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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 532
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Posts: 532
This might be an odd thought, and perhaps it lies within MY main issue, however, I have had an ever increasing 'urge' to just LOVE someone. I have not said "I Love You" to anyone other than my children and my parents for over 2 months now, and it is the oddest feeling I have been having over the last couple weeks.

My main thread is here Via Bank Notice but this is not my main issue. I am at peace with my divorce, in all actuality, it has been a relief in alot of ways, because there was little love and alot of problems, with my marriage of 3 years.

However, remaining within that marriage allowed me to have someone to FOCUS my LOVE, ABILITIES, ROMANCE, etc upon. Even if they were not received in a usual manner. I still had a person whom I could 'be me' with.

I find now, that I don't have that person, I feel a significant part of who I AM is diminished. I have always been a family man... my primary interests being the people I love. Now, I have my boys... no doubt, but the love and interaction I have for them is completely different than the love and interaction I wish from a Significant Other. Friends just aren't the same...

I know I am in a dangerous spot, because I am ripe for a rebound, which I am congnizant of and worried about as well. I am not dating, and will not do so until after the divorce is final regardless. And THIS is not even the reason I am writing this thread...

It is just to ask... Do you ever feel the 'need' within yourself, to say "I Love You" to someone real? To really love someone?

No. I don't feel 'whole' without someone to love. Is that a failing? Most would say it is I suspect. But I am not so sure. Perhaps it is the failing in that it could lead me down a path which is unhealthy or make me blind to the world, as it did in my last relationship/marriage. So perhaps, yes... that is where it is a failing.

I am just philosophizing at the moment. Trying to find a direction of thought which addresses my feelings at the current moment. Just thought I would ask if any of YOU had anything similar or any thoughts about it in general.

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
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JFO, just saw this. I wonder if it may be a little different for women, I have some lifelong women friends, we are like sisters to each other, share a deep connection. How would you feel about making a few guy friends like this, like brothers, maybe with kids your kids' ages, that you can get together and play basketball, or go fishing? Then when you do meet that special someone, after the divorce and all that, you will have like a ready-made community already to encourage you guys. They can give you a reality check whether this person is good for you, because they want you and your kids to be happy.

I don't there's anything suspect with wanting a life partner. I think it's great for your kids that you aren't bitter or afraid to try again in time.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200
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JustFigureditout,

I just wanted to let you know that I totally get what you are saying. Although I am a complete person on my own and am happy within myself, I know that I can be happier when I have someone to share my life with.

I love having someone to care about and hopefully to know that they care about me too. Notice that I didn't say "care for", which I think is different.

I don't believe it is a failing to want someone to love. When I found out about my WS, I couldn't understand all the different emotions that I was feeling. I didn't want to be on my own, even though I didn't really want to be with him. It was almost like it would be better that nothing.

I got into astrology and this is a direct quote from my birth chart: "You crave companionship, affection, and partnerships and feel incomplete when not involved in some relationship. You desire balance, symmetry, and evenness in your life." When I read that I realised that there was nothing wrong with me, it is just the way I am made. I expect it will be the same for you.

You will meet that special someone, but in the meantime, just enjoy spending time with yourself.

TM


Me:41
WS:42
Together 22 yrs, No kids
ILYBNILWY: April 09
WS & OW: Oct 08 - present
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/u...388#Post2282388
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,416
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I know what you mean as well. I love God. I love my children. I love my friends. I even love my dog. But that love....the DH kind of love, that has passion and urgency and intimacy....yes, I need that. I think you are perfectly normal. There really is, for people in various phases of life or whatever, a need to have THAT kind of love.

I think this is a normal desire, but I would guard your heart too. You said you were ripe for a rebound. When we feel an urgency for that kind of love, it's easy to see it when it isn't really there.

Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 141
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Posts: 141
I can understand how you feel. It's been over 5 months for me and I haven't been able to say "I love you". I also feel like a part of me is missing without this. I took it for granted a little bit I think for many years. I'm not sure what else to say but just hang in there and one day you will be able to say it again, the way you want to.


Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
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All the time.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.

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