Mymissy,

it is a struggle. You are on the right path even though you walk alone right now.

People here kept telling me "you can do it, you can do it". I thought they were nuts. I am doing it everyday, some days more successful than others (see my post today!)

Nobody wants to be in this club. No one.

Time will be your friend. It is a grieving process. It is okay to grieve but do not expect your H to understand. They are truly out of their minds.

take care and blessings.

You are so right Hope, no one wants to be in this club - no one. I (for whatever reason) have felt the last couple of days that I am SO alone and have found myself coming here more often. I have been kind of whiny and just keep having the overwhelming feelings of "I just cannot do this" and "how did this become my life".

On a side note, I did read your thread today; Hope3343, you kick azz!!!!!!!

I can only wish that someday I will be able to smack the smug off of POSOW face. But for now, I take the high road and remain completely dark.

I have begun to wonder....I know how I have been able to do the "dark" (with much struggle and support from everyone here), but can someone explain to me how WH justifies just throwing BS away and I feel as though he is not looking back.

I struggle with WH's few attempts at contact, I realize that I have not responded and asked him not to contact me, but still I would think that there would be more attempts on his part.

I am continuing to re-build my life, without him in it. The count down to the new job is on; I start in 1 week. I am planning on moving in that direction in the near future - which will put me closer to my family and friends.
Yet I struggle with all of this happening so fast, that there is no closure, I also realize that it is not over - but it feels like it is.

I feel like one minute my marriage was OK, the next minute was my reality was being yanked out from under me, and the next minute he is filing for dissolution; then I moved. There was no discussion, no nothing.

I still want to scream and shout and ask/demand how could you do this and why.......
Is this normal?
Do I continue plan B until I sign legal separation, then there is plan D/FU.?

And for my WH who seemed awfully anxious to D; this stuff is being held up on his end, not mine....I just don't get it.
DstepD says that WH asks about me when they see each other or talk....I just don't get that either.

Hi Mymissy, this is all normal. It is also typical of the wayward and it is shocking to the BS.

You want him to be your old H. He is not as long as he is with the OW. They are truly in a fog.

Keep working on yourself. It is ok to wait but live your life.

Blessings

Missy,

Don't bother trying to make sense of it.

It will NEVER make sense...

Yeah, what Mark said. And, although I know that DstepD thinks she is helping you, she should be told that you don't want to hear anything about WH. It send you into a tail spin every time. Think about what it feels like when she first tells you. Feels good doesn't it? Then after a few minutes you start to think about WH more than you have in days/weeks. Then all of your What ifs come flying back. You need to protect yourself. Plan B is for YOU. You are doing great with the NC. You need to fill in the holes in your curtain so the darkness of AFFAIRLAND doesn't make it through to you, it is POISON.

I really really really struggle with that. I want to be able to make sense of it and understand.
But once again, thanks for the reminders Mark and Scotty.

I guess I never really thought about the process that I go through when DstD tells me these things. But Scotty - you so hit the nail on the head. WOW!

It does bring up all the what ifs...

I am starting to have days where I have not sobbed, that is promising. I have gone 2 days now without crying.

I am also looking forward to being back to my hometown more often. I have great friends and support system there.

All in all I keep forcing myself forward, its still hard though.

My input is that we are human and will struggle with the betrayal from our loves. Dagnabit...it hurts! It shocked us! We didn't expect it from the ones who vowed their protection and love. Ugh.

But, we discovered that we can not control others or make them stay the same and true and committed. We can only control ourselves while offering the best chance for the possibility of redemption of the other person to recommit to the marriage.

Each day will get better with dark B though.

You will find that you will indeed self-differentiate and become a truly powerful force to be reckoned with in life. A compassionate, powerful force.

(((mymissy)))

The pain will pass. I have faith in that from all the posters on here who have done Plan B, and survived. You will too. Put on a smile, and keep going. You can do this!

You ask questions wondering why WH does this or that.
Do you realize that your actual dilemma is that you have failed to fully realize that WH is a different man from your HUSBAND.

Your questions are invalid, because you really want to know how your HUSBAND could behave in such a hateful way.

He is NOT your husband.
While he is WAYWARD he is WAYWARD.
He behaves like a wayward because he is NOT your H at this time.

You really don't want this bass turd back, this WAYWARD A hole.

You'd like your real H, the good guy back, if possible.

You can knock on that door a hundred times, your H is not home.
Right now, that foul ugly WAYWARD lives there.

Next time you go down this mental dead end road, tell yourself out loud, while looking in the mirror:

HE IS WAYWARD, THAT WAYWARD IS NOT MY HUSBAND.


Until this WAYWARD is replaced by your real husband, there is no point of leverage or influence ..... Because this awful man is a stranger, not your husband.

Exactly!

I do keep failing to realize that.

What I am questioning is - now that I am in a dark pln B and he continues to move forward with the D; do I ever approach, talk, say no this is not what I want to do, or do a operation olive branch?
I know I said many of those things in pln A, but so much feels left unsaid, undone, etc.
Overall, D seems to be held up on his atty end, certainly not mine.
I am very glad I start new job next week, I have had entirely to much free time. I need to be busy again and not think.

Please don't think I am crazy, but I did a psychic reading. Psychic told me that the cards were reading that I am the boss, should stay married, show/tell him I love him more that anyone else ever could, and that I need to wait it out.

I feel more confused than I did before.

No olive branch for you.
You are not near strong enough.
Maybe never.

Magical thinking ----> "If only I said (whatever) then WH would realize he loves me."

Drop it.
Wishful/magical thinking is what gets you in trouble.

Well, I have to say, that when psychic was telling me "stuff"; my first thought was - hmmm...that goes against MB.
I am sticking with MB concepts!!!
Your right Pep, I am not strong enough to face that. I would lose myself again.
Thanks for being my voice of reason and sanity.

Well today I started new job. Thank God. I will know have something to keep me more busy than just my own business.
I had a great day and think that I will really enjoy working there.

At the same time it is kind of sad, I have great things happening to me, but cannot share them with my "best friend". On the other hand, these changes would not be happening if WH had not ripped apart our life.

I believe that "when one door closes, a better one opens"; and that does seem to be the case for me. But what is the cost? I'm not sure if given the choice I would have paid the price.

Well maybe it is good you didn't have the choice then. I am NOT trying to sound MEAN. It is just that you may not have chosen this path for yourself and yu don't know what you need to learn from this ye. I feel lie good thins will happen to you. You are doing SOOOOOO well. Pass me some of your new job mojo will ya?

It's good to hear things are looking up for you, Missy. I am in the same place as you (except that I haven't found a good, paying job, yet).

Your post reminds me of the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

Given the people who have come into my life and the events that have taken place since my marriage was firebombed, I can only believe that God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself.

Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)
Joshua 1:9 (NIV)
Plenty more where those came from...

Thank you, Mark.

For the first time in my life I have begun Bible study.

At my advanced age I feel like a babe in the woods.

Missy, I apologize for the t/j.

No problem with the t/j Fred. Mark those are fantastic, keep them coming.

A long time ago, I found myself on a path of self discovery and "enlightenment"; then I met WH and married him and much of that got sidelined. I have found that path again.

And great things are happening for me, I had a 2nd fabulous day, I have not been this excited about work and a job in a very long time. It is why I went back for my graduate degree. I had become very burnt out and bored with my own business. My last job must have ended for a very good reason because I was definitely miserable there, but with all the drama going on I would not have looked for this opportunity.

In this economy I feel very blessed to have this opportunity and it will definitely lead me down a much more interesting, financially rewarding, and fulfilled path.

I thank all of you here for helping me stay on this path, some days it is sad and lonely, some days it is downright hard and miserable, and some days have been good or at least OK. Not sure I could have thought that 4 months ago, I cannot believe that it has been 5 full months since Dday. I feel like it has flown by and drug on and on.
I am still not sure where this is all leading, but now I feel like at least I might survive. I still don't like any of it and wish much of it away, but like I said, I think I will survive.

I have also re-discovered what wonderful friends and family I have. I did not realize how much WH had managed to isolate me through the last several years or how much I had bowed to "his life" and had not voiced how unhappy I was on the inside.

I hope this gives a newly BS some semblance of sanity that it will be OK down the road.

Thanks again to everyone at MB