Has WW tried to contact you anymore?

Sometimes going dark will make a WW go nuts wondering what is going on back at the ranch. Enough to push her to come back ASAP.

Thing is she is most likely dependent on OM for transportation.
OM does not want to leave when he's getting laid and has a house full of anger family to face when he gets back to his house.

You have to let pressure of exposure to do it's work.

Good morning BT

This does not surprise me either BT, waynerds usually affair down, way way down....

Your WW will do things that you will not believe and continue to do them unless the A ends and she has NC with OM for life.

Just keep doing what you are doing and do not panic, you are doing fine

She called this morning at 0800, didnt leave a message.

No she is NOT dependant on him. She has our RAV4. I have my car, and the car seat.

BT remember you have been only thirty days. This will not be a thirty one day war.

Today not many posters will be here. We are not having company but have many projects to do. Will check in.

I doubt he is getting laid with all of what is going on, but agree with letting her wonder.

Good morning, BT. This post bears repeating. Exposure has turned the lights on in the Affair Crack House. The addicts aren't enjoying their high right now. Your WW is probably trying to contact you to rant and rave because she knows you've unleashed exposure. Nothing will be accomplished by engaging with her. Don't answer the phone. Like Pep said, if it's an emergency she will leave a message.

I suspect she will be home soon.

Yes, confirm. It sounds a little suspect, more like something a furious BW would say. However, do NOT discount it. You need to be tested.

k, if she wants to leave messeges I will check them.

OMW told me she got herpes when she was 17. OM has it.

I want to text WW and tell her.

I dont know if she will believe me, but I just, I feel like I have to tell her. If she is going to get it, she probably has it already, but I dont think its ok not to tell her. I still love her and dont want bad things to happen to her.

UPDATE: before I posted even, I did text WW. This might make recovery impossible. I just dont know anymore. I still love her, but I deserve better than diseased seconds.

I would have suggested that you wait, but it doesn't really matter.
Choosing to recover is totally up to you. But I would suggest that you wait on that decision. You have plenty of time to decide.

BT, has the OMW called her H and told him she knows? Is he aware that she knows?

An incurable STD would certainly be a deal-breaker for me, but this is your M, not mine.

Since this has likely been going on for awhile, I strongly suggest that you get yourself tested ASAP.

good grief - what a mess


Been silently watching this unfold -

Cant emphasize enough that you should get tested asap after the holiday. OMW confession/information was a gift.

BT - you have done a great job regaining your self-respect and power under the circumstances. VAR must have been awful to hear but you know your reality now.

Its easy to over look the sex act when just talking about infidelity and affairs. To actually witness or listen is another item all together.

first thing first = keep pressure on the affair to bust it - once that mission is complete - picking up the pieces after the damage will be another ordeal to come.

Too soon for life altering decisions. Even if you divorce - dont let this OM in your son's life - that is your goal and you are doing great.

Like MIM mentioned - a life of condom sex would not be a future for me - what a mess

Has BT left the building?

No, I been spending time with my son today.

Posting now while he nibbles on nuggets before bed time...

Ok, so I sent her the text informing her of the Herpes, on the off chance that he hadnt mentioned it to her. If she reads it, he is probably gonna lie to her, but I wont know that till she says something.

At this point, what other pressure can I put on the affair?

She has one of my vehicles, so she has the power to go where she wants.

I talked to OMW. She was scared about OM coming home on wednesday. I said Why?
OMW: Because I dont know what he could do?
BT: Well, what do you fear he could do?
OMW: He could all the stuff, ransack the house and such. I cant stop him from coming in.
BT: Well, hmm, you could rent a storage unit, have your daughters fiance do it so he owns it, and then put your stuff that you think is valuable in it, pack up OMs stuff (or some of it) and then have a note for him that explains you dont want him around. Have a friend there to witness it if you dont want to be there. Right now they are out in the woods in fantasy land, and its easy to think its all just facebook.
You have moved the money, change the house. Let him walk into it and get punched in the face by a mostly empty place with his stuff packed and no one there to say "HI!" He might stay, he might not but that will certainly make it clear where you stand, if thats what you want.
OMW: Wow BT, thanks thats a great idea! I can save all the documentation and stuff I have too, put that in storage. I dont know, it comes in waves. My whole life is falling apart.
BT: OMW!! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! Your life is changing. You might not feel like you have anything, but you have moved the money, you are getting the house, and you can move the items. Think what OM has. No job, no income, no access to the money you have, and nothing in his house. You might not feel like you have much, but you have MUCH more than he does. You can do this. Every time you think that there is nothing you can do, you give up a piece of that power, but if you change that thought to a positive, and focus on all that you CAN control, you add another piece to that power. Your life is changing. I know there is uncertainty OMW, but you can do this. Dont sell yourself short.


OMW also wondered aloud how OM could so calmly tell his Son he would be home on Wed "like nothing had happened."
I said, "Well, he has a scared 24 yr old girl he has to reassure that her world is NOT in fact falling apart, so he HAS to appear calm, composed and in control, or he wont get his "fun" weekend."
OMW: I suppose thats probably right. Man he is such a ............. (yeah, fill it in, wont type it, it just gets censored anyway...)

All right, so another thing I have been trying very hard on a constant basis is look for positives.

I have always been able to spot negatives fast. Reasons something wouldnt work or how it could go bad. It helps me in my job because it prevents students from getting injured since I watch them and can just extrapolate immediately how what they are doing is about to end in a chopped off arm or something.

But

it doesnt make me a very positive person which doesnt make me very pleasant to be around.

So I have been working this "muscle" of spotting positives. I am getting good at it, just have to stop and try a bit, and several come to me and I dont have to try as hard anymore either.

With everything I have learned during this affair, I have not had a problem finding a positive in it, or some way to make it positive, or a way to react to it positively. I have had no problems finding a way that I could see us a family again and happy, if she is willing to get with the program.

Until the herpes thing.

I got nothing.

She hasnt been tested, and I wont know until we both have been and come up clean, but I am trying to think if there is a way we could hold this together if she gets positive.

Even if she turned 180 and became the greatest partner ever dreamed of, SF is important to me. It has killed me to not have anything these last couple months. KILLED ME. If I was allowed to, I would be a 7 days a week, several times a day kinda guy. She could meet and exceed all 9 ENs for me to a stellar degree, but I just cant see a positive that would allow me to be ok with SF if she tests positive.

At first I thought, "well thats selfish, she could do everything right and you wouldnt take her back over an STD that isnt even lethal?" But I realize that is BS. She has it because she cheated. I didnt cheat. I didnt bring that into our marriage. So I dont think its selfish.

I hope for her sake she hasnt messed this up beyond repair.

I know I am a catch. I love her very much still, so much, I dont believe it possible that I could love someone as much as my DW (not WW, thats an alien). I KNOW I could, but I dont BELIEVE it. But I know I can love her this much but if she is positive, and I am not... thats it.

For today at least. I guess we will see.

How's this for a positive. You do know that this disease is a POSSIBILITY. You can wait to get tested and to see what her results are before you make any decision. Think about it. If some stranger came up to you 2 years ago and said, "BT, your wife will have an affair and you will try to repair your marriage." What would you have said to that person? Usually, when I ask that question, even of my Dad, they say, "I would have told that person that they were NUTS." You don't know how you are going to react to something until you are hit in the side of the head with it. One step at a time.

It is AMAZING to see how far you have come already. I know you don't feel like it, but you are doing so well. Keep it up.

ditto what Scottie said - it is a possibility with any infidelity. Just keep your mind focused to break this up...meanwhile use it as bullet to break it up. No decision has to made at this time and its no use going through what ifs until testing results.

Ok thanks guys...

I miss my DW right now.

I feel like DS is kinda is starting to too.

He cant talk but he keeps going down the hall to what WAS "her" room until I moved back in, and fiddling with door. He goes inside, looks around kinda lost, then sees an object and is distracted again. Like he is looking for her.

My heart is breaking again.

I didnt know you could have that happen so many times over and over. I guess I thought it was like a "break" where it happens, and thats it.

I dont like it.

I will make it through this.

I will.

will (v) - humans ability to force an action

I will.... for my son.

K, have to go cry now, be back in a bit.

BT, how old are you and your wife? How old is the OM?