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BTinTrouble #2380351 05/27/10 09:10 AM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
Ok, I get it on the exposure, and I definately get it that I am going to do it no matter what, that the VAR just might give me more, but that I dont in fact need more. I will also be talking to OM the day I send it out. I will probably call him and ask him to come to my house and meet him in the driveway.

Not a good idea. You do not want him to set foot on your property ever again. Why would you play the supplicant here by "asking him a favor" to come over to your house? A phone call is less dangerous and will suffice if you are firm enough.


He is never to contact your wife again. If he does, like Mel says, hell is coming. You will fight him tooth and nail for your marriage and your family.

Expose now in a nuclear fashion to everyone BT. I still don't understand why you are on travel right now, this is a family emergency. If your son had to go to the hospital you could have gotten out of this trip. Your marriage, wife and son are totally at risk of destruction and you are too scared to ask to be left off this travel. You need to get your rear end home!

SWW

MelodyLane #2380353 05/27/10 09:13 AM
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Got a name of OMs wife, nearly positive, but 2 numbers paid for on interwebs did not work. Going away from a computer after this till I get home (leaving hotel, work day at conference, then flight home).

I am watching my son this weekend, WW is not taking him anywhere.

May be able to get OMWs number tomorrow? How fast does a PI take? I plan to talk to OM this weekend, again, at my house, so if he shows up, that would preclude his being in the woods with my wife. Also, she is going with her cousin, who I have checked on facebook, and will be exposing too as well.

I have to take off from here, will be away from computers till saturday noonish. Hopefully have progress then.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2380359 05/27/10 09:16 AM
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SWW - I work with the guy, its not like I wont ever see him. I am not scared of him, so I dont understand why I couldnt do this in person.

Its not asking him a favor, if he doesnt watn to come, I can do it over the phone. I dont really care, I just feel like its decent to do stuff like this face to face.

Hmmm, SWW you are probably right about this trip. Every day that I continue to think about this I begin to realize more and more what a big deal it is.

Call me slow... I dont know.

But I am flying out today. It just takes 16 hours to get back...


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2380361 05/27/10 09:19 AM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
SWW - I work with the guy, its not like I wont ever see him. I am not scared of him, so I dont understand why I couldnt do this in person.

Hmmm, SWW you are probably right about this trip. Every day that I continue to think about this I begin to realize more and more what a big deal it is.

But I am flying out today. It just takes 16 hours to get back...

Good, tell him at work and expose there too. Good, get home fast.

Oh and you don't need to be decent about anything. You owe him nothing. Would you be considering the decent thing to do if someone kidnapped your son? Think, I really need to talk to him face to face, its the decent thing to do. No.

SWW

Last edited by sickwithworry; 05/27/10 09:21 AM.
BTinTrouble #2380383 05/27/10 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
Got a name of OMs wife, nearly positive, but 2 numbers paid for on interwebs did not work. Going away from a computer after this till I get home (leaving hotel, work day at conference, then flight home).

I am watching my son this weekend, WW is not taking him anywhere.

May be able to get OMWs number tomorrow? How fast does a PI take? I plan to talk to OM this weekend, again, at my house, so if he shows up, that would preclude his being in the woods with my wife. Also, she is going with her cousin, who I have checked on facebook, and will be exposing too as well.

I have to take off from here, will be away from computers till saturday noonish. Hopefully have progress then.

BT she is telling you she is going with her cousin. My brother's exWW took a whole weeks vacation in Virginia Beach, supposedly with her cousin. Then my brother happened to see her cousin at the store and he found out she was really there with her OM and the cousin helped out.

Please do this NOW!!! DO NOT LET THEM GO ON THIS TRIP!!!

I am glad you are going home today too!!!

Don't let her gaslight you either!!!!

MaiMai #2380410 05/27/10 10:24 AM
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Hi, I've been reading this thread and first posting now. BT mentioned the man/roommate situation on May 2, here:

#2366336 - 05/02/10 01:58 PM

To find the OM wife, have you tried zabasearch dot com, or spokeo dot com? Public records might give you an address, and if she's been living there awhile, maybe a phone number.

Good luck.


BTinTrouble #2380461 05/27/10 11:22 AM
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BT - UR Right, it was mentioned in the 5-2 post. My bad. Thanks Sushi!

I guess I didn't realize for myself that she was serious or it was moving to that. For some reason I understood it more as a passing comment, not a real plan of action. I apologize, had I understood that differently, I would have addressed it more seriously.

I guess for me, as a woman, with young kids, if I needed to leave my house and needed a roommate, no matter how desperate I was for a place, I would not choose to move in with a male "friend". I have male friends, and I do not want them to ever be anything more than that. I know my own weaknesses, and that scenario would be a poor choice of boundaries for me, and I think I can say for anyone in any M/separation.

It shows very poor judgment on her part as the mother of your son. We need to do what is in the best interest of our children, even when that may not be the easiest choice for ourselves. Confusing your son and introducing him to another male is so hurtful and damaging to his development and attachment.

If she ultimately decides to move in with OM, I would fight to my death to keep Son from spending time with W at her home with OM. She can see Son at your (son's) home not with OM. I would then do all I could to bring a legal wedge between OM and W for the sake of Son. Our state has none of those laws but yours might. And if they do, you need to be strong enough to use them.

Divorce reseach suggests that the youngest kids do best when they stay/sleep in their primary home and spend time with other parent in that same environment. That can't always work but that is both in the best interest of your SOn, not to mention any hope of saving your M.

Have a safe flight. My hope for you is that the VAR gives you whatever information you need to confidently to make a move.

Question to other posters - When BT speaks to OM, in person or on phone, would it be worthwhile to use VAR in that exchange (now that he owns one)? Can't hurt I would think and if nothing gained or BT says things he shouldn't, he can delete? But if OM says things W won't admit, worth having? Not sure. Just a thought.


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BT update?

Still_Crazy #2381261 05/28/10 11:38 AM
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k, will try those sites for OMWs number. Kinda ticked I payed for 2 numbers but neither worked, but it was only a couple bucks. Considering I sent letter to Ws Dad w/ check for a hundred with the exposure and asking him for the sake of his daughter and grandson, that he PLEASE get a phone and call, a few bucks is nothing.

Update:

Got hom about 20 mins ago, wife has left for camping trip. All packed up, its verified on Facebook between her cousin and posts from their friends, all going camping.

You guys may be right, probably are, but shes gone now. Oops maybe? I like the idea of this weekend, with free weekend minutes to expose.

When I landed, I texted her. She was there to pick me up with son who was sleeping. I had a huge smile to see her, and she started a big smile when she saw me. We had a nice talk on the way home about what I missed this week, all kinds of stuff with son and her. She has a migraine. I mentioned that I had read this week that tension in shoulders can make headaches worse.

We got to the house, she briefed me on what food was where, where Sons food was etc. I got a pillow and told her to sit down on the chair and gave her a shoulder massage. She got very relaxed, said thank you that feels so good.

When she was ready to leave she gave me a "wife" hug, and said she missed me. Not the friend hugs she has been giving me.

I looked in her eyes, and told her that the last 2 weeks for me have been amazing. That I have been happier and felt more alive than ever before in my life and its because of the changes I am making and the things I am learning. But that as happy as I have been, its a candle to the happiness and love I felt when I saw her again at the airport.

I told her I will always love her and that I hope she can believe that always, no matter what happens.

She said she would try to call and take pictures. Then we tricked son and she left.

Not bad, even if all you guys tell me its gaslighting, it felt nice.

Ok, now to check the VAR, then to get OMWs number, then I have a long weekend of phone calls and facebook messages...

the gist of the "homecoming" is that I think I am Plan A'ing very well. I am much more observant than even before we got married, noticing things to do to help and doing them, I am also being very appreciative and affectionate via verbal compliments and such. I have not violated her boundaries or tried to make her feel uncomfortable. No AO's, DJs, or SDs, and the only IB I been doign is the groudn work to attack this affair and the exposure this weekend.

K, I am going to go check the VAR now... will update soon.

Thanks everyone for your support.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381277 05/28/10 11:58 AM
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omfg

omfg
omfg

omfgomfgomfgomfgomfgomfomgomfomgofmogmofmogm

What the hell do I do now...

My heart rate is going so fast...

VAR has positive proof.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381283 05/28/10 12:05 PM
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I am not sure I recognize the voice, might not be OM...

How do I go about verifying that?


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381284 05/28/10 12:08 PM
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Ok, I need to be a father right now. Calling Sh for an appointment, then I am going to try not to think about it too much...

Should I kick her out of the house? I can Plan A for a while once I calm down.

Is hidden VAR evidence from my own house admissable in court?

Should I get a lawyer?


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381286 05/28/10 12:09 PM
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What did it say? Let's start with that.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
BTinTrouble #2381295 05/28/10 12:15 PM
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BT - I am so very sorry for what you have found. I am however happy you got something now that you can't ignore so that you can feel solid about moving forward. Now you have what you need to put a plan into action.

No more waiting. No more fears.

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BT I am sorry but please take a couple of deep breaths and let us know what you heard and we can better advise you on what to do next? But please just take a couple of deep breaths.

You can do this!!!!

Still_Crazy #2381311 05/28/10 12:42 PM
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typing


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BTinTrouble #2381314 05/28/10 12:47 PM
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ok...

VAR only recorded about 6 minutes. It only triggered when the bed was moving...

guess which 6 minutes it caught? It would trigger with the bed moving and record for a while.

It is soul shattering.

There are 7 DISTINCT times when I hear A mans voice or grunts or whatever, and 2 more when I am not sure, and 1 of those instances she asks him to turn the light off, showing that its not the TV since she was talking TO someone.

So yeas, evidence.

I called her friend in CA, exposed, and asked her friend to let her dad know to get a phone right now, and tell him I sent him a check to pay for it that should get there early next week.

I can not even closely positively identify OM as the Mans voice, so I am kinda confused there. I am sure there is a way to get a sample of his voice and have a machine positively match them, but I dont know how to do that and its memorial day weekend. I am considering asking him point blank, since I kinda dont think its him, oddly enough, and ask him if he's willing to provide a voice sample. But I dont know.

Appointment with Jen Harley set up for Tuesday evening, will try get WW (god it hurts to type that... godamnit) to talk too.

When do I confront WW? Should I call her now? I already sent the audio file to my dad and an aunt, so she cant make me get rid of it or recover it.

I was planning to expose this weekend anyway, so I think I will ocntinue to do that.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381316 05/28/10 12:50 PM
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Its almost 2 pm here, should I call a Lawyer to secure my position now?

I dont want to D, but I dont want this to get away from me because of denial again...

She made this choice not me...


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381317 05/28/10 12:50 PM
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planning to call the radio show this afternoon too, per Elle's suggestion when I made the appointment with Jen

Also, going to continue exposing right now since I planned to do it anyway.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381318 05/28/10 12:51 PM
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Well that's a smoking gun alright.


Quote
It is soul shattering.


Sorry BT.


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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