Ummm..........

This would be completely unacceptable to me, for one very important reason.

Premeditated Murder in the first degree for an OM still caries a stiff sentence.

I would not be able to handle that situation. Can you not get out of it?

So she is going to be married to both of you at the same time, how nice.

Goblin, I'm sorry I never saw this response to me until today. I agree 100% about society's view on the disgusting practice of cheating. Now that you've been the victim, you'll probably see it everywhere. I can't even listen to some of the same songs because now I know what they're really about.

You won't be able to change people's views anymore than you can teach people to drive (although I still try everyday, lol).
And remember, the goal of exposure was to kill the affair and give your marriage a chance, not to make others "see the light" or anything like that. [I know you know all this]

But on the very bright side: YOU know the deal. You know everything you need to know about infidelity. You will take that knowledge into your next partnership. You can have open, honest, and educated discussions about it. You can guard against it and protect your new bride from it. You can have open dialogues about how she can protect you from it. See my point? In the end it only matters what YOU and your potential next mate understand.

That includes your STBX. She don't get it. He don't get it. They are both destined for disaster. But never you mind, Goblin gets it.

Did I mention that both my wife's AP's live on either side of me? And I kept the house and she moved out and they're still my sleazy neighbors? Having regular contact with the OM is no fun, my friend. I'm hoping I feel a lot better about the situation on June 18 after the first court date (things will be pretty much final in my mind at that point, 15 months of hell is about enough for me). But hey, I did nothing wrong. I have nothing to be ashamed about. And you didn't either, so go to work in the fall with head up; You know the deal, he doesn't.

opt

Yep we are firmly on the educated side of our less than pleasant situations. You have my respect and admiration Opt, for managing to live with those people next door.

I am determined not to let it get the better of me. There is no other option.

I am merely awaiting the papers arriving for the separation agreement to be formalised. I think I'm possibly even looking forwards to it, as it will be another hurdle vaulted, that I'm not waiting about for anymore.

I am having lots of fun. I have made so many new friends. I have enjoyed dating new people, experiencing new things. I have chosen not to be romantically involved with any of them, haven't quite clicked in that sense with anyone so far. I've found new musical friends to play guitar and sing with, something I did a lot before the STBXW was in my life. I'd forgotten how much fun it was.

I just have to maintain this in August when the OM is in my face so frequently again. I'm thinking the news that they are about to be engaged and "married" in Sept. is helping with this. It's just so ridiculously absurd I can't help but find it hilarious still.

he wont be laughing when it happens to him in a year or so. STBX has done nothing to change her conduct. Its not like he is going to be special. She will just move on to her next "soulmate" when things get rough.

How are they going to be married when you can't even get a legal divorce in two years?

WW has the brains, she moved.

"Did I mention that both my wife's AP's live on either side of me? And I kept the house and she moved out and they're still my sleazy neighbors"

Do you like to make your self sick?

Slap on a forsale sign and move.

Not that simple, Road. Just like Goblin can't up and throw his dreams away due to his assignment in August with the OM. I'm standing my ground. I'll move on my terms, not because of a couple of turds- they can move if they're not comfortable, and trust me they're not. I'll stay and make the best of a bad situation. I'll hold my head high, knowing I did nothing wrong. And I'll teach my kids you don't run from bullies or low-lifes with zero self-respect.

opt

Well said Opt. Especially the bit about setting an example for your kids. This idiom is essentially why I'm sticking where I am. I will not throw away the career I have worked at for 15yrs when I'm 2yrs away from the top rung. Especially for (as one of my close friends affectionately refers to them) the genital wart and herpetic ulcer. In fact I'm sure seeing the OM as a genital wart in my mind everytime we are forced to interact professionally will give me a great air of confidence, knowing that he is no better than the dirt on my shoe.

How ya coming along, Goblin?
Are you getting mentally and emotionally prepared to "hang out" with GW this fall?
have you managed to get most of this in the rearview mirror?

~~hope all is well.

opt

Hi Opt! How are you doing these days?

Well it's just 2 days now till it starts. It's thrown me so far backwards having to deal with it, and I do not know how I will cope. All I know is that I must cope. I am following my dreams, and have applied for a job in the Antarctic that I've always wanted, and had said goodbye to that dream when I met the STBXW. So I'm saying a big fat hello to it again and am very excited by the prospect of 2 years of amazing experiences which I'm sure I'll look back on fondly for the rest of my life. Just have to concentrate on getting the job now!

There is also the small bonus that it would take me so very far away from them, the situation and the area that I moved to for the STBXW. I think it would be hilarious if she hasn't got her [censored] in gear to have divorce papers issued in time, and she suddenly decides it is time but can't do it for 18 months because there is no post at the South Pole The GW remains true to name - I'm positive she's incurable, just like the STBXW. I have brighter things on the horizon, but am beating them off with a stick as I don't think it's fair to get into a relationship and then disappear for 2 years. I suppose if the right one really does come along she'll be willing to wait, but I would never expect that of anyone.

I've just had a lovely 3 days at my wee Scottish cottage, walking the beach, cycling in the forest and generally chilling out, and it has done my stress levels the world of good. Not looking forwards to the return to reality via 6hrs drive, but needs must.

Good to hear from you Goblin. Just stay positive and even though she broke you heart, it's helped me to lean on a statement that was said to me recently from someone who is about 30 years my senior and actually went through something similar when he was about my age. He says "she did you a favor!" --meaning the divorce. He says "what would you want to continue to spend time around a cheater for anyway?" (paraphrasing that part). It's hard to reconcile at times, but it's totally right. There are much better horizons out there, why stick around with a moldy sandwich when you're hanging out in a bakery!! (I got that from Mark, lol)

Hey, i hope you get that Antarctica thing!. You remind me a little of my buddy who is a doctor and early in his career he took the opportunity to go work on one of those Antarctic ships for a year or so. He's the adventure type anyway, but it was still an experience that continued to shape him in very positive ways. He wound up settling down in his late forties and now has a gorgeous young wife and beautiful little girl.

You have the whole world in front of you Goblin. WW's infidelity was a bump in the road, a pit stop. It'll all be in your rearview very soon; hang in there.

yeah, baby.
Wait till you see the women in Argentina (a common stopping area for trips to eventually go to Ushuia).

Take care Goblin!





~opt