I see what you're saying, Still. Because yes, WH said when Steve told him that he felt a "huge responsibility" lift off his shoulders. Maybe Steve was trying to tell him that it's HIS responsibility to create an environment where I love him too? I don't know. I need to clarify this with Steve. I was disappointed with his attitude change, for sure.

Yes, definitly talk to Steve about that....I am positive there was a reason for it and he sees the bigger Plan maybe better than we can.

It sounds possible that your husband felt the wrong responsibility lift off of his shoulders.

It would be good for your husband to not feel a responsibility to try to make himself feel in love with you. It may be that Steve was trying to explain that to him.

And it may be that that is the responsibility your husband was talking about.

Or it may be that he doesn't understand the distinction between a responsibility to make himself feel in love with you (which isn't his responsibility) and a responsibility to make you able to be in love with him (which is his responsibility).

I agree it seems odd for Steve to say anything at this point to lessen your husband's sense of responsibility.

{{{{{{{{{NP}}}}}}}}}}

I'm very worried about you and little bean.... Keep working with Steve, and as someone else said, write down all that you need to talk to Steve about. Make sure he's aware of all this...

Something feels off, sadly... maybe it's your H's way of dealing, but I dunno... I'm gonna keep up with you as much as possible.

HUGS!

Thanks everyone....I'm just so confused right now!

I'll talk about this with Steve and let you all know what happens. I agree something feels way off to me too...

I have a feeling that Steve would tell me pretty much the same thing in my situation - That your WH recognizes the need to repair the wounds he has done. That all you can do is sit tight until you get your WH to the point of actually repairing it. So hang in there while he is going through his withdrawal stage. Didn't the book say it will take at least 2 or 3 months while they go through withdrawal? Maybe that's what Steve was telling you to do.
Anyways I am still following your thread. Hopefully Steve can clarify some things for you.

Okay, you definitely need to talk to Steve and you need to explain it all fully. Tell him what you are worried about happening.

To me the way that your WH is acting about the not touching you and not sleeping close to you seems like his promises to OW. Maybe he said, "I will NOT be having SF with her. I will NOT touch her. I will just do what I NEED to to get to delivery." I dunno, I am just throwing it out there. Because, as crazy as it sounds, WHs don't want to "cheat" on OW.

Hang in there.

Your WH is still in C, I would bet my last dollar.

My advice to you would be to spell out very plainly to Steve that you are about to have a child, and MUST protect yourself and this child from all the turmoil that WH's continued C and fence-sitting is causing.

In your condition, you are in no condition to do the heavy lifting of R, even if that was what you were supposed to do, which it is not!

Either WH needs to write the letter, stick to it, and begin truly working at R, or you need to Plan B his hiney so fast his head spins. And by Plan B, I mean pitch black with the bar set very, very high.

Unlike many BS's who would be able to bide their time and let things unfold in their natural course, you're coming up against a brick wall. You DO NOT need to be in this kind of muddle while trying to give birth.

WH gets on board 100% or you go on a cruise without him. Sure, you'll circle back by the dock in a month or two and see if he's still standing on it...

My .02

WH is talking to Steve right now, and then I will talk to him and raise all my concerns.

I think WH's actions are the reason for the rage I've been feeling recently. I told him last night that I felt we were right back to the beginning where he was not committed, and it was a place I didn't want to be and wasn't willing to be, and I thought my letter had made that clear before he came home. THEN he started saying how yes, he wants to recover the marriage, he's just not in love with me right now and not willing to start investing emotionally in our marriage until he "sees changes in me."

If I wasn't pregnant and unable to lift things I would have bodily hauled his @$$ out the door.

Ugh. Anyway, I'm going to be talking to Steve soon so I will keep you all updated on what Steve says.

K, NewPetals....You are doin good...

NP, he says THIS to you?? I want to haul his butt out the door.

I agree with Neak. Certainly see what Steve says, but as it stands now, I would hit him with a mercilessly swift Plan B that is impenetrably dark. Enough is enough.

Unless Steve sees something supremely different, this is what I'm thinking. WH doesn't deserve any of the effort I am putting into this relationship. I agree - ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!

If you aren't going to listen to me NP please listen to Neak. She said pretty much exactly what I have been saying to you for a while. WH is either 'all-in' right now or you need to Plan B his sorry @ss!!

Listening to you both, mindshare! I am NOT WILLING to put up with his fence sitting/cake eating any longer!

Soo glad to see you stand up for yourself and your little ones! Hang in there.

I agree, NP. I think it's time for some tough love/consequences.

For the record, I also believe that Neak is correct about contact as well. I know withdrawal can explain WH's distance but this doesn't 'feel' like it is due to withdrawal to me.

She is listening to everyone!!! But most of all she is going by what STEVE HARLEY has been telling her....

Still waiting for Steve....he's really talking up a doozy to WH right now.....

I agree about the C. I haven't found solid proof but I have a feeling he is still talking to her. What really bothers me is this - I had asked to see phone records, emails, etc, and HE SAYS, "I can give you all that, but what's to say I don't just go make another email address or get a new phone?" WHY are watyurds so sly? He never used to be like this!

$LB taking dives by the day.....

The manual, the manual, wayturds go by the manual!!!