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Joined: Apr 2008
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hug Mulan.

And please consider allowing your DD to help take some of the load, even if its just a limited POA and the bank stuff.

pray


Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
Joined: Mar 2008
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Mulan? You OK?


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
Joined: Jun 2008
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Originally Posted By: barbiecat
Mulan? You OK?
x2


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
Joined: Apr 2008
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How are you? I really hope you reconsider my offer to let me help you take care of your final financials.

Just send me the paperwork and I'll deal with it. You can keep going with life as you know it. I'll list every single detailed that needs to be changed and set things up for you.


I really dont mind. I want to help you. I know things can't be changed, but this part is somewhat in your control.

If you feel sabatoged by his name coming up when you give your phone number at the store, I imagine you feel sabatoged every single time you get paperwork in the mail or have to write your attorney.

Lessen the sabatoge by handing over the paperwork. Let me deal with it. Why would you want to continue doing this to yourself, if you feel totally helpless to it now?

Joined: May 2004
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I think you should sell the damn house and be done with him once and for all. Get rid of everything, and start over, with no memories and no regrets.

I did it, and moved thousands of miles away. Heck I even got rid of all my clothes I had when I was with him. I sold what I could, and left the rest. (you know the song)

Mulan, that was the best and only thing I could have done to put it all behind me and start over.

Who cares if you take a loss on the house, your life is passing you by and that is worth more than any amount of equity, ANY AMOUNT.

Heck, you work from home, you could live anywhere. You could live in Key West, or in the mountains. You could make new friends and have a whole new life, a life filled with happiness and joy.

I am leaving shortly to go to a cottage I rented on the beach for my own daughter and her girlfriend and myself. I am so excited I can barely stand it.

You could be doing things like this, too, and he could be far in your past.

For heavens sake, Mulan, turn your stuff over to your daughter and start living again. And spend some time with her and those grand-babies.

You know, you are one of the people here I consider a friend and someone who I consider a really good person.

I know things are bad or your daughter wouldn't be here trying to talk to you on the internet instead of in person.

There are so many guys out there that would love to have a smart, caring woman for a friend to do things with and get out with.

You gotta stop isolating yourself. It's not so good to work from home when you are kind of basically alone. That's why I really think you need to get out of that house and start over. Not today, I know it is too soon, but you could start thinking about what you would like your future to be. Heck, you could get a cute little cottage somewhere really fabulous and start all over.

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This is for you, Mulan. Crank it, it's really nice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCY5oeLVgYw&feature=related

Joined: May 2006
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Originally Posted By: weaver
I think you should sell the damn house and be done with him once and for all. Get rid of everything, and start over, with no memories and no regrets.


You could have stopped here and said all that needed to be said. WOW!! hurray Well said.

I am free from the house, and to some extent, my WxH (except for child custody discussions and legalities) and feel better than I have in years! I feel calm and (mostly)sane and truly happy. I let the old marriage, my OLD dreams, my old wishes GO...and am making new dreams and goals. Takes some recovery to get there, though.

Mulan, I hope you are still reading here and gathering the courage to let go and move forward. It's scary, but oh so worth it.


Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
Joined: Oct 2007
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Weaver - genius!

The best thing I ever did was move 30 miles away into my own place. Oh, I took some of the furniture, but in a new place it doesn't seem like the same stuff. I picked it all out anyway, so he really didn't have much vested in it which made it mine. And the best part is - I get the WHOLE walk-in closet, BOTH bathroom sinks, and the toilet is MINE which means the seat is ALWAYS down.

Some people take longer to heal than others, but I do believe you are in a rut Mulan. Change up your life a little and concentrate on you. I've seen your picture on the photo thread and you are gorgeous, however you won't be attractive to anyone if you stay in this state of mind.

Cyndyk, you are one awesome daughter.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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I also moved and started over. I remember each and every step of the process - painting the old place, fixing stuff that had been broken for years, changing rooms here and there, then finally selling it. Yes, I have some of the old furniture but it really doesn't look the same in the new place. My former bed (the marital bed) is now in the spare room.

With each step accomplished, there was a teeny bit of burden lifted from my shoulders. As the house became more mine and less ours, I felt like I was building a barrier to protect me from ghosts of the past. When I moved away, I left them to the lady who bought the house. I hope they get along!

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Mulan???


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Any update on this?

Are you getting the help you need?


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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