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Still_Crazy #2381706 05/28/10 10:56 PM
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Oh, and have your recorder ready when she gets home... you'll want to record your conversation w/ her in case she tries to pull something and call the police to fabricate a story about you.

She won't be the first WW who has pulled that on their BH.

Be ready!


Marshmallow #2381707 05/28/10 10:58 PM
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Marsh,

Are we using the same brain tonight or something?

Mark

Mark1952 #2381708 05/28/10 11:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Mark1952
Marsh,

Are we using the same brain tonight or something?

Mark

LOL

They always use the same script.

Marshmallow #2381710 05/28/10 11:34 PM
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Incoming post, please stick around and read it...


Lifelong recovery never ends.

MelodyLane #2381713 05/28/10 11:40 PM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Tell her this: THERE WAS A NANNY CAM IN THE HOUSE AND WE ALL KNOW NOW. Don't tell her anything more.

Brilliant !

Last edited by Pepperband; 05/28/10 11:40 PM.
BTinTrouble #2381715 05/29/10 12:07 AM
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Ok, so... OIC and Deputy basically caught them. Not in the act, but word trap, and OM admitted it to the OIC.

So now I have that evidence.

I called OM, he didnt answer.

I called WW. She answered. I told her I thought she should come home. She said Oh really? You can tell me what to do now?

She said things like:

I cant believe you called my family first and didnt have the balls to confront me.
You knew I was leaving you, I told you in September.
You dont own me.
I cant believe you would do this.
I was gonna leave you already.
What did you tell my mom, do you know how upset you made her? I cant believe you would do that to her!

Lots of that.

I mostly said:

I love you, I want you to come home, I dont trust you, but I want us to work on this.
WW, you have left your son to sleep here without you so you could go out with OM.
Everyone knows WW. Everyone. Your friends and family, mine, everyone. Its not a secret anymore.
When she said she might come home tomorrow I told her to think about her son and her family.

Then I called OM again, he answered, I said flat out:
Hi, I want to be clear, you are not welcome at my house, around my family or my son. I dont control what my wife does but I dont want to see you on my property or around my son.
He said, "ok" and hung up.


Ok, OM still doesnt know that OMW knows. She asked me not to relay that. She 100% ID'd him on the audio. OM is also fired from his job, and the friend (who is a friend of mine) is not going to allow him to stay at his house anymore. OMW I think plans to change the locks tomorrow. So OM doesnt really have many places to go. I wonder if WW will head off with him.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381719 05/29/10 12:21 AM
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Quote
I wonder if WW will head off with him.


OM is unemployed now. WW doesn't have a job. The chances that they will head off into the sunset is not very likely.

Their "love" affair is not as wonderful as it was before exposure.

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When she said she might come home tomorrow


She'll be home. Count on it.

BTinTrouble #2381720 05/29/10 12:22 AM
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BT,

It's been a long day for you. Think about taking a walk and getting some air. Tomorrow may be worse, so think about your son too, and maybe arrange some help on that end if there might be fireworks in the house. Also, and I know this may sound impossible right now, but try to get some sleep. You've been through the ringer today, but you done good.



Me 41
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God I feel like crap...

so much nervous energy.

I cant believe she refused to come home.

I guess I can, it fits the fog...

I need to read up on that.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

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BT,

I want you to read through this thread w/ the eyes that WW is having an A. Your WW did a great job convincing you that the reason she wanted to end things is b/c of you. You need to understand that that wasn't true. The things she complained about to you were GREATLY exaggerated by her in order for her to justify her A.

I'm not saying you don't have room to improve yourself, but I'm saying you need to shift your perspective a bit in order to regain your footing.

I would have liked it better if you had delivered the message Mel suggested... Just state the fact that everyone knew. That way WW would have been WORRIED that YOU might kick her out of her home. Turn the tables on her.

But, I think you were unable to do that b/c you are still blaming yourself for most of this.

You are 50% responsible for the condition of your M. But SHE is 100% responsible for the A.

BTinTrouble #2381723 05/29/10 01:08 AM
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Just a couple of things that jumped out at me right away from your first post...

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She mentioned that one of her major issues was that she didnt feel appreciated, and I sure did do a lousy job of showing my appreciation so I starting trying to do things to show it. I started leaving little notes under her door, or on her TV or in her Kitchen telling her specific things she did that day that I appreciated and how much they meant to me. She told me to stop leaving notes, said they make her feel uncomfortable and refused to explain why they made her feel that way. She has threatened to "leave faster" if I make her stay uncomfortable.

Your plan A was making her uncomfortable b/c it was making it more difficult for her to justify her A to herself.

Quote
Good news, she has said she wants to be friends and make this amicable. She says we have a child to raise and have to do it together even though we wont be married.

This was not good news. She wanted you to be her friend after she D'd you for another man. That way she could tell herself that what she did wasn't bad/wrong otherwise you two wouldn't still be friends.

This is why it is so important that you tell her all the things Mel suggested earlier. That if she leaves you, you will NEVER be her friend. That she will not get alimony. That you will fight HARD for custody.

You need to keep bursting her fantasy future bubble w/ hard core reality.


Marshmallow #2381725 05/29/10 01:21 AM
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You might want to think about your financial precautions, at this time.

If you have credit cards that WW can use, cancel them.

If there is $$$ WW can access, button it up.

Do not spend the money yourself, just put roadblocks in WW's way if she decides to go out an purchase anything.


Marshmallow #2381726 05/29/10 01:46 AM
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Thanks Marsh, I need to get that right in my head.

When and if she calls tomorrow, I am going to make it more clear that I WILL NOT allow my son to be exposed to this.

I want to get a lawyer and see if there is a sort of "seperation" type thing you can get where I get full temp custody until we figure out what to do. I dont mind divorcing her for a while until we work it out either...

I want to save my [censored], I dont trust her. The door is open for her to come back but its a long hall way with lots of video cameras and retina scans and stuff before she gets inside again. They are pretty retina scanners, and fluffy and nice to look at (Plan A), but they are still retina scanners.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381727 05/29/10 01:47 AM
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Pepperband, how do I do that?


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381731 05/29/10 02:07 AM
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Call your credit card companies (make sure you are at zero balance) and ask them to cancel your card.

Open up a new savings/checking account and move your money out of your old account and into your new one.

Marshmallow #2381735 05/29/10 06:03 AM
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Day 2...

I think I should have ate and slept more yesterday.

Happy to see little boy happy when he opened his room door and saw me in mommy and daddy's bed.

I was by myself.

She didnt come home last night.

That hurts a lot more than I thought it would.

She abandoned her son to stay out with him...

I wish I knew what happened to my wife. WW isnt her, she is an alien for sure. I hope to see my wife again someday. I miss her.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381736 05/29/10 06:13 AM
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So, she just called. I answered. Not sure if I should have.

Said she decided she not going to come home till Monday like she planned. Says she cant trust me anymore.

I said, you cant trust me? WW, you are abandoning your son to cheat on your husband. Let me put our son on the phone so you can explain to him why you arent home.

She said, he doesnt know, why would I talk to him, he doesnt know whats going on

Yes he does WW, in the same way you chide me for swearing around him, he knows. You need to think about what you are doing.

WW: I see you are upset. Maybe on monday you can be better about this and not be so upset. You and our son need quality time anyway, he missed his daddy this week.

Me: He probably thought his daddy was here, since he wouldnt be able to tell the difference from outside your room.

WW: Right... goodbye BH, see you on monday.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381738 05/29/10 06:25 AM
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darnit...

I am reading Plan A / Exposure threads linked from the Newly Betrayed Posters thread.

I need to shut my mouth.

At least I havent apologized once for telling everyone.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2381740 05/29/10 06:41 AM
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BT good morning.

Yes you do need to try to eat and get some sleep, that little one will not allow you to sleep during the day smile , and you need to be at your best right now. Trust me when i say that i know how difficult that can be when you feel like you are going to puke......

It is okay if you stumble just get back on that horse.

Read up on everything you can here and she is following the wayward script to a tee. The vets on here will be able to tell you what she is going to say before she says it, it has happened so many times.

I can bet you that their weekend is not pleasant right now and i am really surprised she did not want to end it, it is probably more that she didn't come home because that is what you wanted her to do. And she will say more and more of this stuff so be prepared.

Just make sure you let her know that she will not be taking your son anywhere.....

Still_Crazy #2381741 05/29/10 06:43 AM
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And you are correct, you are not sorry about any of this, you are trying to save your marriage and it can not be saved with the OM in it....

And i agree with Marsh, that yes you may have contributed to the state of your marriage, but it is not your fault she had an A. That is ALL on her.....

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