No, anxiety.....You are fine...If he finds out just calmly and cooly apologize. You are gonna be fine...Dont get yourself worked up okay, that will only make it worse...Relax..

its ok I just spoofed my caller to make it seem like they called me first!

Really??? Okay, okay.....remember...RELAX! Breathe! You are gonna be fine.

Chill, Lisa...

The point of having a plan is to know what to do and then do the next thing that is part of the plan no matter what WH does or says.

Your focus needs to be

Meeting his ENs as much as he allows,

Avoiding Love Busters,

Controlling your own expectations and reactions.

That's about it...

Try to avoid doing things that are not part of your plan since freelancing stuff on the fly seldom goes well until you have a set of options that you can pull from that are proven winners.



Mark

lisa, you have done incredibly well. Think about how you felt the day before yesterday. If you can't remember, read some of your posts. Don't let all of that HARD work that you did yesterday and today go to waste. It was HARD, right? Even if you have a slip, it's not over. The only thing is, you will feel worse. You CAN do this.

Lisa

It might help your state of mind if you just ASSUME he is in contact. For now stop snooping, it is not helping you.

I am ok He was home when I got there and we went over bills. I told him it would be easier if I just opened an account and he just gave me a set amount each week this way I don't have to be telling him how much he can have every week. This also avoids LB since he don't have to feel like I am monitoring his spending.

Also I invited him to dinner very causally and he declined so I was ok kids lets go!

I walked him out and was talking about my test tomorrow. He told me to go early so I dont have to be there all day! He told me good luck because he knew I would pass!

I didnt ask him what his plans were for tomorrow or anything!

I did feel a little rejected because we used to be extremely affectionate kisses touches, all those things and he just said ok bye ....

I miss him sooo much! But I have my eye on the winning the war!

So another night to get through!

Im going to the movies with my girlfriend sooo wish me luck that I will be ok tonight!

I know I stopped looking at the phone bill for a while and i think i will continue to do so! Besides he knew I was monitoring the bill so i think he wont be that stupid right now!

Oh trust me waywards are STUPID...but anyway, I am so glad you are keeping busy and going out with a friend...have fun...Listen I still miss my WH more than the world, it still brings tears to my eys.....but I did a horrible Plan A because I didnt find MB until a few months later and when I did find it, I tried so hard like you but I was horrible at it. It was so so....

My point is not to do what I did, my M is not recovered...I want you to have a better chance than I did....I want you to do the best Plan A we can get you through, but just keep thinking, the more you LB and such, the less of a chance and you will end up like me....

I am 5.5 months into Plan B and there are times when I read others' posts and I think that I didn't do ENOUGH. Tht I wasn't good enough in my Plan A. During those times, I re-read my own thread. Then I read my journals from that time and I see that I did the best that I could. Now I know better and I would DO better.

Just remember that this Plan A will be temporary. You will move on to Plan B. Part of Plan A is also getting ready for Plan B. I know that you already have a letter. You are getting your finances in order. This is good. You will be ready as soon as you need to pull the plug on this Plan A.

Do you have an end date for Plan A?

I wanted to do it for at least 3 to 4 weeks...... Or as long as I can!

This is soooooo hard just thinking about him!
Have not called or texted him!

Just making it through today!

Will see about tomorrow!

One day at a time. At night, I want you to give yourself a little checklist.

Today, did I......

1. Sleep?

2. eat?

3. Do something for myself to release stress? (exercise, scream at a wall, write in my journal)?

4. take my meds as prescribed?

5. Dress to the nines and wear makeup?

6. Take care of the kiddos?

7. Try to meet my WH's ENs?

8. Avoid LBs?

9. Learn something about relationships?

10. Remember to relax?

11. "catch" myself thinking about OW and NOT calling her?

12. When I felt anxious, I calmed myself down?


I think that is a GREAT list to stick to until the end of your Plan A. Add things to it if you can. You CAN do this. You ARE doing this. Keep it up.

Last night was sooooooooooooo hard! I went out with my girlfriend and she kept telling me was let him go! He isnt coming back, He told me he is trying to let you go but you wont let him!

She set me back so much I was so optimistic yesterday and now I am a mess I couldn't even sleep! I obsessed the whole night as to where he was and that he hadn't texted me or called me!

My sister got me through the night.... she told me dont call or text him.... its just going to make things worse....

you dont know what he is thinking! He might be thinking about you as well but you need to relax and sleep because then tomorrow you will be a mess.

I need help getting through today and sticking to my plan!

Still haven't called or anything ..........

Just hanging on right now.........

lisa123prpe,
That was the hardest part for me as well, I wanted to fix everything right then and there as quickly as possible.....
I went to a therapist and he said, look you can't fix everything and right now you are not equipped emotionally to make any big decisions....he wanted me to just live one day at a time.
I wanted to talk about fixing all the time. leaving him alone to do his thinking was hard for me......Do the best Plan A you can do, take care of yourself and let him mull over in his mind the new woman he sees in you.....Remember he loved you for a reason, that just doesn't go away even though someone else is in the picture.....
Slowly he will think of you more and more and the possibilities with a life with you....
Let him miss you and your life, opening your own account is a good idea, it separates your life a little and he will look at it like he is losing you a little....
He might not like that because right now he has both worlds filling his needs if he thinks one might really end it might jolt him into some reality and out of the foggy mess he is in now....
Stay strong, smell sweet, look good and be a soft place for him to land. he will eventually see what a great place that is going to be......
((((hugs)))))

Lisa, Dont let other people get you down (like your friend). I think we have all had people that said forget it, dump him....Just politely tell your friend you dont want to talk about your M or the A right now...you went out with her to get your mind off of that stuff for a few hours...

Other people, family and friends...that dont support what you are doing, tell them to quit talking about it...They dont know about MB and that your M does have a good chance to be R...You have children, to me that alone makes this M worth saving.

This is YOUR life, not theirs.....They have no idea what they would do in the same sitch....

The people who are telling you that are really trying to help you, they just don't know how. They mean well. You are going to have to get stronger in your convictions of MB to be able to hold them off. I don't think you are there yet, so do what Still says and just tell them that you don't want to talk to them about it.

Your friend talks to your WH? I would probably avoid talking to her about MB or your plans with WH. Can she be trusted not to tell him? If you aren't sure, I would just keep things like that to yourself. Especially all of the Plan B plans. You don't want WH to find out about your Plan B until the day you execute it. It has to be like a shock and awe.

Now the reason that your WH isn't calling or texting you as much now is a GOOD thing. You see, before you were playing into his hands and he could justify what he was doing because of your actions. Right now, you are doing things that are confusing him. Poor little wayturd mind can't get his head around it. So what he is doing is trying to figure out what is going on. He feels uncomfortable when you are so upbeat and happy(only from the outside, but right now, that's all that matters.) He doesn't want to feel uncomfortable, so he avoids you when he doesn't understand. Just keep it up. You must be doing an even better job than you think.

Now, could you trust your sister with MB? If so, why don't you tell her about this site and this forum and tell her to read your thread. I did that with a couple of my friends while I was in Plan A, so they could see what posters were telling me and support me in the ways that I needed. If I deviated from my plan or my thinking at all, they would get me back on track. I think your sister can be that for you. She just needs to know what you are trying to follow so she can help you better.

Just keep it up. You CAN do this. You are doing a GREAT job.

I had a tough day and my sister again got me though it!

I got up early and was obsessing about him!

I took my kids to my sisters and went to the DMV to take my motorcycle permit test! While there he texted me to say good luck I said thank you and that I was nervous! He told me i would be fine!

I passed and texted him that i passed he said congrats.

Then stayed for 2 hrs waiting for them to get me paperwork!
That was the hardest time for me I wanted to text him and all i did was fidget for those 2 hrs to keep me from contacting him.

I was strong enough not to text him most of the day! I only texted him when he texted me or one time because my daughter asked me if he was coming to see them so I asked. He said he could take them out to day or tomorrow but he would definitely pass by to see them today and tomorrow! I said ok

i went a got my sister and took her around since she is pregnant to but baby clothes and all kinds of chores!

He texted me asking me where everyone was at and I told him I was out doing errand that I would be back in 15

BTW my sister kept taking my phone away every time I wanted to text him!

I then went back to the house but he wasnt there I was very disappointed and then I received the text from him saying he left and that he would go by later.

I then spent the day with my sister and she talked to me and we went to stores and we did laundry! And she kept telling me to relax

She said to me you know this is going to end one way or another you can be calm and take care of yourself or you can be stressed out and get sick! Either way this will not be forever!

WH sent text asking if we were home because he was going to stop by at 4:45.... I said yes ......... Around 530 I was wondering if he was still coming

My sister told me to text him and tell him i had plans but I told her no Im not going to because I dont want it to seem like im trying to find out what he is doing!

I started cooking and my son asked me to throw a football around with him! I normally don't do this but what the heck.... We ended up having a blast and the game turned into a huge water fight even the dog got wet.

WH arrives during this exchange and is looking at us like we are crazy... He has a very weird expression on his face....

My son tell me to ask his dad about football....

I told him he needs you to teach him because I do not know how to throw the ball .....

He then said he is going inside and I stay in the back yard .... after about 10 minutes I look up and see him in the computer room window....

I yell up to him to bring down towels!
He sais in a minute....

The kids are shivering so I just run up to get the towels and change.... as I walk by the computer room I look in and he is like a deer in the headlights with his facebook login up! I continue on my was and change into a cover up and pull my hair back into a bun..... I look very relaxed and cute!

He tell me I would have taken that to you! I come into the comp room and say oh that's ok the kids were cold! He is now on craigs list looking at motorcycle helmets for sale!

I casually ask him how his day was and he sighs ans said it was very boring..... I said oh ok while he is texting in front of me i couldnt really see who but i wasnt going to ask of look at the phone... I walked out to help my son get ready I keep up a stream of happy chatter and go in and out of the room acting normal as if he isnt there on the comp when he should be with th kids!

I go downstairs and my son and daughter are upset because he wont comedown! I tell my son go tell your day to play a game ok..... He comes back and said he will later

He comes down and I am outside with my son because he is sad due to a friend moving away .... I am holding my son giving him love and kisses and we start talking about the water fight.....

I say to my WH do you remember when we had that huge water balloon fight that continued into the house and you were yelling while throwing balloons at us not to wet the tV? I laughed and he said yes..... The whole exchange he was holding our dog and avoiding eye contact...... He is still texting but I refuse to even acknowledge the fact.... Then he gets a call and is giving someone directions to our house..... I asked him who he gave our address to and he said a guy selling a helmet for my bike.....

I say ok and go to my car to get a case of juice which is heavy.... He is still on the phone while I struggle to get the juce and close the hatch..... He looks over and tells me to leave it open he will get it.... I say can you get the juive its very heavy and I can carry it.... He got off the porch and brings it in... I say thanks....

Guy gets there is showing him the helmet and he calls me over to ask what I think , do i like it, is it a good price....

I go over there and am as agreeable as peach pie... i even elaborate saying how nice it is and everything else.....

He buys it and then goes to wash his bike... I tell my son go help daddy..... Which then he does ....
He comes back in and starts playing video games with my son....

I tell him Im going to get my daughter and say that she told me that they were going to get ice cream he said oh yeah...

I go and come back and he is fiddling with the new helmet... I sit down and ask him all sorts of questions about what he is doing ect... He then get up and puts it all away.... I go to the porch with my sister and he tells the kids lets go... My middle daughter tell him she doesnt want anything... and I see he is upset that she wont go .... As he is getting ready to pull out I hug her and tell her just go for the ride he is trying very hard...
I know he saw me say something to her and then she jumped in the car....

Then he send my daughter to ask if anyone wants a sunday.... We tell them yes 3 more since my sister is here with hers but I decline ....

They get back and my son runs up to me and said here is yours! I was happy for about 5 seconds when WH said oh thats not for you!
I say oh thats ok I just thought you guys bought me one anyways.... My sister jumps in and sais but you dont want sweets remember!

I say oh yeah

He then said I got exactly what you asked for 7 Sundays!

I said ok i didnt want icecream! and keep talking to my sister

He stood quietly eating his icecream....

He then tells me that we were invited to a picnic tomorrow I tell him I do not know If i want to go but he can take the kids if he wants..... He then tells me we can all go....

I go back out side and he starts saying his goodbyes...

We stand awkwardly outside and he asks me if i went to the gym I said not today ... did you go yesterday and I say yes I have.... I say the lady weighed me and told me to slow down...
He said yes you have lost like 30 lbs keep up the good work!

I tell him I have a goal..
I tell him i don't know If I want to go tomorrow and he tells me well its not like they don't know! He asks me if i signed up for the motorcycle safety class and i said not yet he told me to hurry before they fill up!

He said ok by Ill see you tomorrow I say very cheerfully ok bye!

My sister goes to me I dont know how you can just act like nothing is wrong!

I tell her I have a plan and I refuse to give him any more ammunition! When I go into plan B he will know what he is loosing!

Your doing great! perfect Plan A!

I would actually go to the thing with him and the kids tomorrow though, that way he can see your change more Thats why I mention to ask him if he wants to do a family dinner tomorrow night. Don't be afraid to spend time with him if he asks, cause if you shoot him down every time then he will stop asking. You are in plan A not plan B, spend time together as much as possible just dont bring up any relationship talk. No LB'S

I'm glad that you have your sisters support, and we are here to help you out also. Keep on keepin' on! Sapph and I are really proud at how you are handling yourself.