Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
#2380560 05/27/10 12:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
I've never heard your back story. When you first started posting, it was as advice. Since we've had that here before from a number of trolls, I've been paying attention to your posts.

You wield a pretty tough 2x4, but I don't see any of the nurturing support that the pros here deliver in a pretty balanced way.

Anyway - here is your thread. Let's hear your story! Let's read the reason for you to be credible in your tough love approach to helping betrayed folks grow a spine and mentally toughen up. Who delivered it to you and how did your recovery work out?

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 987
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 987
Maybe she's Bubbles's long lost sister...

smile?


Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
Whew, I thought it was just me.


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
This is an insult to me. I have changed my entire marriage due to MB. It took a hard three years.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738
Originally Posted by stillhere8126
Whew, I thought it was just me.

Me too! smile


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
I think there are many fake stories on these boards. Look closely and you will be able to tell. If the fake ones were not on here there would be fewer interesting posts to respond to.

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Come on Bubbles, you must admit... the two of you sound very similar in your advice...

I mean you both think that parents would be better off dropping their kids off at an orphanage, having tubes tied, and razing people that have children, etc...... just sayin'

B4U, I say this, not as an attack, but as a polite comparison. You are both very similar in your advice. The only difference is we know your back story. Mai Mai however is possibly trolling the boards just as KA suggested, and you're not.

I would love to hear Mai Mai's back story as well.... But Mai Mai has been asked this question about their back story before and defended themselves by saying, NO!

Last edited by tst; 05/27/10 01:43 PM.




Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
I like how you say "defended themselves"! LOL

Last edited by Bubbles4U; 05/27/10 01:49 PM.
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
The mods don't care if people insult me,,,,I have noticed....

Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 183
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 183
You're all welcome to give advice as you see fit. I'll do the same. I do not believe I differ from MB practice at all. I just cut to the chase a little quicker.

There are enough 'nurturers' here. No need for me to add to the number.

What I care about are the children that these selfish addicts scatter about in their wake of adultery.

If you feel I'm inappropriate I would invite you to utilize the alert a moderator function. wink


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
Bubbles - first of all - I'm old enough here to remember your back story before you signed off on that old i.d.

I don't believe you're MaiMai.

MaiMai has never posted a single post about her/his situation that brought MarriageBuilders to their attention.

So I didn't post this to offend you, and frankly for that matter, offend MaiMai. But since there has been some excessive 2x4s being swung, with nasty comments and personal attacks, I'd give MaiMai a chance to explain the back story and legitimacy of his/her presence here before I start educating her/his victims about how to block offensive and abusive posters.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
Originally Posted by MaiMai
You're all welcome to give advice as you see fit. I'll do the same. I do not believe I differ from MB practice at all. I just cut to the chase a little quicker.

There are enough 'nurturers' here. No need for me to add to the number.

What I care about are the children that these selfish addicts scatter about in their wake of adultery.

If you feel I'm inappropriate I would invite you to utilize the alert a moderator function. wink

Believe me, I do use that moderator function.

And you still get to explain your legitimacy here, or you are no better than BestAdvisor who has never been married, has no experience and just gets his jollies off of piling on pain!


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Originally Posted by MaiMai
You're all welcome to give advice as you see fit. I'll do the same. I do not believe I differ from MB practice at all. I just cut to the chase a little quicker.

There are enough 'nurturers' here. No need for me to add to the number.

What I care about are the children that these selfish addicts scatter about in their wake of adultery.

If you feel I'm inappropriate I would invite you to utilize the alert a moderator function. wink


Why NOT give your background story?

He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 183
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 183
Not that I must but sometimes appeasing a gathering mob is in one's best interest.

I am a BS who survived and has a recovered marriage.

BTW, here is what is suggested to those wishing to post here...

This forum is open not only to those who have questions, but also to those with comments or suggestions. So we recommend that all participants of the discussion forum be familiar with Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts. However, the advice given is NOT to be construed as professional advice, nor is it even endorsed by Marriage Builders, unless Dr. Harley is specifically named as the responder. It's available to you as an opportunity to explore other people's opinions as they relate to your problem.

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Uh, you left something out... it also says (at the top of this page):

Quote
Sometimes you may hear alternative opinions that conflict with Dr. Harley's Ten Basic Concepts. These are often raised by those who have not solved their own marital problems, but still feel they are qualified to advise others. When this happens you can expect some members to explain why their approach won't work, and why Marriage Builders� offers a better solution. There are many who are offended when that happens, but please keep in mind that the ultimate purpose of this Forum is to discuss and learn Marriage Builders� concepts.


So knowing this... be prepared.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738
That's your back story? Is it just me, or does no one else find that enlightening?

Sorry, MaiMai, I just find your approach differing widely from MB principles. The preamble to this forum also says:

"One of the most important requirements for becoming a member is that you read all of Dr. Harley's Ten Basic Concepts. Click the tab "Basic Concepts" above on the header to find them. The purpose of this Forum is to help couples use those Basic Concepts to overcome marital conflicts and restore romantic love. "

I don't see your advice as promoting those Basic Concepts. Just my opinion.


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Originally Posted by MaiMai
Not that I must but sometimes appeasing a gathering mob is in one's best interest.

I am a BS who survived and has a recovered marriage.

BTW, here is what is suggested to those wishing to post here...

This forum is open not only to those who have questions, but also to those with comments or suggestions. So we recommend that all participants of the discussion forum be familiar with Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts. However, the advice given is NOT to be construed as professional advice, nor is it even endorsed by Marriage Builders, unless Dr. Harley is specifically named as the responder. It's available to you as an opportunity to explore other people's opinions as they relate to your problem.

"Appeasing a gathering mob"...... ROTFLMAO!

You MUST have been a wayward! That could only come from a waywards mind..... "gathering mob", I swear, you're crackin' me up! rotflmao





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
You're fine if you're auditioning for a part in "Law and Order SVU", but this feedback is not marriage building. Just what are your intentions in this feedback?

Originally Posted by MaiMai
Originally Posted by NewPetals
Originally Posted by MaiMai
Honesty is not an attack.

Editted to add:

If you want to mollycoddle a child abuser NP you go right ahead. I will refrain from telling you how to post even though you could not offer me the same courtesy.

Sorry Margie, short t/j here: MaiMai, when did child abuse EVER come into this????

Originally Posted by MargieLoll
The second guy I had a ONS with, I had my kids with me. They were all sleeping in the living room with a bunch of other kids. Two of the other women there at the BBQ were in other rooms having sex with guys they had also just met that night. That's how I just ended up having sex with the guy I met that night.
That's child abuse in my book and, I would hope, most peoples. This woman is an unfit mother!


And frankly, I find your claim to be a betrayed spouse particularly "incomplete".

Again - what is your story? what makes you think you have anything of value to offer? This feedback cited above is not beneficial to the person to whom it was directed. I'm not asking you to coddle - far from it. I don't coddle either. But there is a grand canyon of difference between "directness" and cruelty.

I think you're on the wrong side of that canyon. Sir. Or Ma'am.

Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 183
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by NewPetals
That's your back story? Is it just me, or does no one else find that enlightening?

Sorry, MaiMai, I just find your approach differing widely from MB principles. The preamble to this forum also says:

"One of the most important requirements for becoming a member is that you read all of Dr. Harley's Ten Basic Concepts. Click the tab "Basic Concepts" above on the header to find them. The purpose of this Forum is to help couples use those Basic Concepts to overcome marital conflicts and restore romantic love. "

I don't see your advice as promoting those Basic Concepts. Just my opinion.

I'm not here to enlighten you. And, yes, it's just your opinion.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738
Then what ARE you here for? Because I haven't seen one enlightening post from you to ANY poster on here.


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,079 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5