Thanks guys!

I wanted to go tomorrow but didnt know if it was a good idea!

Plus since he gave such a non committal answer..... like there is no reason for you not to go!

I would still go and have the best time with your husband, even if he texts and answer his phone! Just ignore them, and put on your great Plan A face!

We are cheering for you!

Well got through the nite with my sisters help! I was paniky and obsessive......

I went to the gym.... all I could think about was that he didnt call or text me ....

So I came home took a shower and gave my sister the phone

He sent me a text at 1230 saying he was coming to do wash... I didnt answer cause I didnt have my phone so he texted my daughter....

He then sent me a message if I wanted him to bring me food and what I wanted.... I said yes and asked for a Cesar salad.

I got dressed up in a summer dress kind of causal with flip flops did my hair and make up put on body spray...

He didnt react any particular way but I know I look very cute and sexy.....

I told him I was takin my sister home and came back and he was doing his wash and then came up to watch tv

He brought a movie and put in in to watch! I sat there with him and the kids for a while and then since it looked like it was going to rain asked if he was still interested in going to the picnic...

He said yes but that he wanted to finish his laundry first
and that I can wait for him or go ahead to see if we get ahead of the rain.... We talked about how to get there and I said I would leave first.

I said ok ill go with the kids well meet up over there right?
He said yes... I think it irritated him that i asked that so i just said ok bye!

Half way there it started pouring rain and thundering and lightning... we turned back and came home

He is still here going to ask if he wants dinner?

This is sooo hard especially when I know there are no guarantees and im trying not to read into his actions!

I spoke to my sister and she told me that over the years the way I spoke down to him and the way we never were very affectionate bothered her....

I was surprised because when I think about it she is right I was such a shrew to him... I think he might have just reached his tipping point which lead to depression, which lead to the EA in which he found acceptance, admiration, conversation, all the things we were lacking

No. The affair is 100% his fault.

YOU might not have met his needs but he could have TOLD YOU he was unhappy.

This is true, lisa....

Well it stopped raining and he asked if we still wanted to go to the picnic... He assumed it was a yes and said we should take 2 cars in case so i can leave from there....

I said ok we went we got there and everyone was raving about how much weight I lost and how we were doing.....
It was sooo awkward at first... i told him this feels weird I think maybe I should go and he goes why just stay till the cake at least....

It took everything I had to not breakdown crying.... He was very detached and I kept sitting next to him getting very close and if he moved i moved over.... At one point he was very serious and I started looking at his face and making pretend I could see his eyes behind his eye glasses and he laughed said...like what are you looking at and I said your face...

he smiled and said why and I said cause i love the way your sunglasses look on your face its sexy! He got serious and i just laughed and said oh what no more smiles and he smiled but stepped back from me

He sat on the picnic bench and I sat next to him and just kept up the chatter ... at one point he went off with our dog to play and I followed and he was playing with the dog and I told him you know you said everyone know but I dont think so ... he said yes they do because my cousins mom mentioned something at the club on friday... I said oh I wonder who told her ... He said I dont know... I said nothing about him being out ....

Someone called him and he silenced the phone and he was texting....

I casually asked oh who called? He said no one and i was ok and walked away

We walked back to the picnic area as his grandfather asked us about our dog.

I watched him play catch with our son and sat next to him just getting some sun making small talk!

We then went to sing happy b-day and we just stood there together
you know small talk and i kept very close to him...

I took him a piece of cake and then our daughter asked us to shoot hoops..... so here i am in a dress and flip flops playing around the world with him... I start to flatter him about how good he is and asking him what i was doing wrong to show me

Then i go remember how much you loved to play I wonder why you stopped... he goes no reason.... I go to him remember when I used to watch you play and that neighborhood park.... He smiled and said I can remember something like that.... we were relaxed I kept telling my kids how good he is and keeping up the chatter and small talk about old times...

We then sat on a bench before we said our goodbyes... I asked are you coming back with us for dinner and he said no that he was leaving I said ok...

We walked back to the cars and he aid bye to the kids and said ill see you later...

He then made a gesture to me to go to the car because my son forgot his ball in the car.... I start looking at his face as if searching for something ... he goes what I said nothing im lookin at your face .. he smiled and said why I said cause I like it and then said bye and ran to my car!

He is driving behind me the whole time then call me to see if we want to go home and discuss the vacation... I said sure no problem

We sit on the porch discussing places we want to go like ocean city or the aquarium and I start saying oh my god remember hen we did this or went here we had so much fun! I kept bringing up trips and memories with our kids as well... he would say yes or no and just kept looking at amusement park prices....

We went inside because it was cold and he starts telling me how he feels I should pay for the vacation and was a little taken aback because when we separated we split the savings ... I didn't say anything right away... so we sat down at the table and he wouldn't look at me I said hey... and he was very short with me and was like what i can hear you ... i was so mad I got up and he was like what im listening but I just said oh nothing I gotta go to the bathroom....

I had to walk away because I was mad! I then came back and he was still talking about places we could go and i relaunched the memories attack! I asked him about ocean city after prom and he was rubbing his head like he had a headache I stopped and said are you ok and he said just thinking....

so i kept reliving memories and saying to him and my kids you remember what a great time or how funny that was and he said I remember the trips but not what we did or if we had fun.... It was like a knife in my heart.... I couldn't believe he couldn't remember the good times!

I let it roll off my back and was like oh it was so much fun and we did this and we drove that car ... after a while I just got up and was like i gotta go get my sister and he got up to leave .... I know he had plans because he went upstairs and changed his shirt... I said oh you must be cold ...

he said yes and i told him oh let me clean that spot you have something on your shirt.... We walked out together and he asked me where i was taking my sister and I told him as he got into the car i said to him listen ummm I think we should go 50/50 on the expenses ...

he goes well the income tax money you have was part mine and should be used.... I was very calm and said yes but when we separated you kept 3 other accounts ... he was like fine I know it was something he didn't like .... he said figure out how much we need and I will get money out plus my mom is willing to help out... I said great... I will see you later and goes bye and drives off... I did this with no LB, AO or DJ.... but I think it still bother him

He had asked me earlier today about why i was spending so much time with my sister since we had been estranged for 2 yrs... I told him because I am not willing to be that person anymore the only person I was hurting was me plus she is pregnant and I need her right now....

BTW I saw he keeps going into my facebook to look at my status and such!

YA!! My husband read your post and he was smiling through out the whole time I was reading it to him, although I already knew what happened since you told me this all on the phone, but I wanted him to read it!

We are so proud how well you are doing, wheels said "Man, if he doesn't change after the vacation, then he's a moron!" Anyway I think you are doing great, keep it up, then once your in plan B, he will know exactly what he'll be losing!

You're turning into a Plan A machine, Lisa...

This is sooo difficult I cried on the way home yesterday! Nighttime is the worst when you are alone with your thoughts

lisa123prpe,

I used to cry every time he left or I talked to him.........nighttime for me was also tough, I used to take gravol in the evening, helped me sleep........Just tried to stay busy doing little jobs that needed attending........
You are doing a great job, keep it up, work on yourself and pamper yourself whenever you get a chance.....
He is probably already thinking about his choice and whether he is making the right one......
Keep him thinking. Little touches and looks and gentle words.......makes him look at you differently.........He really loves you, he has just forgotten for the moment.....
The fog will lift eventually.......I think you go have the best vacation you can have, laugh, play.......and just enjoy the man you are married to.......however that happens.......
(((HUGS)))))

Lisa,

There are for every one of us things that are under our control and things that are not; things that we own and those that we do not. We become most frustrated when we confuse the two and attempt to change what is not ours and therefor not ours to change.

Whenever we are trying to climb high into the mountains, we seldom find a way to go upward continuously. What we encounter instead of a steady upward climb is a series of hills and valleys. We go up but a short ways and then we go down again. Then we go back up and then back down and repeat the process over and over. But what we sometimes fail to see is that before long even the valleys are actually higher than where we began. The trend is still upward and still bringing us closer to the summit.

What can prevent us from actually reaching the summit is a desire to remain on one of these lower peaks. While we can see a long way from some of these and while they help us to feel as if we are on the top of the world, if we fix our eyes on the summit we realize that we are still short of reaching our goal. So often we need to leave this high place and go down into a valley so that we can climb back up the other side in order to arrive at our desired destination.

Another thing about mountain climbing is that the higher the peak we are trying to reach, the fewer people there will be that are willing to go on with us as we ascend each lower peak and even fewer as we get higher, closer to our goal.

When we think of achieving the summit in one push from the base it seems as if it is insurmountable. Yet by making each short climb, resting before pushing upward again and taking advantage of the time to become accustomed to the thinner air the whole thing just becomes one short climb after another. The valleys become only brief punctuation on the journey to the summit.

Mark

I know but this is soo hard for me I keep trying to remind myself that at the end of the day plan a and plan B are for me to survive this ordeal! For me to make a better me!

I just see him and I start to ache all over all I want to say is I love you you jerk what is wrong with you!

I guess I am terrified still of letting go and its just hard to see him get in that car....

What if the fog never lifts and he convinces himself he doesnt love me? What if he really doesnt love me anymore?

I did send him a text this morning saying good morning and to have a good day at work....

we used to see eachother every morning and he used to kiss me and say have a good day before I started my shift .... I still see him almost every morning since he delivers to my job....

I see him and I get all happy and excited..... then reality sets in.....

Were you able to save your marriage? they say once they are out of the house its very hard to get them to come back.

You know what? I think you should text him EVERY morning! Saying things like

"Morning babe, have a great day at work, I love you."

"have a great day today, the kids and I will be thinking of you."

"Good morning sunshine! have a nice day."

"Morning! Hope your day brings you lots of smiles and love!"

Etc.

Keep it up your doing great

Lisa,

he gets uncomfortable because your plan A is hitting home! Good job keeping your temper. Just remember that you plan A until the vacation and prepare for plan B if he doesn't end the A and meet your requirements to come home.

And don't forget what I texted you earlier! Let him know that the phones (both his and yours) will be off most of the trip! Only to use for emergencies, other then that, this is a FAMILY vacation!

I dont know if he will agree to it? How should I say that to him?

I don't think you can "demand" he do this but you can tell him you are planning on keeping your cell off most of the time so you can enjoy every special moment of this family vacation. Remember in plan A you should expect contact even though you don't want it. That is why it is good to have your plan b ready when you return from vacation. If you get mad or make demands it will spoil the plan A moments.

hmm...good question, or you can steal it from him during the trip and if he can't find it say "its ok babe we'll get you another one when we get home. Just use mine if you need to call your family."

Lisa --

I really admire how well you've done the last few days.

But I am a little concerned about a couple of things.

First of all, its GREAT that you have eliminated the lovebusters (especially the angry outbursts...) but what are you doing about his EMOTIONAL NEEDS? What do you think his top 5 are? And what actions are you taking to meet those top 5?

Second, I don't mean any disrespect to Sapphire, but I'm uncomfortable with all the "off-board" stuff. I think her heart is in the right place, but I'm personally not comfortable with her knowledge of MB plans -- to be giving advice off the board where no one can offer alternative thoughts.