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OK
For real ....
Based on what you wrote (assuming it is accurate, and I have no suspicion it is not)
Get an attorney.
And file for "something".
Whatever will get his lazy [censored] out.
He's poisonous.
Do not discuss it.
Assume he is telling you the truth.
His INTENTION is to live with you and be a miserable SOB.
Disallow that option.
Filing is not divorcing.
But, he has no intention of even trying to make you a happy woman at this time.
File for a legal separation, if that is available where you live. This is exactly right. And then into a midnight dark Plan B. I also agree. I heard Dr H talking on the radio show about advising people to separate to save your sanity and also recently read SMB's posts in another thread along the same lines, they were really good. I believe they were based on her conversation with Dr H as well. It has given me a lot to think about and I think people endure too much on these boards sometimes. I can find SMB's posts and repost them for you if you are interested in reading them.
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I would like to read those, Susie, if it's not too much trouble. I am okay, Scot, I promise. I'm still semi-humorous at times, but since he's stopped saying the insane things, and gone to the darker place, he's not giving me the same level of material to work with, you know? I have offered him an insane amount of fake pie and fake pasta, though, to cut off unproductive conversations. i think he might think I'm a carb addict. 
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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Was that fake pasta the ant spaghetti? HEHEHEHE I was hoping that your quietness on here meant that you didn't need us and you were spending all of your UA time with your WH. I am still praying for you. I KNOW YOU WILL BE OKAY. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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LINK Have you read this? What are Plan A and Plan B? Have you read Surviving an Affair? What other MB materials have you read? You will have to become focused and completely self-controlled from this point on. You cannot let your emotions dictate your actions any longer. You cannot let your fear be the decision maker. I recently spoke personally with Dr. Harley about Plan A and B. Here is what he emailed me: The problem that most women face who should be going into plan B is that it won't save their marriage. It simply saves them so that if their husband comes out of the fog, they will not be seriously damaged. But they want to do something that will bring their marriage back and don't want to let go. It's like trying to save a drowning child. At what point should you let go? Most parents would rather go down with their child. My advice is to keep plan A short (3 weeks max) for women, and women I counsel usually do that. But it's a tough decision to make because the husband may divorce them while in Plan B, tempting them to blame themselves. Husbands may even tell them later that the separation was what made him divorce her (shifting blame on to her). Having personal experience with this issue may help you make that point with women who are facing the biggest crisis of their lives. I stayed in Plan A too long. I suffered much emotional trauma because of that. Although we have recovered our marriage, I dealt with many triggers and memories that I could have avoided by being in Plan B. The damage caused when a BS avoids Plan B makes recovery much more difficult if the WS ever does comes out of the fog. You are allowing yourself to drown with the marriage. Your emotional health has suffered significantly. I understand this. I've been there, too. It is time for you to get yourself healthy. You are way overdue for Plan B. Are you willing to go completely no contact with your husband until he agrees to meet your requirements for marital recovery? Are you willing to not see or talk to him even if he tries to contact you? This is your best chance at healing yourself and giving your marriage the best chance to recover.
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Same thread as the last link: Look at it this way. Plan B is a statement about YOU and YOUR LIFE. Say to yourself: He's crazy. I'm not. His wayward craziness is making me crazy, so I must remove myself from it to keep me sane.
See? That's all Plan B is. Removing yourself from the drama/craziness/wacked-out/fence-sitting/waffling/babbling/fog of the wayward so that you can remain sane...or regain your sanity.
Earlier you said everyone keeps saying to focus on fixing yourself, and you asked HOW. I have a bit of a different take on the "fix yourself" philosophy that is sometimes posted around here.
I was not broken and in need of fixing just because my husband decided to have an affair. So I do not assume that other BS's are broken and need fixing either. I think we should instead ask ourselves how to REMAIN UNBROKEN while dealing with a wayward nut. When we Plan A too long or indefinitely, we risk being so damaged by their abuse that we then do need "afixing".
So HOW do we protect ourselves from being damaged by their wayward abuse?
PLAN B!!!!!
Once you are removed from the whims of a wayward, you will begin to regain some balance and will gradually build up your strength again.
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Very good SusieQ.
Thanks for sharing.
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Okay. That's very good. It's good to read that- it's very close to what my therapist has been telling me, and trying to get through my head. That distance from him is for me, and for my children, not for him, and not to cause any reaction in him.
He texted me this morning that he will be moving forward on his birthday, and that his depression will be over at that point. He asked for a cake and homemade cards on that day, and said that will be the beginning of the rest of his life. It's about a month away.
I am all huh and um, okay.
I still need to move forward, though. I have to take care of me.
Last edited by RidicSit; 06/04/10 11:19 AM.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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Not ant spaghetti, Scot.
But it's a definite possibility in the notsofaraway future!! LOL!
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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He texted me this morning that he will be moving forward on his birthday, and that his depression will be over at that point. He asked for a cake and homemade cards Huh....ummmmm....okay. I am going to become an elephant trainer on my next birthday. Or maybe an astronaut. Can�t decide.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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He texted me this morning that he will be moving forward on his birthday, and that his depression will be over at that point. He asked for a cake and homemade cards Huh....ummmmm....okay. I am going to become an elephant trainer on my next birthday. Or maybe an astronaut. Can�t decide.  RidicSit, I haven't followed your thread very carefully, but - is your WH showing any signs of leaving his depression before his bday, or is this going to be a magical day for him? 
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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He texted me this morning that he will be moving forward on his birthday, and that his depression will be over at that point. He asked for a cake and homemade cards on that day, and said that will be the beginning of the rest of his life. It's about a month away. Who said depression doesn't have a humorous side?
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I have scheduled an end to my own depression on June 17th. I think I'll go ahead and continue to be depressed until then. I have also decided to be two inches taller on July 1st.
That is just plain nuts. How the heck can he decide he will no longer suffer from depression on a certain day? Sorry you have to deal with that. Not sure if it is wayward fog or what.
-SOL
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He texted me this morning that he will be moving forward on his birthday, and that his depression will be over at that point. He asked for a cake and homemade cards on that day, and said that will be the beginning of the rest of his life. It's about a month away. Who said depression doesn't have a humorous side? This is why so many comedians are out of work. This guy works for free.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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I have scheduled an end to my own depression on June 17th. I think I'll go ahead and continue to be depressed until then. I have also decided to be two inches taller on July 1st.
That is just plain nuts. How the heck can he decide he will no longer suffer from depression on a certain day? Sorry you have to deal with that. Not sure if it is wayward fog or what. Do it on June 15th instead and you can combine it with your 195th Anniversary of Waterloo block party. Napoleon was very depressed that day.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Markos-
He has the books, I have no idea if he's reading them. Then you know he's not begun implementing the concepts, and therefore he hasn't taken this avenue to begin marital recovery. He's not met the standard for being in contact with you again, and he shouldn't be, IMO. You know what? That's exactly right. His only comment on the books has been that books don't describe him, and he's different. That's definitely an indicating of unwillingness to commit to a plan of recovery. So, out the door he goes. Even though he's been told 50 ways to Sunday that he's absolutely typical. Yep. They all say that. All the betrayed spouses say it, too. In fact, I'll bet nearly everybody on this board has at some point said they are atypical and that therefore some part or all of the program doesn't apply to them. I've said it. I was wrong!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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You guys are the best. I think I'd like to move to Hawaii on the 15th. With my kids, and no forwarding addy. LOL!
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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Send ME your addy so I can come and visit when I get my passport. I have always wanted to go to Hawaii.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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You guys are the best. I think I'd like to move to Hawaii on the 15th. With my kids, and no forwarding addy. LOL! Sooooooo ????? Where are you? Hawaii? Tahiti? Alaska? Greece? Let us know you are OK. 
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