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BTinTrouble #2381804 05/29/10 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
Lil Lastly, WW mother and grandmother seem to be mostly in shock, sending texts to me saying, "there is nothing to do, God knows, we are praying and trusting in him."

BT, tell them there is much they can do, such as call your WW and try to talk some sense into her. They can also call the OM and talk to him.

When will the OMW be telling him? It is part of your strategy to let them know this weekend so it ruins their weekend together. Tell her this.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Tom2010 #2381806 05/29/10 08:25 AM
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Whatever you do...stay calm.

In the court of public opinion and possibly in court someday she (and her attorney) will be portraying the current events as you behaving like a raving controlling vindictive lunatic.

Keep notes of who you called, what was said and when you spoke to them. You never know if one or more of these people will end up on her side testifying about such conversations and making you out to be a madman. Your notes will be admissable and will portray your intent and your demeanor.

Your intent is/was: seeking help for your crazy wayward wife and family.

Mr. W


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
MelodyLane #2381807 05/29/10 08:26 AM
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See, its extremely important to your strategy that the infidels know NOW that the OMW knows so that these exposures hit like a TSUNAMI. You need to tell them TODAY before they have a chance to regroup, BT. The OMW is stealing your tsunami and that can't be.

The cheaters should know as soon as possible the entire list of exposure targets so it washes over them like a tsunami. Its not enough to just expose, they have to KNOW to whom they are exposed.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2381808 05/29/10 08:30 AM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
See, its extremely important to your strategy that the infidels know NOW that the OMW knows so that these exposures hit like a TSUNAMI. You need to tell them TODAY before they have a chance to regroup, BT. The OMW is stealing your tsunami and that can't be.

I agree. If OMW is finished w/ her M, then she's not on the same page as you are.

You need to do what is in the best interest of YOUR family.

MelodyLane #2381813 05/29/10 08:42 AM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
Lil Lastly, WW mother and grandmother seem to be mostly in shock, sending texts to me saying, "there is nothing to do, God knows, we are praying and trusting in him."

BT, tell them there is much they can do, such as call your WW and try to talk some sense into her. They can also call the OM and talk to him.

When will the OMW be telling him? It is part of your strategy to let them know this weekend so it ruins their weekend together. Tell her this.


I missed this, I thought they had called or texted her. BT, please ask them to call her and tell her to return home to her H and son.

Why does the OMW not want to call her cheating H? I thought this a complete shock to her.

SWW

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Why does the OMW not want to call her cheating H? I thought this a complete shock to her.

BT said OMW wants to change the locks on her house.

Marshmallow #2381819 05/29/10 08:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Marshmallow
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Why does the OMW not want to call her cheating H? I thought this a complete shock to her.

BT said OMW wants to change the locks on her house.

ok, she can have that done by noon. BT, is she doing that right now? You need this exposure done today. It is critical to your strategy.

How far away from the camp ground does the OMW live?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Still_Crazy #2381824 05/29/10 09:08 AM
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Good news, she has said she wants to be friends and make this amicable. She says we have a child to raise and have to do it together even though we wont be married.

Oh, no ya don't - do not fall into this trap!

If she wants to be "friends", it's only because she wants to be able to destroy her family and feel good about it.

I know you have a lot going on but when you get a minute, please take a look at this MB thread titled "The Fantasy of Divorce":

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2275600#Post2275600






Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
BTinTrouble #2381828 05/29/10 09:16 AM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
I know there are many religious people on here, and I do not in any way intend to offend you guys, but I personally do not understand what I call the "head in the sand, do nothing, it will all go away, if anyone asks we are praying" idea.

Please help me understand this somehow, I dont want to DJ them, I am sure they think that is "helping" or something, I just dont know, I dont understand the mentality. Help...

We all know that WS go batsh*t when they are exposed, because now the world knows that they are liars and cheaters.

Someone here wisely pointed out that when friends and relatives of the WS are told of the affair, they too are "exposed" - in the sense that if they knew, or suspected, and did nothing, they have also been "exposed" as people who tacitly support adultery.

This explains the anger and withdrawal from said friends and relatives that often follows their being told of the WS's adultery.

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I cannot, just CANNOT BELIEVE, that any alien could mind control my WW so badly that she is abandoning her son.

Addiction can do that, BT. Addiction takes many forms. Even Dr. Harley says that adultery is a form of addiction - either addiction to the fantasy of one particular person (as in your WW's case) or, sometimes, as full-on sex addiction.

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Is that what living with meth addicts is like?

By all accounts, yes. You got it.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Mulan #2381833 05/29/10 09:32 AM
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About the $$$ .....

Make a notation in your truth journal:

Date
transferred (amount) from ( account) to (account)
Reason: possible security compromise of account #1


WELL DONE YOU !!!
Stay frosty.

Mulan #2381834 05/29/10 09:32 AM
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Wow - so I go to bed and get up to all this! Way to go, BT! (Sir.) You, my friend, will be held up to newbies as an example of someone who did it right.

If I may, though, I would suggest that you let the adulterers know that everyone knows, including OMW. That's one of the reasons your WW asked you who you told - OM told her to ask you. This will only strengthen your plan. I don't know that OMW is changing the locks - that sounds a little premature, when she's only heard this from you and hasn't confirmed it with OM. Hell's bells, buddy - I'd tell them I just stopped short of renting a billboard out by Highway 9! Let them deal with the fallout of your honesty!

Hopefully you've cut off her fun money by now, yes? Leave enough in the joint account so she can't claim you 'left her destitute.' Fifty bucks ought to do it. Cancel the credit cards - if there's a balance you won't be able to, so tell your cc company you want the limit to be whatever the balance is.

They are still together, mapping out damage control. This will not be the romantic weekend they had originally planned, now will it. wink You have definitely thrown a damper on that little getaway!

My call? She'll be home before Monday because OM won't last after he finds out his W knows. Because you're going to tell them. Right?

She will be furious. See if you can get child care on call. And then stay calm in the face of her storm. It WILL subside. Tell her everything you've done - financial support for funding the A has been cut, everyone knows, OM is fired. Because you will do whatever it takes to save your M.

You are a MARITAL WARRIOR, BT! hurray


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

maritalbliss #2381838 05/29/10 09:40 AM
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My suggestion regarding OMW:

Call OMW and give her your WW's cell phone #.

OMW will not be able to resist calling.

The phone will need to die eventually anyway, might as well put it to good use killing the adultery now.
grin



maritalbliss #2381839 05/29/10 09:41 AM
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I don't know that OMW is changing the locks - that sounds a little premature, when she's only heard this from you and hasn't confirmed it with OM.


She ID'd her WH's voice in the rutting recording BT played for her.

She also knows she's not working like he said he was... She confirmed that he wasn't working w/ his employers.

But, you're right. She may change her mind about saving her M.

Marshmallow #2381845 05/29/10 09:50 AM
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And BT? Remember Regan, the possessed kid in The Exorcist? That may be what's coming home to you. She'll be livid - she'll be coming down hard off her crack high. Expect all kinds of outlandish things to come out of this alien's mouth: she's never loved you, she was only in the M for your son, the M had a chance but you've ruined it now, it's all your fault, blah blah blah. Disregard this - addicts say a lot of things when they're mired in their drug and can't get another hit.

Stay calm and focused. No, you can't control her, but you can control yourself. And you will do whatever it takes to save your M.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

maritalbliss #2381853 05/29/10 10:06 AM
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When WW gets home, you will need that VAR handy.
Like in your pocket.
If things get super heated, WW starts yelling, making threats, whatever, you will be wise to have that sort of conversation recorded.

If necessary, have a friend on standby, to come over to be a witness.

The enraged WW alien is capable of making false claims of abuse.

You need to be 100% in control of yourself.

If you feel a swelling of rage, lock yourself in the bathroom until it passes.

Have your cell phone ready.
Call a friend and have them listen in if you cannot have a witness in the flesh.

Call OMW, give OMW your WW's phone #.




Pepperband #2381861 05/29/10 10:24 AM
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Don't want to overload you, BT, but also: she may want to storm out in a huff. That's her right. But your son doesn't go - he stays with YOU.

So let her storm off. With Nothing. She'll be back.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

maritalbliss #2381887 05/29/10 11:20 AM
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BT, something else to think on. Your wife is excusing her adultery with " I asked for a divorce last September. " I believe you have adopted this screwy line of thinking. "Asking for a divorce" is not an entitlement for adultery. Adultery is adultery.

If she believes that "asking for a divorce" will excuse her adultery, then she can explain her reasoning to a North Carolina judge and see how damn far that gets her.

If she says this to you again look at her with shock and say "ADULTERY IS ADULTERY. We are married."

I think this is how she has justified it in her mind and this is nothing more than a manipulative play on words. She also "asked you for a divorce" so you would be scared into giving her space to carry on her adultery. It worked!

This is another example of why you must look at her ACTIONS and ignore her words. The truth is that she is married woman and having an affair while married is ADULTERY. Her silly words do not change that.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2381895 05/29/10 11:38 AM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
I think this is how she has justified it in her mind and this is nothing more than a manipulative play on words. She also "asked you for a divorce" so you would be scared into giving her space to carry on her adultery. It worked!

And all her threatening to leave you "faster" if you don't back off...was all MANIPULATIONS.

She has been manipulationg the hell ot of you.

When she got nervous that you were looking at her phone records, she told OM about it. And HE got so nervous that he actually came over to help smooth out your fears about the two of them.

What his actions showed you was that his intentions have never been to take your WW away from you. He just wanted to use her. And he wanted to keep you in the dark so he could do it w/o much hassle.

When she comes home and threatens to leave you say, "There's the door, you are free to leave any time, but our son stays here."

Call her on her threat. B/c that's all it is.

Quote
This is another example of why you must look at her ACTIONS and ignore her words.


Absolutely!


MelodyLane #2381905 05/29/10 11:53 AM
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BT, something else to think on. Your wife is excusing her adultery with " I asked for a divorce last September. " I believe you have adopted this screwy line of thinking. "Asking for a divorce" is not an entitlement for adultery. Adultery is adultery.


Good point, Mel.

She definitely believes that asking BT for a D equals getting D.

There! I asked him for a D, now I can do as I please!




Marshmallow #2381910 05/29/10 12:01 PM
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Hopefully we are not overloading you with info.

Here's one more tid-bit.

NEVER call OM by name.

ALWAYS refer to OM as "Kathy's husband".
Or whatever OMW first name is.

Do not call OM nasty names in front of your wife. Here on the forum, call him whatever you like.
In front of WW it is "Kathy's husband".


Last edited by Pepperband; 05/29/10 12:02 PM.
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