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Also, I am very curious to see how long, that those of you who have went the ad's route were on meds. I've been on mine since Jan. 18th. I know it's personal and I totally understand if no one shares. It would be interesting to see what you were on and how it worked for you.
It might also help someone who is reading that struggles with the idea of meds....but is caught in a storm of depression and feels hopeless.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
Working hard on recovery!
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I'm in such a weird place right now.
My Sis's husband called yeasterday. My sis and him have decided to take a break away from eachother. He says she has lost weight and is not doing too good. He believes that she is seeking counseling. After our 30- 40min convo I talked with my husband about it and am now feeling terribly guilty for entertaining this phone call....again. For my sis to heal I cannot speak with him anymore. I should have told him this.
The way I see it is, I have a couple different choices. 1. Call my sis and let her know her h called me to, it seems...give me a heads up on the situation.
2. Wait until next time I talk with my sis and bring it up then.
I'm so confused. I am aware that I need to let her h know we should not speak anymore. My h thinks that it would be ok to do it nc letter style.
There are these weird facets to my story....I really just want to shut everything out and focus on my relationship. It's difficult because I am responsible for a lot of my own sis's pain.
Please give me your thoughts. I'm sorry to be a pain in the a** but I could really use some input on the latest. Thanks all!
Last edited by Carka; 06/03/10 11:11 AM.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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How does one go about changing the title of a thread?
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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I would call your sis, see how she is doin and let her know about her husband....You are not responsible for her pain, but she is your sister...Tell her you plan on doing NC with her husband from now on....
I think to change the name of your thread, you go into your first post and edit the title there...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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I would call your sis, see how she is doin and let her know about her husband....You are not responsible for her pain, but she is your sister...Tell her you plan on doing NC with her husband from now on....
I think to change the name of your thread, you go into your first post and edit the title there... That is what I've been chewing on. I was thinking of writing my sis a letter. Letters are good for me right now because of the anxiety I have surrounding my words. When I right it down, I think it comes out better. Then instead of obsessing over all the things I've said and if it came out right I can just refer back to what I've written.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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I think that is a great idea.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Her h told me that they had been having problems beforehand, so me telling sis has kind of put another straw on the camels back. I wonder if he wants to keep me posted as if to say "look how bad things are now, thanks alot" I mean he didn't say that and he does seem to understand why I told. But I'm starting feel like I could have possibly added another nail to the to the coffin of their relationship. I truely hope this is not the case.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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You did the right thing, no matter what.....You were 18 and they were not married....If this was the last nail in the coffin well there was a lot of other nails then, okay? It will be tough for a while, everything needs to work through....No matter what you needed to tell....
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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I mean he could have been a man himself an told her, but he didnt.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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I mean he could have been a man himself an told her, but he didnt. You're right.
Last edited by Carka; 06/03/10 01:05 PM.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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I think you did completely right by telling your sister - she definitely had the right to know. And it seems like they both understand WHY you said something, and there were other problems there to begin with.
I think a letter to your sis is a great idea. Leave her the option of calling you to talk, though, if she wants to. Let her know that you plan on establishing NC with her husband.
How is the situation with your WH and OWSIL?
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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How is the situation with your WH and OWSIL? Still no contact. Last we heard from her is when she sent those texts. I have decided to not see my bro and nephew for awhile. It hurts, but it feels like the right thing to do.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
Working hard on recovery!
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How is the situation with your WH and OWSIL? Still no contact. Last we heard from her is when she sent those texts. I have decided to not see my bro and nephew for awhile. It hurts, but it feels like the right thing to do. It's hard to write that. I'm still scared of looking like a fool.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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Sometimes I can't *not* look at pics of owsil. Sometimes it's facebook pics (we are not friends but I can still view her photos) I do have photos of her on our computer, along with other family members.
And now I feel like s**t. I should probobly go and delete all the photos there are of her in our albums.
It's almost like I want to keep reminding myself. It's weird and hard to explain. I'm anxious now, crap!
Please tell me I'm not the only one does this.
I looked at a pic of her and said (out loud) "I want to punch your face" I'm not really a threat to her but sometimes it feels good to cuss her out when on my own.
I guess the anger is there still, huh.
I'm sorry if I seem weird. This is embarrassing.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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ugh. 
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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Nobody has replied soooo.....
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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Sorry to be a pain in the a** but I'm curious as how in the hek to let that part of it go. The morbid curiousity (for lack of a better description) part of it. I just can't believe my h was attracted to her physically. I mean she's not hideous or anything....It's just hard to fathom.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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Carka, what you are feeling is completely normal....the anger, the curiousity...it fades over time...but for right now I think the best thing you can do is not get consumed by it....try not to give in to your curiousity so much right now...try to stay busy doing other things that you like to keep your mind off of it.....
Just know that you are not alone in feeling this way....
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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journaling helped me a lot, maybe try writing down everything...it sounds so simple but it really helped me...give it a try..
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Still- Thanks! I journaled for a little while and kind of stopped. I do need to pick it up again.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
Working hard on recovery!
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