Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
Not been having a good few days. I have been having nightmares for the past few nights. I am currently looking at calling my primary doctor and hoping she will prescribe something for me.


Almost hoping for Lexapro or Effexor. Last time I was on them, I became an emotional zombie. I could feel nothing; happy, sad, or in between. I realize that some of what is going on with me at the moment is my hormonal state, but I am not sure how much longer I can deal with this emotional downturn.

As for my marriage, nothing really new to report. I have been locked in my own emotional h@ll so I can not move forward at this time. I don't think I am even trying these last couple of days frown


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 5,312
_
Member
Offline
Member
_
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 5,312
Originally Posted By: ElunaInNC
It was not that I would not, it was that the thought had just occurred to me. So I was going back and forth on if I could trust the PO to ensure she got it. That was all.


How's it going, Eluna? ETA: Sorry to hear about your emotional nightmares. Glad you're checking with your doctor for meds.

The return-receipt card will have a signature of the person who receives the mail. If you sent it to her office, it could be a mail-clerk but if you sent it to her home it will be her or her 'significant other'.

I forgot if you've mentioned whether or not she's married or has a boyfriend. Is she married? (If so, exposure to him is the next step to help rebuild your trust. At least, that's how it worked for us.)

Way to go. Thanks for the update...we were simulposting!.

Ace

Last edited by _Ace_; 05/28/10 08:57 AM.

FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
WS has been at my side constantly the past few days. Even when I just want to curl up and be left alone. He will sit in the room away from me, and just talk to me or bring me tissue to wipe my eyes. Sometimes I feel like he is on vigil trying to protect me from more pain, but that is a futile task at this point.

I want to believe these are the actions of someone who really wants to work on our marriage, but these days I don't know what to believe. He does not get upset with me about any thing I am doing, even when I ask for his keys to snoop through his car he did not get upset. He said it made him feel uncomfortable and he did not like the feeling, but if it would ease my mind then it was worth it.

So far I can find not contact. Not even a hint. what do I do now? I want to move forward, but feel stuck.


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted By: ElunaInNC
WS has been at my side constantly the past few days. Even when I just want to curl up and be left alone. He will sit in the room away from me, and just talk to me or bring me tissue to wipe my eyes. Sometimes I feel like he is on vigil trying to protect me from more pain, but that is a futile task at this point.

I want to believe these are the actions of someone who really wants to work on our marriage, but these days I don't know what to believe. He does not get upset with me about any thing I am doing, even when I ask for his keys to snoop through his car he did not get upset. He said it made him feel uncomfortable and he did not like the feeling, but if it would ease my mind then it was worth it.

So far I can find not contact. Not even a hint. what do I do now? I want to move forward, but feel stuck.


Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint. You've got quite a bit ahead of you. You are still in the middle of processing everything. It's going to take some time, Eluna. Everything sounds very encouraging, though.

Have you gone through the Emotional Needs Questionnaire with your H? That would be a good next step.

Expect to have good days, then bad days as you recover. Meds can help. I didn't use them, although my Dr. did give me a prescription after I told him my story. (I went to be tested for STDs. Have you done that?)

The rollercoaster didn't even out for me for about 14 months. Most of my days are good days now. (15 months into R) I wish I could give you the magic bullet, but there isn't one. Time and a repentent H will help heal you. Read everything on this site to affair-proof and rebuild your M.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
Originally Posted By: maritalbliss

Have you gone through the Emotional Needs Questionnaire with your H? That would be a good next step.

Expect to have good days, then bad days as you recover. Meds can help. I didn't use them, although my Dr. did give me a prescription after I told him my story. (I went to be tested for STDs. Have you done that?)



I have taken the Emotional Needs Questionaire, but have not discussed it with him in depth. I wanted to wait until he was a little farther into His Needs, Her Needs.

As far as STDs. One of the first things I told him to do was to go get tested. When I found out that some STDs were easier to detect on a woman, I went to my OBGYN and had a full screen done as well. Luckily everything was negative, but I went off several times asking how he could so callously toss my life and our son's life into potential danger like that.

His results came back the day before I had my panel done. And given the timing of the affair and D-Day, my Dr felt comfortable that duplicate negative results would put me in the clear.


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted By: ElunaInNC
As far as STDs. One of the first things I told him to do was to go get tested. When I found out that some STDs were easier to detect on a woman, I went to my OBGYN and had a full screen done as well. Luckily everything was negative, but I went off several times asking how he could so callously toss my life and our son's life into potential danger like that.

His results came back the day before I had my panel done. And given the timing of the affair and D-Day, my Dr felt comfortable that duplicate negative results would put me in the clear.


Good girl.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 25
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 25
I'm new and just reading threw this post has helped me alittle just because my WH has done everything your husband has such as given up computer, answers questions, and tells me when he's leaving where and when he'll be home and so on almost seems to easy..

Altho he had a PA with my sister that is alittle harder to work threw but just reading through these posts makes me wonder if he realized he just made a huge mistake, I hope you and your husband make it I will pray for you.

I know it's going to be tuff. But us women can be a strong lot.


Husband slept with sister who lived w/us
Married:5-12-2005
DDay: 2-25-2010
Bestfriends brother known for 20years
Kids: 5

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
Hi Jan,

It is tough, but that is why were are here. Looking for support and information. Interesting thing: The nightmare I had yesterday involved my WS sleeping with my sister. It is not reality, but it still shook me to the core even though it was a dream.


Ok Two quick updates:

1. She signed for the letter at 1:22pm today. I am starting to feel like I am taking some of my life back. Am I the only one who finds it a little liberating that the OP has to go to the Post Office and sign for a letter stating "leave me alone" from the WS?

2. I started my anti-depressants this morning. Although it should take 2-4 weeks to reach full effect, I did read that I could see a small change in as little as 8 hours. So maybe the fact I feel a little relaxed this evening is a good sign for this drug.

Ok just got back from a mini-date with WH. He took me out for some ice cream. First time I have wanted any this year. Like I said, maybe this is an upswing. Here is hoping.


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
Medication seems to be helping. Everyone has commented that I seem more relaxed, so I guess that is a good thing.

WS is down. He said it is because last week I told him that everyday it is harder for me to love him. I did say that, because everyday I was getting angrier and nothing was getting through to me. That is one of the main reasons I asked for medication.

I don't know what to believe at this point. I told him that I am operating under the premise that he was down for reasons other than me and if not then it was he responsibility to prove otherwise to me.

Still stuck in limbo.


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted By: ElunaInNC
WS is down. He said it is because last week I told him that everyday it is harder for me to love him. I did say that, because everyday I was getting angrier and nothing was getting through to me. That is one of the main reasons I asked for medication.

I don't know what to believe at this point. I told him that I am operating under the premise that he was down for reasons other than me and if not then it was he responsibility to prove otherwise to me.


Don't try to get a wayward to come to their senses, Eluna. He'll do that eventually. It sounds to me like you're trying to goad him into straightening up, and I don't think that's wise. Stay supportive and loving, bite your tongue when you want to start poking at him.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
I have finally reached a calm day.......

Yesterday we started talking about recreational activities that we can do together. We even went on an evening stroll together.


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
Finally Friday. Maybe I will have a good weekend. Here's hoping.


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
I should mention that I have broached the subject of WH coming to the forums and posting. He said he has not made up him mind as to whether he wants to or not, but at least he has not shot it down completely.


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,834
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,834
ELNC:

Have you read MisterJK's thread?

A WH who just came here?

Its interesting. THere is a time for your WH to come here. Don't push it.

An MB weekend may be better for the two of you.

LG

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
LG,

Actually we both read MisterJk's Thread yesterday.

As far as a MB weekend, although I would love for us to do that, financially it is out of the question at this time. frown

As far as pushing him, as I said, I broached it and have left it at that. It is up to him if he chooses to come into the fold here. I only mentioned that he MAY be able to find help from FWS who have successfully began recovering their marriages after an affair.


Thanks


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
So I decided to do a little snooping today on the OW. I logged into my old FB account and went to her page (she has blocked my H from seeing her page, and I have her on perma block on our joint account, but she never blocked her account from my FB.) Looks like she is now in a new relationship.

Part of me is thinking THANK GOD!!!!!


And then there is that vengeful side of me that really wanted to type "Is he married, just like my husband was when you were screwing him?" on her status update. I did check the new guy's relationship status, and after seeing nothing of interest, I logged out and logged back into our joint FB. No comments left, and I think I will keep this tidbit completely to myself where H is concerned.


Progress? Comments please


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted By: ElunaInNC
So I decided to do a little snooping today on the OW. I logged into my old FB account and went to her page (she has blocked my H from seeing her page, and I have her on perma block on our joint account, but she never blocked her account from my FB.) Looks like she is now in a new relationship.

Part of me is thinking THANK GOD!!!!!


And then there is that vengeful side of me that really wanted to type "Is he married, just like my husband was when you were screwing him?" on her status update. I did check the new guy's relationship status, and after seeing nothing of interest, I logged out and logged back into our joint FB. No comments left, and I think I will keep this tidbit completely to myself where H is concerned.


Progress? Comments please


Good to hear that she seems to have moved on. Don't mention anything to your H about it. You want to keep this snooping tool to yourself.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
Thanks MB.

Yes, I agree. I need to keep this one to myself.


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
As a part time hobby, I make and sell jewelry. So today WE are going to be spending the day at a local arts celebration trying to sell my work. I hope things continue to improve. I will say I feel like the Sarafem is working wonders for me. And the fact that she is now in a new relationship has done alot to ease my mind.


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 306
Well that was an interesting day. For the most part things seemed to go pretty well, except once when I came back taking our son up the road to visit briefly with an acquaintance. When I came back he was checking his phone. Having seen him checking his phone, I immediately felt my heart sink. My first thought was that he was in contact with her. I asked what he was doing and he said he was checking FB to see if his friend Jon had sent a notification if he was coming to the show or not.

I found no evidence to suggest he was doing anything other than what he claimed, but it still made me really uncomfortable.

And before anyone wonders if he was texting her..... His phone does not have texting ability, because I removed it from both of our phones when I took over the account.


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
Page 3 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 16 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Ella Paradis, Lethabo, Livn1dayAtaTime, widup, Reggg
71,683 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,528
Posts2,322,563
Members71,682
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5