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Steve talked to WH for too long so he didn't have much time to spend with me, but I brought up my concerns, especially the lack of commitment and possible C with OW. I also said I've been struggling with holding on here, because of his actions.

Steve said each time he talks to WH he seems to be more and more onboard with the concepts, but he did say he's wobbling a bit and his emotions keep taking over and making him feel hopeless and frustrated. He gave him an assignment to sit down and talk to me about why the affair happened - taking full responsibility, but explaining the why of it. He said to set up another appointment on Monday and if WH hasn't sent the NC letter or had the talk with me, he's going to have some serious questions about what he's trying to accomplish here.

He said he understands where I am right now but I need to understand that it's a process that we are going through, and just to hold on until our next meeting where he'll start with me so he and I can go over what is going on on my end.

About the contact with OW, he says there IS a bit of a blind faith element right now, and he doesn't like that, but we need to keep working through the process and deal with that later.

So close to giving up. I guess it's only a few more days but now I have to get through the weekend with WH waiting to see if he follows Steve's plans.....


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Okay, sound advice from Steve, he knows his stuff......you can do it NP, just get through the weekend, okay?.....God I hope your WH snaps out of it!


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Did you remind Steve of just how close you are to the delivery of lil bean and that you do NOT need the additional stress of WH when going into labor? If so, what was Steve's response to that? Does he clearly understand where you are in regards to this pregnancy?

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Originally Posted by mindshare
Did you remind Steve of just how close you are to the delivery of lil bean and that you do NOT need the additional stress of WH when going into labor? If so, what was Steve's response to that? Does he clearly understand where you are in regards to this pregnancy?

I did remind him of that and he said just to wait and go through the process, and we would talk more at our next appointment. Perhaps he is seeing more from WH in his conversations than I am?


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Satisfied yet, mindshare?


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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As a matter of fact I'm not. But, I'm not the one that needs to be statisfied here. NP is.....

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I dont think badgering her to listen to you helps her at all...She is following Steves Plan...


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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You are giving her conflicting advice against what Steve is advising her to do...thats a little stressful.


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Posts: 2,617
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Originally Posted by mindshare
If you aren't going to listen to me NP please listen to Neak. She said pretty much exactly what I have been saying to you for a while. WH is either 'all-in' right now or you need to Plan B his sorry @ss!!

This is just in case you dont know what I am referring to.


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Well NP...apparently, I am 'badgering' you. If you feel that way just say so and I will kindly step away from your thread.

I don't agree with Still on this, but I do agree with her that you don't need addt'l stress. She is 100% correct about that.


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You dont agree that NP should follow Steves advice?


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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I appreciate all the input I have been given - really, I do. There is always something to take away from every person's advice.

However, at THIS point, I will be following Steve's plan. Not that I don't have my doubts, I do - but, he's saved how many marriages? Thousands? And I haven't even saved one, so.... I think I trust him more than my own doubts and emotions. smile


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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I think it was mindshares tone more than anything like "If your not gonna listen to me" ya know and then the conflicting advice...sorry NP....I went a little mama bear on ya....

I agree with following Steves advice, he is the professional....

Last edited by stillhere8126; 06/03/10 01:16 PM. Reason: clarify

BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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NP, following Steve's plan is the best thing you can do. Just be sure you take care of your health and get plenty of rest.


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Originally Posted by stillhere8126
You dont agree that NP should follow Steves advice?

I didn't say that she shouldn't follow his advice. I just feel strongly that she needs a timeline in place that will remove this toxic WH from her life (at least temporarily) while she delivers lil bean. If Steve doesn't agree with that then I would absolutely, respectfully disagree with him. Leaving this open-ended and telling NP to give this whole process time when she is weeks away from her due date is not in the best interest of her and lil bean at the moment in my opinion.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, the health and wellness of NP and Lil Bean takes a greater priority then the marriage right now. Period. Just the way that I see it.


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Originally Posted by stillhere8126
I think it was mindshares tone more than anything like "If your not gonna listen to me" ya know and then the conflicting advice...sorry NP....I went a little mama bear on ya....

I agree with following Steves advice, he is the professional....

Hahah Thanks Still, I appreciate the mamabear attitude! wink And yes, Steve is the professional. smile


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
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It isn't my place to disagree with SH's advice to you, and I have sufficient confidence in his expertise to believe that if I had the opportunity to ask him for his full thought process in making the recommendation that he did, that he would have very good reasons for them. I would probably even agree with him.

So without disagreeing with him, I'm still going to very emphatically caution you to monitor your own well-being first and foremost. If at any point waiting out the process becomes too much for you, don't hesitate to pull the plug and go straight to Plan B. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Your health - physical and mental, and its foundation for the baby's health, has to be supreme above all other considerations. If you can maintain the health and the waiting at the same time, great! If you have to pick only one, pick you and Baby.

Your chances at winding up recovered are still good either way.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]

Well said, Neak.


Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
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Yes, NP take care of yourself, sweetie....What your WH is putting you through right now is crap....I am sooo sorry he is doing this at such a crucial time. And I know you wont take anymore than you can handle, because only you know what you can handle. smile


Oh yeah, forgot...good post Neak, we all care about NP and lil' bean. kiss

Last edited by stillhere8126; 06/03/10 07:02 PM. Reason: forgot

BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
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Yes, we do! hug


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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