M-25
WW-24
OM-50

WWs Dad - less than 50, 47 I think? he said he didnt want a SIL that was older than him, that he wanted me, that I was the best SIL he could have ever hoped for.

Puzzles me why the OM and WW have been able to resist the pressure to leave the park today.

Have you personally and directly told WW and OM that you have exposed them?

That is the only 100% proof of you knowing. Believing what others tell you can cost you your marriage.

Call your WW telling her that you know where she is and with who(OM),that you have exposed.

Then call the OM and ask him what his intentions are with your WW. Let him ramble a bit cut short by only saying "this is unaceptable". Then add that his BW knows about the affair, where he is, who he is with(WW), that he lost his job.

You need to stir the pot a little.

You are so young!!!

Have you told your mother?

I havent talked to my mother in um.... 7 years? And the last time I did was forced on me because I was still a minor child and the court made me talk to her.

I have met many people since.

The only person so far who has done even close to the despicable things my mother has done (that I have met and know of) is my current WW.

Actually, I guess WW hasnt physically beat DS yet, so WW is still "better" than Mommy Dearest.

I am learning forgiveness, but I havent yet got to the part of trust. Mommy Dearest hasnt tried to contact anyone in her family, or my brother in at least 6 years.

I cannot trust her near my family until I know she isnt going to do the things she did to me and my brother.

I have personally told WW that "everyone knows." She asked who, I told her "all of our friends, all of our family, if I could find a way to contact them, they know. Everyone."

I was there when the Maj told OM that he was "dismissed" and that he had to get all his stuff out of our workspace before this weekend was up and people returned to work.

I guess the only part I was not there for was OM being told his family knows. Hmmm...

Regardless if the exposure, I cant believe she hasnt come home for her son.

I am so sorry, BT. I would be so proud to have a boy like you. You are so brave and so grown up for your age. I am horrified that a sleazy 50 year old is trying to take advantage of you kids. But you stood up to him and showed who the real man is here! You have more balls in your little finger than he does in his entire body!

My boy is 28 and I would be so proud if he behaved this admirably.

TheRoad, I am getting mixed thoughts.

On the one hand its "Let the exposure do its work," and the idea that only rarely does the lightbulb suddenly light up and WW realizes suddenly, "Oh I am doing something wrong" and fog lifts. That more often its fogfogfogfogfogfogfogfogfogfogfogfogfogfogfogfogfogfog for a while before she starts to come out of it.

WW is stubborn. I am sure OM has figured this out and knows how to play to her fears and thoughts and convince her to do this to prove how "strong" she is.

DW is tenacious - basically stubborn, but for things that are important that you SHOULD care about

On the other you are saying stir the pot.

But if I call them, it seems like I am "giving in."

Now that isnt neccesarily bad, but I am not.

I am not giving in. If she never came home, hell, if she isnt home by Wednesday, I will already have filed to get temp custody for my DS's safety, and have filed for D and get sole custody of my DS. I know that fog for WW will lift one day and she will be appalled at what she did, but if she is so deep she just NEEDS to stick around till she is SURE she gets herpes... well, I dont control her.

I exposed, they cant be having a good time, several of her friends and family and my friends and family have told me they have wrote to her.

Maybe she is ignoring it and enjoying fantasy land. Once they get out of the woods and back in the real world, its going to be a bleak desolate landscape far and away from the picture perfect fairy tale world they have convinced eachother they are in.

Thanks Melody, it really means a lot.

I was raised on the idea that if someone did this to you, you put them in the ground.

I own lots of weapons.

It has been a struggle to keep reminding myself that what I am doing requires more strength than that "easy" way out. That my son needs me.

I get some satisfaction that at least while I havent stopped his heart, I have been the cause of the destruction of his life. If he manages to drag my wife with him, thats her problem.

BT, we are both in crummy places, but promise me you won't forget what your 50% was in causing things to go south (not the A, mind you, but the situation your dishonesty played in the M).

That's conditioned on also promising to stay on my a s s about my 50%, and MY dishonesty, and making sure I continue to to improve on these issues.

We need to do that for ourselves- -whether our wives are beside us or not.

Hang tough....

HBS

That is how a MAN behaves.

My boy has lots of weapons too. We sent him through the Eddie Eagle program when he was little for gun training. He is locked and loaded, baby!

HBS, I havent forgotten my 50%, thats part of the Plan A if she ever comes back, or at least comes back in time to be allowed a chance to see Plan A.

I am talking weeks here.

I honestly dont know how they COULD stay out weeks, with no money or anything, but you never know.

The Road,

I pretty much disagree with you. Just placing myself in his situation as I was a few months ago with my wife's affair, and in my view the much more sacry situation of your W going through a psychotic episode, I think BT has had enought of this for this weekend. It is his choice.

BT, I would back off now. For this short time period you have done as much as you can. Regarding the why or whether or not your W will come home tomorrow is pretty much irrelecant. She will have to come home at some point.

IMHO there has been enough talk to date and it seems to be wearing you down.. If I were in your situation I would have her personal belongings on the porch, a trusted friend around you at all times especially when she returns, your VAR on you at all times, a call tomorrow for an emergency meeting with an attorney on Tues. ( even if you have to take that day off workk), No commuciation in terms of texting her or answerign her calls or texts, and complete separation as your goal. She needs to be hit over her head and hard. So does the OM, but you have done as much as you can there. This woman, who was once your wife has betrayed you as much as Judas betrayed Christ. .

Man BT, I know this is probably not in line with MC principles, but I am going through now noncommunication, and ya know what I feel I need to now. I believe in the MB but I also believe that there is not one single instance that anyone can predict or comment on the exclusiveness of any couple. We are all unique. True, there are trends, but this is time for you to decide how to respond given the good advice you have recieved.

For me today, a pretty good day. I took my son out for a grill out with some friends and he seemed to enjoy. My daughter who lives in WA state called and we talked for awhile. Neither of them and me as well wanted to talk to Char today. Just because we had a good day and we needed that. I had a message from her counsler yesterday complianing that I had not called her and she is upset and agitated. Know what BT, unless she calls me, my son and my daughter then she does not need a go between to make her feel good. So the rest of us had a good day as a family, she didn't...that is TS, and I don't care. I went to confession yesterday and told my priest my feelings and while he did nto condone, he said God would understand in His justice.

I posted last night on my thread that I felt melencholly and I did about her. Married 41 years and now alone.

Point is also BT i have come in contact with a Russian woman here at my complex and we have talked alot. Just like on patios. Her name is Tanya and she is in her forties and yea okay I know is a sin but I am attracted to her and now expecially that my wife has started the incommunicato with me and our family. I am 67 soon to be 68 years old BT. Yea when I was younger the same with most males I thought yea I could be attractive to another female. Just brief fantasies and If anyone here would castigate me for that then just look at your self!

Point is that for alot of years now oldr I actually have felt that I am so fortunate that my wife stayed with me. I mean this is in just the last year. Since she has had to go to the nursing home. Since that time I have felt somehow like worthless that as a provider I could have prevented that. I do know now I could not have but my W somehow has presisted on that and that is what has now driven me away despite her counselor. There is another woman out there now who appreciates me and I realize it and she wants us to be together next weekend and after all this I do not know hat I am going to do.

BT, oh man, I tell you this because I do not want you to end up age 60 and wonder what and who you invested your life with. My situation is different from fact that C does has mental illness.

I right now with all of my lonly feelings need to give back. I have found a volunteer site dealing with the homeless here in the chicago area. It is in the city , but I want do to do that. Tanya agrees but she doesn't want me down there, but I am going to do that. Do you know whe BT, it is because I have found someone who loves me an appreciates, and no matter what she feels now I have to get to retiring now and doing volunteer work. I do not thing that Christ at this moment in time put Tanya in my life as simply a temptation.. I want to dedicate the rest of my life to things that are meaingful to Him.

Too long but now I needed to express.

A lot of different people in the world. Just the same, stay very close to Melody Pepper Marita, and any others you trust.

Tom

Honor your vows Tom.

Thats all I can say.

I dont know much, but I am nothing without my word.

Honor your vows and recognize the position you are putting yourself in.

You are allowing an OW to meet your unmet needs. It didnt have to be her, it could have been anyone.

You are halfway down the WS script.

Honor your vows.

I dont know your wifes history or even your really, but if you want to go be with someone else, at least tell your spouse, seperate, and get split up, before you do anything else.

Honor your vows.

41 years, dont throw it away now.

I dont listen to God, but I have read his words, and He has said He will not allow the Devil to tempt you beyond what you can bear.

Honor your vows.

BT,

I'm so proud of you too BT. My son is also older than you and another great guy. It breaks my heart that you are having to go through this and without a mom to hold you, wrap her arms around you and comfort you.

Be aware you have your Cyber-Moms out here, proud, hugging you tight.
{{{{{{BT}}}}}

Disagrees with me but wants to be a WH.

I always say consider the source......

ITA. Totally. Some posters find a warm comfy place here, though. Go figure.

Just like everybody else

I think I'm gonna make a decal of this and stick it on my car.

Tom, you do understand that God does not condone adultery. She is more than a "temptation," she can lead to your downfall. There is no excuse for adultery, Tom. If Tanya cares about you at all, she will stay away and not exploit you in your time of need. Don't degrade yourself in your last years with an affair, my good friend.

Sir BT,

I have been following your thread for a while. I'm rooting for you. You've got amazing people helping you out both here on MB and in real life, which I've noticed I don't see a lot of on other threads.

I just wanted to throw out an idea here, how about instead of WW going to see her father in July, why don't you pay for him to come here and see her asap? Is that a possibility? Does anyone else think that's a good idea?