[/quote]

Ok, maybe that is the difference. Women who get divorced for neglect just get divorced. Women who are having an affair usually just ask for a "separation" to get some "space."

[/quote]
That is how I see this.

No, there is no way to listen to it. No podcasts, no nothing.

My good friend, SusieQ, sent me this transcript [thanks Susie!!] There are no speaker ID's but once you start reading it seems easier to figure out who is saying what:

Here it is:
(Joyce)I'm going to turn the ship abruptly because we have a listener who has some questions on an article that you wrote for the website.

She asked --

>> Two articles.

>> And she says, Part 1, she wants, Can you ask Dr. Harley to clear up some confusing information, he says in this article in coping with infidelity, see, this is why I'm turning the ship around, part 1, how do affairs begin?

She's got two questions here.

She gives the phrase, the sentence that caused her to write her question.

Ok.

Let me read the phrase from the article first:

You say in this article "How do affairs begin?" I have seen so many spouses lie about affairs that when one spouse wants a separation, my best guess is that he or she is having an affair.

I'm right almost every time about this.

Now she says, why would anyone need to be alone to sort things out?, talking about separation.

>> Right.

>> It makes much more sense to think that being separated makes it easier to be with their lover.

>> Yes.

>> If there is infidelity.

Granted there are many good reasons for a separation such as a physical or extreme mental abuse, but of all those I've seen separate, most have had lovers in the wings.

>> That's right.

Yeah.

Basically, I will often recommend a separation in the case of physical or emotional abuse.

Sometimes I'll even recommend a separation in cases of neglect.

Where in the case of that one lady where her husband was just never home.

He was either working or on a vacation by himself.

These are cases where a separation makes sense.

But that's me giving somebody advice, ok?

When somebody comes to me and says they want a separation, the first thing I'm thinking is, who is your lover?

>> Ok.

>> Because generally getting a separation under those conditions does not occur to most women.

It is something that -- they leave their husbands as sort of a last-ditch effort after they have lost all hope of this marriage being saved.

It is true that the number one cause of divorce is neglect.

So when a women leaves a man because of neglect, chances are she is done with him for good.

The basic idea -- my argument about separation is, get separated while you still care about him, you know, in some cases.

Get separated when you don't have a friend of the opposite sex.

>> She is challenging that separation is being dangerous to the repair of the marriage because that allows the one being unfaithful to have more time with the other person.

>> In the case of that, though, the problem you run into is health issues.

In other words, as you are trying to restore your marriage and your spouse is having an affair under your very nose, you are going to suffer tremendous stress and possibly serious autoimmune problems as a result of having to live with that situation.

Many times I'll recommend a separation just to save your health.

The point is that when somebody comes to me and the husband says, my wife has been wanting to separate from me or the wife says, my husband has been wanting to separate, my first thought is, I wonder if they are having an affair.

In most cases they are.

So that's what she is -- she is saying, you know, isn't there a conflict here?

You are telling people to separate, but you are saying people that separate are usually having an affair.

>> The one is a therapeutic strategy, the other is something that people who are having affairs seem to want to do.

>> We have been talking about the whole area of cheating in regard to this question from e-mailer.

Let's talk about cheating financially in a marriage upcoming on Marriage Builders.

Melody how do you get a transcript like that? I would LOVE to get the one last week when I called in on the show...thanks!

I'm pretty sure Prisca and I would PAY for a commercial and break-free podcast. Dave Ramsey distributes his show this way to paid subscribers. I think other talk show hosts do as well, though I've never paid for one.

Please do email Joyce Harley and mention there seems to be a lot of support for it.

jharley@marriagebuilders.com?

Bout to compose an email


Well I hope that was the right address.... email sent....

Yes, that is exactly the difference I see. More specifically, women who ask for a separation to "get some space" don't usually want a divorce because they want to continue getting their ENs met by both their H and their AP. Women who divorce their H due to neglect weren't getting their ENs met by their H.

It's great to have the radio show back. I've submitted a question as well and hope they get to it.

Well look who made an appearance! How are you doing, BHHFSGuy? Did you ever reveal what your screen name stood for? I think you might need to do some updating to your signature as well. Are there any ladies in the picture? Have you heard anything about your xWW? Did she crash and burn?

I'm doing great. I've had a lot of fun adventures in the last year, notably in Berlin and NYC. I've been seeing someone for a little over six months now and we're both quite happy. My xWW found a job nearby at a place I had turned down, because they wanted a commitment that I'd be there for 5+ years. Ironically, she was only there for less than a year before moving away to work in Beijing, China.

I did reveal my screen name a while back in one of the threads, but I can't seem to find it now. It stands for Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy, which is a song from the movie "Once" which came out during that awful summer of 2007. It's got a great soundtrack.

gemstone, a friend from the board, SusieQ, does this for a living and was kind enough to do that segment and send it to me.

PLEASE EMAIL THE HARLEYS, YOU GUYS!! I have emailed them crying about this too!! I would pay for those shows on podcast if I could! jharley@marriagebuilders.com

Well, that sounds typical for your WW. She's just someone who is NEVER happy and thinks running away to a new man, job, geography and leaving her problems behind will make things better. I'm sure it does for a short while, but it is just a distraction, and once the newness wears off, she is just the same unhappy person she was to begin with. You did well to get out of a relationship with that one. She was a nutcase.

Tell us about the new woman. She doesn't have any red flags, does she? I want to make sure you have learned from your past mistakes. Also, six months together is a pretty long time. Have you done anything with her that you hadn't with your xWW?

MelodyLane are you sure? I know there's not a podcast, but they mentioned on the radio show the other day that after it airs live that it gets repeated throughout the day.

I Found this page: http://streamer.marriagebuilders.com:8001/
If you look at the current song it says:
"Current Song: 20100528-segment5 "

To me that would be 05/28/2010's broadcast. If you click the "click to listen" link, it's a m3u file which should open with windows media player.

It doesn't seem to be working right this moment, but I record it every day on my PC using a program called VLC player using a scheduled task. There a easier paid ways to do it too, but this was the free solution.

hmmmmm, where did you find that link, walker?? See, it is supposed to replay on the "rebroadcast" link on the MB page, but those have been old shows and they have not got the rebroadcast fixed as far as I know. Joyce sent this email on Thursday:

Hi ML,
We�re working on the replays throughout the day. Our computer guy is struggling getting the radio station off the site and the days show re-aired until the next day new show. That is our goal. Now we pray it will happen sooner than later!
Great ideas and thanks for your enthusiastic interest!
Joyce

Today's show is replaying right now. BT (or someone eerily similar) is on at this moment.

Maybe not...

I wish I could retire so I don't have to work any more...

John in Delaware has a 4 year old. [that is what is on now] I dont think thats the same guy.

Ok, after reading Dr Harley's response,

If a woman is neglected, she falls into an affair. The husband does Plan A, the affair dies but the wife still isn't sure about the marriage so she moves out?

Does the husband Plan B?
Is there any hope (even if a good Plan A was done) because Dr Harley says if they are leaving due to neglect then they're probably gone?

I got that link by going as you said to the "rebroadcast" link on the radio show page. This will open your default media player (Windows media player for most) How I got that other link was to look at the properties of the video stream that was playing in windows media player.
This is promising news. Now that you mention it, one of my DIY recorded podcasts did sound like something I heard already, so maybe they were still old shows...

BTW MelodyLane I think that you are one of the most helpful and awesome people here - thanks for all you do!


If anyone cares, here is how I am recording the stream to later play back on my ipod:
I installed VLC player (videolan.org)
I created a scheduled task in windows. The program is:
"C:\Program Files (x86)\VideoLAN\VLC\vlc.exe"
The arguments (switches) are:
-vvv --run-time=10800 http://streamer.marriagebuilders.com:8001/prerecorded :demux=dump :demuxdump-file=C:\Users\walkermark\Music\MBRadiostream.mp3 vlc : // quit

I created a 2nd scheduled task to rename the file using this script:
for /f "tokens=1-5 delims=/ " %%d in ("%date%") do rename "C:\Users\walkermark\Music\MBRadiostream.mp3" MBRadiostream_%%e-%%f-%%g.mp3

So basically VLC opens the prerecorded stream at 3AM every day and records it for 10800 seconds(3 hrs) to an mp3 file and the 2nd script renames it to today's date.

It's possible now that I think about it... that I needed to use an older version of VLC player than what is available on their site for download. I can check if anyone wants to try it.

It would be great if they offered it as a podcast.

Thank you for your kind words,, walker, and thank you for the recording tips! I will give them a try.

She has a very positive attitude, so it's a nice change of pace. And yes, we've spent a lot of quality time together

Because the show airs at noon where I live, I use Audio Hijack Pro on my Mac to set up a scheduled recording.

BHHFS, you can simply download the shows after the fact now, going back to May 3:

http://www.listen.mbradio.net/