Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 15 of 47 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 46 47
BTinTrouble #2381597 05/28/10 07:31 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,058
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,058
Keep the expectations under control, BT!

And keep moving forward toward your goal...

BTinTrouble #2381600 05/28/10 07:35 PM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
I am sorry if you took it the wrong way. I just mean that it will feel better as you move forward.

My WH stopped talking to his own sister for more than 4 years because she had an affair. He was disgusted with his parents because as he was growing up, BOTH his parents had affairS and he was exposed to their APs. He always told me that he would NEVER do that to his children. Well, I guess he was WRONG.

It is a bad feeling for now but I PROMISE that yo0u WILL NOT feel bad about doing this today. I know the only thing I regret about my EXPOSURE was that it wasn't NUCLEAR.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
BTinTrouble #2381601 05/28/10 07:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
Work knows. I think they want to fire him.

We are having a problem with "hostile work enviroment" and they are looking for excuses to fire some people. He is one of them.

Have you notified them OFFICIALLY of his adultery with your wife? That is what I would do, BT. Lodge a formal complaint against him for having an affair with your wife.

Make as much trouble as possible for this scumbag.

Quote
I can ask OMW for numbers to OMs family, but she said she would be telling everyone. I dont know what to say.

This is good. BT, she does know your name and #, right?

Quote
Apparently, you cant send more than like 8 messages through facebook without getting blocked for abuse...

/sigh

I THINK you have to space them out a couple of minutes.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


BTinTrouble #2381604 05/28/10 07:36 PM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
Scotland, I wish I could say yes, that it feels great.

Mostly I just feel sick.

5 years, countless professions of undying love, death of our son, the last 15 months with our 2nd son, staying with me through a 9 month deployment and 2 moves, and all those years of me being an emotional basket case and she stuck by me.

All those times she talked with my friends, her friends, her and my family, about how important marriage was and how its such BS that people throw it away over nothing nowadays.

After she watched her mom cheat on her dad over and over before they divorced...

I am mostly just sick.

To my stomach.

I guess it feels a little bit LIBERATING to get it all out in the sunlight... but definately not good.

Sorry.

Totally understand BT, D-day was the worst day of my life, but you are doing great!!!

And i think Scotland only meant the feeling of letting it out to help end the affair......

You are in GREAT hands here listen to these people, they know their stuff.....

Still_Crazy #2381608 05/28/10 07:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 398
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 398
No I dont take these things bad, I was just expressing myself honestly. I dont feel good. Its ok. I think I get what you mean, and regardless what you guys post...

YOU POST

and it means a lot to me and helps me keep my head up.

Mark, my expectations are crazy right now. I DO NOT expect her to do anything rational for a long time.

Work.. I am talking to his sup regularly. Will call him in a sec.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381610 05/28/10 07:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
BT, how did you end up finding the OMW?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


BTinTrouble #2381611 05/28/10 07:52 PM
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 642
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 642
BT,

She is just sick right now. If she had cancer and was still sneaking smokes you would rip them from her hand right?

OM is just like the smokes.

Dr. Harley says we are all hard wired to have affairs. I believe him.

Your WW is a garden variety cheating wife that had, I say had because of your guts to expose, a fantasy. Nothing more.

SWW

BTinTrouble #2381613 05/28/10 07:53 PM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
Just remember to keep breathing.

No matter what happens you will be okay even though right now you just want to puke.........

Still_Crazy #2381618 05/28/10 08:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 398
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 398
I found OMW because I remembered the town they live in and that it was NOT in SC, but rather NC, then it was a matter of time.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381621 05/28/10 08:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 398
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 398
holy crap...

the officer in charge of the school I work for, and the senior civilian are coming over to talk...

God I dont want to let them listen to my wife screwing someone...

I want to swear so much...


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381623 05/28/10 08:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
holy crap...

the officer in charge of the school I work for, and the senior civilian are coming over to talk...

God I dont want to let them listen to my wife screwing someone...

I want to swear so much...

What is this about, BT?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


BTinTrouble #2381625 05/28/10 08:27 PM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
You don't have to let them listen, just tell them you have recorded proof.

keep breathing BT and think about your son.

You are doing fine just keep your head straight.

BTinTrouble #2381626 05/28/10 08:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 398
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 398
SWW, thank you so much for that...

I need to hold on to that.

She quit smoking for me. WW did. Cold turkey. Saw the look on my face right after we first met when she lit one up, quit, right then. Maybe 3 cigarettes during a relapse over 5 years. Once when I was deployed, once when she was out with my friends from back home drinking and many of them were smoking. Once when she was out with friends in CA.

Told me about all 3, crying, sorry she had lied to me and broke a promise...

Course, she started smoking the last month at the friends house before we moved into our house, but she quit once we moved in again. Said she didnt care what I thought anymore, that she was doing what she wanted...

I wish so much that I had been more attentive.

I know I am not at fault for her decision to do this, but I do wish I hadnt contributed to an enviroment that made it possible.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381630 05/28/10 08:32 PM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
Well that is what plan A is for....

BTinTrouble #2381631 05/28/10 08:34 PM
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 642
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 642
Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
holy crap...

the officer in charge of the school I work for, and the senior civilian are coming over to talk...

God I dont want to let them listen to my wife screwing someone...

I want to swear so much...

This is great news BT. Military guy speaking here. You don�t have to play the tape for them ok, just let them know you have it and that the OM is wrecking your life.

They are gonna take this very seriously. Just stay cool.

You want them to take action to stop a hostile work environment that is wrecking your life. While this isn�t their fault per se, do not back down or apologize for exposing if that�s the way they are going.

This OM is an employee of theirs and so are you. You have proof!

You have proof! And they had better put a stop to this or you are gonna talk to their superiors.

SWW

Still_Crazy #2381632 05/28/10 08:34 PM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,722
_
Member
Offline
Member
_
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,722
BT,

You are doing good my man. I'm sorry to hear your suspicions being confirmed, but it is better to know exactly what you are dealing with.

So how are the exposures going? I know it's tough, but remember why you are doing it. Keep your eye on the ball and remember your goal in this whole thing. We are with you.


-SOL
BTinTrouble #2381633 05/28/10 08:36 PM
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
BT
"holy crap...

the officer in charge of the school I work for, and the senior civilian are coming over to talk..."

Off the PC since this morning, wow!

Have they seen you yet?

Has WW tried to call you anymore tonight?

Red flag!

WW goes away without telling you were she will be.


BTinTrouble #2381634 05/28/10 08:39 PM
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 642
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 642
Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
She quit smoking for me. Maybe 3 cigarettes during a relapse over 5 years. Once when I was deployed, once when she was out with my friends from back home drinking and many of them were smoking. Once when she was out with friends in CA.

Told me about all 3, crying, sorry she had lied to me and broke a promise...

I wish so much that I had been more attentive.

Sorry BT, i dont believe her. Maybe I am wrong.

SWW

Joined: May 2008
Posts: 642
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 642
You stay cool right now ya hear?

You tell the CO and senior exec very calmly you are upset, that you are going to try to save your marriage and that you have proof that OM has been screwing your wife.

You do NOT get into MB stuff with them ok? Your position is that you are upset, you are trying to save your marriage, that one of THEIR emplyees and a fellow COWORKER or yours has gone behind your back and you are upset!!!!

No backing down. Calm, Steely gaze!

Do It BT.

SWW

BTinTrouble #2381659 05/28/10 09:31 PM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
K, exposed to her mom, grandma, grandpa, uncle, 2/3 best female friends, 4 other female friends, uncle should be emailing me a list of further relatives soon.

Work knows but not who the OM is yet, I am not sure who I trust over there besides one guy who knows and will call me later tonight. He might be looking to get OM fired.

I hear you guys on the spy stuff.

Here is my dilemma. I feel if I get more spy stuff, then I will have to "hope" they do it again so I can catch them. I am not kidding myself that it will just suddenly stop, however, I want no part in its continuing. To me that includes setting traps. I plan to continue making liberal use of the VAR, mostly in her car now because she probably wont do it in our room anymore.

I want to expose. I want to Expose and Plan A and fight for my marriage, I dont want to "wait" for them to do it again.

Does this make sense?

Found out OMW lives in different state then I thought, that the numbers I have might be old...

Will redo search here as soon as son is asleep.

I see absolutely no reason to purchase additional spyware. You've got the proof YOU need.

EXPOSE NOW. You know who it is. Your WW isn't screwing more than one person. You know that. Act, don't re-act.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Page 15 of 47 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 46 47

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 894 guests, and 66 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5