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maritalbliss #2381660 05/28/10 09:34 PM
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MB, he already exposed the affair. He found the OMW and is now speaking to the top Army guys where he works.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2381661 05/28/10 09:34 PM
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thanks mel you beat me to the punch.....

MelodyLane #2381662 05/28/10 09:35 PM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
How far away is your wife, BT?

She needs to come home. Now. Tell her you've got something important she needs to hear. I'm sure that will bollix up the weekend she's got going with OM. Good. Because you know that's more than likely who she's with, right?


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Ok, I didnt back down, I told them I do NOT want to share the sounds of my wife c***** on some other man with anyone.

I told them about OMWs corraberating statements.

Amazingly, the OIC (officer) remembered OM pointing out a campground 1/2 hr away. So they took off to go check it out, will know more in about a half hour.

I told them the evidence, the phone calls, that I am positive its his voice, that I know its him.

I told them if you have a 500 pc puzzle, you can be missing one piece and still know what the picture is.

Deputy said that well, the only definitive proof is if one of them admits to that, and we probably wont get that so we cant expect it.

I think they want to catch them, but I dont really care.

I am not allowing him around my son or my family, I really dont care what they do.

On top of that, he is a contractor, a temporary worker filling a temporary position, with a group that has already had 3 people fired out of I think 15-20 employees, and that company is ANXIOUS to avoid attention.

I dont plan to let them listen.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381664 05/28/10 09:38 PM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
on the phone with OMW...

she had no idea about any divorce, OM is not with her as he told us, she thought he was working this weekend.

You mean...the OM was...gasp...lying?????Yep. My M was supposedly over, too - imagine my surprise. MrRollieEyes


D-Day 2-10-2009
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BTinTrouble #2381665 05/28/10 09:40 PM
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I dont want her to come home.

Not yet...

The OIC and Deputy are going out to the only campground within a half hour that OM even mentioned to the OIC about 2 weeks ago.

They might be there.

That would be quite interesting...

Either way, I know, so thats what matters to me.

Also, regardless, I guess the guys contract company says he is done already, so he dont have work here anymore, and OMW, when I told her, said, well, he should have thought of that...


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381666 05/28/10 09:41 PM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
Ok, told her basically what you guys said, sex, affair, we compared notes, she had an idea something was up, but now knows, shes a social worker, wow...

So they are out together.

WW has called me twice while I was on the phone.

I also told everyone I talked to many times, especially when they tried to say "well I will call her whenever you say" and I made sure to say, no no no, thats the point, call her, by tomorrow I will have confronted her and its game on.

I need to write a lot of facebook letters.

Son, I think you may just save your marriage. hug


D-Day 2-10-2009
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BTinTrouble #2381668 05/28/10 09:42 PM
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ok...

I dont know what to do

I dont want to sit alone and think...

I feel very angry, stemming from 3 out of 4 sources, hurt, betrayal, frustration. Not sure if I feel guilt. I feel some guilt for not being a better husband, but I dont feel like that is at all attached to what she did. I dont feel like her affair is my fault at all. I just want to be a better husband.

Plan A I guess...

What do I do now guys?

.....
feel sick still.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

maritalbliss #2381670 05/28/10 09:43 PM
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BT you are in quite capable hands, just continue with your goal in mind, you are saving your marriage. You only do marriage, you don't do divorce.

I am signing out for the night.

Good luck and keep us posted.....

BTinTrouble #2381672 05/28/10 09:45 PM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
Scotland, I wish I could say yes, that it feels great.

Mostly I just feel sick.

5 years, countless professions of undying love, death of our son, the last 15 months with our 2nd son, staying with me through a 9 month deployment and 2 moves, and all those years of me being an emotional basket case and she stuck by me.

All those times she talked with my friends, her friends, her and my family, about how important marriage was and how its such BS that people throw it away over nothing nowadays.

After she watched her mom cheat on her dad over and over before they divorced...

I am mostly just sick.

To my stomach.

I guess it feels a little bit LIBERATING to get it all out in the sunlight... but definately not good.

Sorry.

I don't think you can realize right now just how great you are. You, sir, are a WARRIOR. Well done! I would like to think that, if I had the adultery bone in me, my H would do exactly what you are doing in order to save me from myself.

Nicely done, BT! hurray


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

maritalbliss #2381673 05/28/10 09:46 PM
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Son, I think you may just save your marriage. hug

Lets please call him SIR SON, now. He changed from a serf to a knight tonight. It wasn't fun, but he did what had to be done.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Still_Crazy #2381674 05/28/10 09:46 PM
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I just read your other post, you are fine......

I know you don't want to see her right now, but if you do just keep your cool do not get angry (and i know that will be difficult and i did get angry on my D-day).


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Originally Posted by sickwithworry
Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
She quit smoking for me. Maybe 3 cigarettes during a relapse over 5 years. Once when I was deployed, once when she was out with my friends from back home drinking and many of them were smoking. Once when she was out with friends in CA.

Told me about all 3, crying, sorry she had lied to me and broke a promise...

I wish so much that I had been more attentive.

Sorry BT, i dont believe her. Maybe I am wrong.

SWW

ITA. I sneaked cigarettes for I don't know how long and got away with it.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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maritalbliss #2381676 05/28/10 09:50 PM
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thank you Crazy, and also maritalbliss.

I hope I am great.

WW told me again about 2 weeks ago that I could NEVER be someone that she could be happy with. That I am just not good enough.

She is the only person who has told me that.

Not one single person I have exposed to has said it.

I exposed short and sweet "she is having an affair, I have proof, help me kill it."
But if they asked questions, I answered. If they asked "well was something going on?" I owned up to my side. I didnt stint at all.

But every single one of them said,
"but you didnt cheat on HER right?"
"Well, then she shouldnt have done that, especially with you willing to work on the marriage."

Her whole family is PISSED. I hope they dont abandon her, I have called a few times and said that, "dont leave her hanging, be her friends and family, help me repair this marriage."

I guess I can hope and dream it will work out.

At this point, I dont really believe it will, I cant see how it could, but I DO know that what I am doing is the right thing. That keeps me going.

I am doing the right thing, by my son, and for my marriage.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

MelodyLane #2381677 05/28/10 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
MB, he already exposed the affair. He found the OMW and is now speaking to the top Army guys where he works.

Got it - posting too fast -


D-Day 2-10-2009
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BTinTrouble #2381678 05/28/10 09:56 PM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
I feel very angry, stemming from 3 out of 4 sources, hurt, betrayal, frustration. Not sure if I feel guilt. I feel some guilt for not being a better husband, but I dont feel like that is at all attached to what she did. I dont feel like her affair is my fault at all. I just want to be a better husband.

BT, I know you feel sick, but be assured you have done more to save your marriage tonight in the last 4 hours than in the last 4 months. You stepped up to the plate when it needed to be done. Now you know you can count on yourself to stand up when need be.

Your wife is going to be furious when she finds out you have ruined her affair. I would prepare for this by not allowing yourself to get upset, scared, manipulated or baited into a fight. You must look at her as you would a crack head who is enraged that you brought in a crowd of onlookers to watch them get high. You have ruined her high. You have taken the booze away from the falling down drunk.

The hardest part is yet to come, I am sorry to say. But, I really do think you have it in you to withstand the worst. Hang on the for the ride, friend. We are to help you through. hug


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2381679 05/28/10 09:56 PM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Son, I think you may just save your marriage. hug

Lets please call him SIR SON, now. He changed from a serf to a knight tonight. It wasn't fun, but he did what had to be done.

Yes, ma'm, he has earned the "Sir". I was initially skeptical, since he was just so darned accommodating to his WW. But hotdamn did he step up to the plate! Whew! I'm fanning the sweat off, just thinking about it. You go, BT!


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

BTinTrouble #2381682 05/28/10 10:02 PM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
thank you Crazy, and also maritalbliss.

I hope I am great.

WW told me again about 2 weeks ago that I could NEVER be someone that she could be happy with. That I am just not good enough.

She is the only person who has told me that.

Not one single person I have exposed to has said it.

I exposed short and sweet "she is having an affair, I have proof, help me kill it."
But if they asked questions, I answered. If they asked "well was something going on?" I owned up to my side. I didnt stint at all.

But every single one of them said,
"but you didnt cheat on HER right?"
"Well, then she shouldnt have done that, especially with you willing to work on the marriage."

Her whole family is PISSED. I hope they dont abandon her, I have called a few times and said that, "dont leave her hanging, be her friends and family, help me repair this marriage."

I guess I can hope and dream it will work out.

At this point, I dont really believe it will, I cant see how it could, but I DO know that what I am doing is the right thing. That keeps me going.

I am doing the right thing, by my son, and for my marriage.

It certainly can work out and there are many people on here who can attest to that....


As Mel said hang on the ride has yet begun, but listen to them they know their stuff.

You have done great tonight!!!!

MelodyLane #2381684 05/28/10 10:04 PM
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BT, the next watch outs will be to not react to her anger and to NOT leave your home or allow her to take your boy away from his home. If she tries to kick you out, tell her no thank you. If she threatens to move out in the night with the boy, tell her she is free to go, but she is not free to take your boy from his safe home without a court order and a sheriff with a bigger gun than yours.

Let her know you will not cooperate with any divorce scheme and if she files, you will countersue for adultery - let her know in your state that she will get no alimony. And that you will sue for primary custody of the child and possession of the home. [other fathers from your state on this board have recieved this]

The point is not to be mean, but to BURST HER FANTASY. Your wife believes that she can replace you with the OM. Your job is to disabuse her of this notion.

Once you lay this out to her, then present her with the CARROT of Plan A. Tell her you are willing to forgive her and work on having a great marriage if she ends her affair and participates in MB coaching with you. Let her know you love her and are willing to give her an opportunity to EARN your forgiveness.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2381685 05/28/10 10:06 PM
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God Bless you for standing up for your son, BT!! He has a father he can be proud of.

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