random times. And remember that that pesky alien may rear his ugly, infidelity-laden head again. Expect it so you're not blind-sided. But I want a pepperoni and anchovy pizza for making the right call on this one, because I'm telling you this is going to work out.

Let us know what happens with Steve!

NP -

As I'm sure you are realizing, infidelity has a way of changing everything. It changes everything that was, and changes everything that will be. One significant way I've noticed these changes is the complete loss of naivete, trust, security, faith in others... You are jaded. (This is only my experience, and BH's, so I'm not sure what others here have to say on that.)

You don't sound this way yet, and I would love if you could avoid it. I worry, though, that that will result in you being led to the slaughter, so to speak.

You still sound so hopeful, and I - as well as everyone else, given their posts - can understand why you would be. However. (There is always one of those, isn't there?!) Please, please guard yourself. If WH seemed duly impressed w/ MB and it turns into a sincere recovery, that is GREAT. Here's the however: it is far too easy for him to manipulate you/cave to the addiction of the A and play this game, as he has proven.

It will take incredibly looooong-term actions - including remorse, just compensation, EPs, and no anger or blaming you WHATSOEVER - before you can start to believe in the recovery. Until then, it could be more smoke and mirrors.

Don't be naive and let your hope and faith lull you into any more FR's. Keep your boundaries strong and your requirements tight for return.

I like the idea of switching phones, good one Maritalbliss....