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I was just talking to my brother(intermediary) and asking him to contact ws about getting children in July. While I was talking to him...DS11 interupted me and said that his father said, "Your mother is being so imature by not speaking with me. I'm no longer going to speak to Uncle XXX or answer his texts....this is so rediculous."

So now I'm imature....he just doesn't get the pain he has caused me.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
"Your mother is being so imature by not speaking with me. I'm no longer going to speak to Uncle XXX or answer his texts....this is so rediculous."

Then I guess he gets NO messages through to you. He doesn't get to CHOOSE how or who. If he tries to circumvent your brother, I would tell your kids [or whomever relays his messages] that if he wants to get something relayed to you, he must go through Uncle J or it doesn't get through!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Today marks 20 years.....of course he says that he curses this day. Pray for a great day. Thanks for everyone's support.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I am praying for you to have strength to get through today. I pray for that for myself EVERY morning. Every night, I give thanx for the strength I had to keep DARK.

hug

I KNOW this is going to be a tough day. Not a BAD day, just a tough day. You'll get through.

Do you have anything planned to mark today?


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
Today marks 20 years.....of course he says that he curses this day. Pray for a great day. Thanks for everyone's support.

sheesh.. May this anniversary be BLESSED in the future.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
I was just talking to my brother(intermediary) and asking him to contact ws about getting children in July. While I was talking to him...DS11 interupted me and said that his father said, "Your mother is being so imature by not speaking with me. I'm no longer going to speak to Uncle XXX or answer his texts....this is so rediculous."

So now I'm imature....he just doesn't get the pain he has caused me.

Yeah, it's so immature to feel hurt when someone abuses you, right?

You are doing great, Hope!


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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(((((Hope)))))


BW (me - 45)
WH - 45
2 DDs
Married 20 years, together 25
DDay Spring 2009
WH moves out Summer 2009 and in with OW
Plan A - 4 months
Very dark Plan B Fall 2009
WH files D Summer 2010
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Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by hope_eternal
I was just talking to my brother(intermediary) and asking him to contact ws about getting children in July. While I was talking to him...DS11 interupted me and said that his father said, "Your mother is being so imature by not speaking with me. I'm no longer going to speak to Uncle XXX or answer his texts....this is so rediculous."

So now I'm imature....he just doesn't get the pain he has caused me.



Yeah, it's so immature to feel hurt when someone abuses you, right?

You are doing great, Hope!


And I guess that would mean that maturity is when you cheat and leave your family think....Oh sorry, just thinking out loud. sigh





BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Today has not been too bad....lots of work to do and it kept my mind off things. DD, mom and myself are going shopping tonight....maybe I'll by myself some flowers to celebrate this day.

Thanks for the encouragement everyone; I so look forward to coming here on this site to vent with people who totally understand my situation.

Summer schools starts tomorrow and my H's school will be in attendance at my school with some teachers from there. I've already met one and it just gave me another opportunity to share the love. When I introduced myself, you should have seen her face. I would love to know about the lies that he has spread to everyone.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 738
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{{{{{{HopeE}}}}}}

You are being so incredibly strong, staying dark and getting through it. It doesn't matter what lies have been told - you know you are NOT being immature by Plan B'ing, but actually more mature than they could ever know. You are protecting yourself, your children, and even WH by not allowing him to hurt you and destroy your love anymore. You're doing awesome!


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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My brother just heard back from crappy WS. He cannot safely keep 4 children in a 180 square foot camper for more than a few days every other weekend....he's been forced to live here and these are the situations.

I'm so sick of all this and I've only been in plan B for a few weeks. Melody said he probably can't be away from OW for more than that amount of time. I just know that in the past, he would take all 4 kids to lake for a week at least...not he can't be with them more than 3 days...a weekend basically. This hurts worse than my own rejection. I hate that he doesn't even want to be around his own children. He is ruining their lives!!!!

He wants to be single, no children, and have a shiny new woman. I hope he gets everything coming to him. They will remember that this woman was more important to him than they will ever be. I might as well have full custody of them. I'd rather they just not see him. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Jun 2008
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You are keeping notes on this, right, his not wanting them, etc etc?


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Yes, I'm writing down everything....even the fact that he doesn't call them or try to speak with them. Now, he doesn't even want the time given to him...it's disgusting. I can't believe this is the man that I married.

He lied to me about so much just to get me as his wife and then once he had me, he could turn into this monster. I can't believe I was so stupid.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
He wants to be single, no children, and have a shiny new woman. I hope he gets everything coming to him. They will remember that this woman was more important to him than they will ever be.

Hope, this is a great opportunity to interfere with his affair. grin


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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It can't interfere if he won't take them. I can't make him take his children. IM is going to repeat same phrase, but there are no guarantees of his being with his own children.

He's probably doing this as a form of retaliation, but in all reality I want them to be with me. I just hate it for them and I worry about their feelings all the time. I'm sure DS7 doesn't know what to think....he gets so excited to hear when daddy is coming. I hurt for him and wonder what's going on in his little mind.

Last edited by hope_eternal; 06/09/10 11:15 PM.

BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
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I have training today right down from OW's house. It makes me sick to even drive down that road....bad memories. I'll be glad when work is done....just 3 more days.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 256
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(((((Hope)))))



BW (me - 45)
WH - 45
2 DDs
Married 20 years, together 25
DDay Spring 2009
WH moves out Summer 2009 and in with OW
Plan A - 4 months
Very dark Plan B Fall 2009
WH files D Summer 2010
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Oh and one more thing: If WH doesn't want the kids, I would not try to force it on him. While I know that might interfere with the A, it will make the kids a pawn.

Above anything else, you want your children to know that YOU want them, YOU love them, and YOU will ALWAYS be there for them.


BW (me - 45)
WH - 45
2 DDs
Married 20 years, together 25
DDay Spring 2009
WH moves out Summer 2009 and in with OW
Plan A - 4 months
Very dark Plan B Fall 2009
WH files D Summer 2010
Joined: Apr 2010
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Quote
He lied to me about so much just to get me as his wife and then once he had me, he could turn into this monster. I can't believe I was so stupid.
Sorry, I just had to interject here.

Hope, you were NOT (and are NOT) stupid so don't you dare ever think that you were/are. You are a beautiful, brave, kind, good-as-gold woman that anyone would be fortunate to have in their lives (and just because your WH can't see it, it doesn't mean it isn't so).

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER blame yourself for your WH wrong-doings.

Wow, everyone should be so blessed to have someone like you to come home to and, one of these days, your WH is going to see that he did and he lost it all on account of his "OWN" stupidity.

Hear that, Hope? His "OWN" stupidity!!!

You may have both made mistakes in your marriage but his "mistake" is the one that led you to where you are today. Don't you be taking ANY blame for that.

(((hugs)))


Married DH May 5, 1990
DH45 - ME43 - DD18 - DD15

Thanx to MB my M is now back on track and better than ever. MB ROCKS!!!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

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JM&M:

You stated this:

Quote
Oh and one more thing: If WH doesn't want the kids, I would not try to force it on him. While I know that might interfere with the A, it will make the kids a pawn


She shouldn't "force" but she should "advise" that it is his weekend. If he doesn't show up, document it. It will make a difference later. And, WHY shouldn't HopeE get a break for a weekend as well?

As HopeE notes, he wants the happy single life. To have that, he has to deny that his children exist? I don't think so.

HE MADE THEM PAWNS. By his actions. He moved out. He needs to pay his S/S and C/S and take his time with them. And if not, then agree to abandon them, and just pay what he is supposed to.

This isn't the guy you married, Just the guy he turned into. You don't want this guy back. It is going to be tough on your children. But you will be the oasis for the children. WH will be the BP Oil Plume.

LG


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