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Things are pretty quiet today.....no drama for now. Today was the last contracted day for all teachers...I have to do 5 more days as I am a lead content teacher. I resigned this position this year because it is too much work with four kids. It turned out that it was a good decision considering everything that has happened.

I've been thinking today that I'm wondering why WH is not asking me to meet him half-way to lake. This just makes me think he is staying here somewhere. I'm going to get my brother to tell him that he gets children for month of July and when does he want to make the exchange. We'll see how he responds. I'm predicting that he won't take them.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I think that you should say the he gets them from x date until x date and that they will be picked up at x time and dropped off at x time. Don't negotiate. You don't negotiate with a terrorist. grin


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Well, if I do that, what if he says that he can't? Do I then try to determine why?


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I am pretty sure that when there is an arrangement for visitation, the not custodial parent gets the kids for at least 2 weeks in a row. They have to figure out day care, etc. I am not sure what it is for where you live. I am sure Princessmeggy would know. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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I've been trying to do a reverse look-up on h's new cell phone, but it shows it as unlisted.....but shows a map with pointer. The pointer is very much in OW's location. I don't know how accurate those are or what.

I've paid for these services, but I can't find anything...any suggestions?


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Aug 2006
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My suggestion is that you stop trying to read or analyze him or anything about him or what he's doing. You are in Plan B and that's the whole point of Plan B.

Hope, you need to find some other things to keep you busy and I don't say that lightly or think it's easy...however I do know it's in your best interest.

It's time to stop snooping on him now. The full effects of PB can't start working on you until you do this.


(((hugs)))


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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Originally Posted by Scotland
I think that you should say the he gets them from x date until x date and that they will be picked up at x time and dropped off at x time. Don't negotiate. You don't negotiate with a terrorist. grin

This is what I did for my WH, I actually put it in writing..he bitched and moaned, but he did it.....


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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It's hard for me not to focus on him/us. Sometimes I still can't believevit has happened. Now, I'm expected to just sit and let the pieces fall where they may. I have first counseling session with pastor today. I don't know why since everything is over, but I'm going anyway.

Tomorrow is 20 year anniversary..... It's going to be difficult for me.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Then do something special for yourself!

Its still your anniversery!

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I agree with Lexxxy.
Don't try and pretend tomorrow is just another day.

Do something to mark the day.
Light candles?
Say prayers?
Have a picnic?

Something.

It's OK to cry and grieve.


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(((((HopeE)))))

Of course right now, you are going to focused on you and your WH. Your anniversary marks the beginning of the two of you becoming one. All of those feelings and thoughts you are having right now are NORMAL. It's not OVER. Not YET. You are in PLan B mostly to stay out of the drama of affairland. Even the snooping will cause LB withdrawals. I understand what you are feeling. I can tell you that it truly will get better. You WILL feel better. Just let your Plan B soak into your life. It will do it's magic soon enough. Tomorrow is going to be a bad day for you. Get the support you need to get through it.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Awww, hope, tomorrow is going to be a tough day for you, no doubt. To say I feel for you doesn't even begin to explain. My heart sincerely goes out to you, my friend.

Is there someone that might be able to spend the day with you? Maybe a friend/family member who can do something with you to keep you busy and help keep your thoughts...in check? You really need to do something for YOURSELF, hope, something that will make you smile and make you feel at least somewhat "normal." I know it won't be the easiest thing to do (let's face it, it is your anniversary and your partner won't be there to celebrate it with you) but you still have control over making it "the best that it can be." You can do this, hope, you CAN have a great day. Heck, you have already proven your strength and courage time-and-time again, this is just another hurdle that you need to (and will) jump right on over.

Keep your chin up, hope, our thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Linked Image from i163.photobucket.com]

Last edited by TandC; 06/08/10 12:12 PM. Reason: ETA: Hugs :-)

Married DH May 5, 1990
DH45 - ME43 - DD18 - DD15

Thanx to MB my M is now back on track and better than ever. MB ROCKS!!!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

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HopeE

I wanted to point something out.

If he is supposed to have visitation for the month of July, then GIVE HIM THE KIDS FOR JULY.

Isn't he a parent TOO?

Did he LEAVE, and GIVE UP your backstop to WHATEVER he wants to do?

Yes, he DID. DO NOT RELIEVE him of this DUTY.

So, when he was out with your children, and OW was giving him trouble because he was WITH HIS CHILDREN, instead of with HER:
Quote
They also said he was talking to a woman last night while they were at Sonic, and he said, "Don't get mad because I have to put you on hold while I order."


You should MAKE it plain that this is the agreed to plan, (He gets them for July...) and its HIS problem.

Nice and easy. And if he returns them earlier, or says he has to work, and he will come around and get them tommorrow, etc, etc....

You DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.

Your DOING WELL. Make sure you direct EVERYTHING thru the IM.

It SUCKS to be him. But YOU have a plan. He was OW. Big Difference.

LG

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Thanks for the support,

I have to work tomorrow, so that will help. I may see if my mom wants to come with me and get a pedicure in the afternoon after work. I will have my parent available to check on me.

Scotland,
I will stop snooping, but sometimes I have a drive to know whether he has ended the A. Either way though, it doesn't give him back to me. I am doing a good plan B though, no contact!!!! I can see how it benefits me and I'm trying to move forward. I still haven't had him to come get the rest of his things...I think I'm hanging on to them thinking it will seem so final if everything is gone. I know I need to get it all out....at lease to the garage.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
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Oh HopeE, I know how you feel. There are times that I hear a car and I wonder if it is going to be WH coming home. Or times when I open my email wondering if there will be an email from my IMs telling me that the A is over and WH wants to come home. It may never happen though. It may happen too late. I need to get a better life for myself. If it is one without him? Well, that will be HIS loss.

I remember when I first went into Plan B, people would tell me, "You are walking a path creating a better life. It will be up to WH to follow you. You'll be so far ahead, he will have to catch up." SO TRUE. I am walking ahead. I am making great strides. I have changed in ways that I am AMAZED by. I am NOT the person I was 6 months ago. That is all thanx to MB and Plan B. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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I know things have improved for me and summer will be a chance to grow more spiritually and love on my kids. I'm not sure of what trips I'll be taking...I'm somewhat of a homebody. I'm also just hanging out, but I want to start working on my house and making improvements in hopes of selling it one day.

Tomorrow will be hard, but I'll make it.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
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I made some home improvements too. THings that I have asked my WH to do in the past. I now am tackling things and it feels GREAT. I have a sense of PRIDE that I am doing it on my own. Sometimes, I think that if I finish all of the things on my list and WH comes back, I may not want him to come home. That scares me too. Thinking that there could come a point when I really won't want him home. I am not there yet. So, I continue on my Path. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
I know things have improved for me and summer will be a chance to grow more spiritually and love on my kids. I'm not sure of what trips I'll be taking...I'm somewhat of a homebody. I'm also just hanging out, but I want to start working on my house and making improvements in hopes of selling it one day.

Tomorrow will be hard, but I'll make it.

You sound calmer and calmer every day. Do you think you are feeling better?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Yes, I'm feeling better.....counseling with Pastor today....I only cried once. I told him mostly all that I have been doing and he was totally supportive. I have also had thoughts about not wanting him to move back, but I know that is not what I really want.

This sounds silly, but my husband pretty much hogged the closet and gave me about this 1-inch space. My parents would always talk about this and how it bothered them that he didn't share the closet with me. Now that his things are gone....it's very nice to have that space. Is that not rediculous for me to feel that way. I actually thing about his coming back and taking the closet back...LOL. It's not very realistic because of course I want him to return.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
Is that not rediculous for me to feel that way. I actually thing about his coming back and taking the closet back...LOL. It's not very realistic because of course I want him to return.

WEll, if he comes back, he will have to live with much LESS closet space! The thing is that you don't want him back as he is. He would run you into the ground soon enough.

But if he changes.... that is a different story! smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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