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maritalbliss #2387622 06/09/10 03:16 PM
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Applebee's is out for us. It's not anything we've talked about, but FWH steers us away from it. It makes him sick to think about it. There's a little Italian eatery not too far from us that we need to reclaim, but I am just not driven enough to do it yet.

There was a place that i had been to once or twice before that they went to and i have no desire to ever go there, but i WILL NOT give up my favorite place, i just have "let it go" when it comes to there.....

Still_Crazy #2388691 06/11/10 12:47 PM
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Ok, some update...

Lots of progress. Lots of talking and working things out, lots of following and learning MB Principles and meeting eachothers needs.

OM tried to contact WW yesterday, she told me immediately, didnt answer his call, listened to the voicemail and told me that he said he would call today. He hasnt yet, but I got an address and know where he is and such (from OMW) so we are doing an NC Letter today. WW has been ...

Ok, I guess he just called just now while we were both sitting here in our room (I am home early). She said the area code, who's that? I googled it while still ringing, its Texas, and then we just listened to the message. Hes going to call back in 10 minutes.

At this point, I am going with ignoring his calls. I would like to answer and ask him what was unclear about staying away from my family, but I guess the idea I get from everything is to do NC. So IDK.

She will write her letter with me here, and I will send it and if that doesnt stop calls, than we will switch phone numbers, and at worst, switch to new ones... we discuss EP's and she is just as inventive as I am. Kinda neat. She said she would testify no problem if subpoena'd to thier divorce hearing, that she wouldnt teach her son to lie and they never should have done it in the first place.

I still check her phone, and still check the bill (to ensure she didnt answer, since it wont show up on the bill unless a connection was made). I still have the money under control, and my friends have still been staying here.

So far, everything seems good. We know we have lots of work to do, but we are moving in the right direction and we are doing it together.

Not sure i could ask for more.

I am so thankful for all of you and all of your help throughout this. I dont know where my life would be without the information and support found here. Shambles probably.

NOTE!! WW is now registered on the forums. She has said she is not ready to read my thread. I am not opposed to letting her see it at this time. She may post her own thread soon though. She is reading peoples stories and kinda feeling the air, then she will probably post.

I am telling you guys so that I can ask that you please dont tell me if you see her posts or figure out who she is, and dont tell her who I am.

We plan to share them at some point, but would like to that on our own.

Thanks again everyone.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2388710 06/11/10 01:13 PM
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It is fine that your WW would post on here. It is a GOOD idea to NOT read each other's threads. That is suggested here all of the time. If my WH ever comes here, I would WANT to know his screen name to make SURE I WOULDN'T read it. Same for him. I even told my Mom that if she came on here, I wouldn't want to read her thread and she shouldn't read mine.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
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Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
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Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
BTinTrouble #2388725 06/11/10 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
Ok, I guess he just called just now while we were both sitting here in our room (I am home early). She said the area code, who's that? I googled it while still ringing, its Texas, and then we just listened to the message. Hes going to call back in 10 minutes.

.

BT, first off, she should not be listening to ANY of his calls. They should be deleted. But this has to be prevented NOW or it will lead to a relapse. I would get her a new phone # TODAY and cancel the old one. In the meantime, take her phone and when the OM calls, you answer and tell him to never call again.

These calls and her listening to the voicemails WILL LEAD to a relapse, so I would shut that down NOW.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2388754 06/11/10 02:11 PM
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BT, first off, she should not be listening to ANY of his calls. They should be deleted. But this has to be prevented NOW or it will lead to a relapse. I would get her a new phone # TODAY and cancel the old one. In the meantime, take her phone and when the OM calls, you answer and tell him to never call again.

ITA. BT, if he has your cell phone number you need to change that as well. If there is any other way you can think of for him to contact WW, cut off that avenue, too. Home phone? Emails? Change them.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

maritalbliss #2388788 06/11/10 02:48 PM
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Ditto. You don't HOPE he sticks to NC - you ENSURE NC.


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H - 30 (BH)
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D-day: 2008
V_planifolia #2388807 06/11/10 03:14 PM
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ITA too BT, you should not let her answer or listen to his calls.

And that NC letter needs to be sent yesterday.......

Still_Crazy #2388904 06/11/10 06:46 PM
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K, so.. just read the replies...

Just came back from town, already changed her phone #, and she is writing NC straight out of Surviving An Affair now. I told her this morning about Chapter 5, and told her there is help on the forums. She read Chapter 5, and thought Kevins letter to Amy was exactly what she wants to say.

I did take her phone from her when I went and took a shower, and he called again while I was in the shower but I didnt know till after. Didnt leave any message, and she showed and deleted the other 2 messages today in front of me at the time he called.

So I can answer and tell him to F* off (in different terms maybe, but make the idea clear?)

Cool...

That takes care of her phone, I always have mine, and really, she probably knows his number by heart so if she wanted to she could call from any phone... but, its not stored in any of ours. In my phone I changed his name to "POSOM" so at some point she might know what that means but not yet.

As for contact in person, all the neighbors (2 of them at least are horrid busy-bodies, though its a good thing in this case) know to call the police if they see his truck or him around here. He has been told by me that if his coming around here and trespassing will not be tolerated in clear terms. That takes care of our residence.

WW is not allowed to check or open mail. Now, I cant stop her from going to pick it up if I am at work, so there is a hole there. I dont really know how to close that. I guess I could get a PO Box and have all mail delivered to our address put in the PO Box? Or, can I have the post office Return to Sender anything addressed from him? I guess I just dont know much.

The things I would worry about from Mail are him sending her a secret phone I cant track. But, I still VAR the car randomly and check for anything like that. Also, I do room searches and stuff.

I dont think there is a way I can stop her from making contact if she really wants to.

What I CAN guarentee is that she wont be able to keep it up for long before I inevitably find out.

She also knows if she does this again, I'm done. I did it once and am fixing myself, so is she, we are making an MB marriage 1 day at a time. Its not my fault she had an A, its hers, but I do know I participated in creating an A friendly enviroment.

After this, there wont be an A friendly enviroment. If she does it again anyway, I'm done. Just done.

I dont know that will stop a relapse.

Thanks for sticking around and continueing to help!


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2388908 06/11/10 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
That takes care of her phone, I always have mine, and really, she probably knows his number by heart so if she wanted to she could call from any phone...

I realise this, but without him calling, she won't be triggered. Anytime he calls triggers her and presents her with temptation.

And I hate to say this - I really do - but he will become more and more desperate to get through the more time passes because he won't be able to u-no-what.

Is your wife reading here, BT? If she is here, then your snooping techniques will be for naught. I would not bring her here yet. You may lose this forum as a resource if you do.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


BTinTrouble #2388911 06/11/10 07:04 PM
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BT good job, you got the number changed and i hope that letter is sent or at least ready to be sent.

I am glad that your wife seems to be stepping up to the plate. And just keep doing what you are doing to verify NC. Don't make yourself crazy about, i think you are doing the right things now, because like you said if she really wants to make contact she will.

And no one would blame you for being donen if it happened again, heck you have that right now should you choose, but i think you really want this to work and it sounds like you both are on the right track just keep it up......

MelodyLane #2388913 06/11/10 07:07 PM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
That takes care of her phone, I always have mine, and really, she probably knows his number by heart so if she wanted to she could call from any phone...

I realise this, but without him calling, she won't be triggered. Anytime he calls triggers her and presents her with temptation.

And I hate to say this - I really do - but he will become more and more desperate to get through the more time passes because he won't be able to u-no-what.

Is your wife reading here, BT? If she is here, then your snooping techniques will be for naught. I would not bring her here yet. You may lose this forum as a resource if you do.

Mel i do believe BT said they went and changed her number today after the calls.....

Still_Crazy #2388914 06/11/10 07:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
Mel i do believe BT said they went and changed her number today after the calls.....

Yes, I saw that.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


BTinTrouble #2388935 06/11/10 08:51 PM
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BT, hopefully by now you've changed your cell numbers so he can't contact either of you. You need to coldly, calculatedly make him DEAD to your lives. If he is able to contact you again you need to tell him that HELL IS COMING if he dares to interfere in your life again. HELL IS COMING, YOU POSOM. HELL IS COMING. SLOT IT IN ON YOUR FRANKLIN PLANNER.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

maritalbliss #2388949 06/11/10 09:23 PM
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Just came back from town, already changed her phone #, and she is writing NC straight out of Surviving An Affair now. I told her this morning about Chapter 5, and told her there is help on the forums. She read Chapter 5, and thought Kevins letter to Amy was exactly what she wants to say.

I did take her phone from her when I went and took a shower, and he called again while I was in the shower but I didnt know till after. Didnt leave any message, and she showed and deleted the other 2 messages today in front of me at the time he called.

So I can answer and tell him to F* off (in different terms maybe, but make the idea clear?)


If you already changed her cell # how did he call? Just curious.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

maritalbliss #2389031 06/12/10 06:05 AM
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Just came back from town, already changed her phone #, and she is writing NC straight out of Surviving An Affair now. I told her this morning about Chapter 5, and told her there is help on the forums. She read Chapter 5, and thought Kevins letter to Amy was exactly what she wants to say.

I did take her phone from her when I went and took a shower, and he called again while I was in the shower but I didnt know till after. Didnt leave any message, and she showed and deleted the other 2 messages today in front of me at the time he called.

So I can answer and tell him to F* off (in different terms maybe, but make the idea clear?)


If you already changed her cell # how did he call? Just curious.

mb,

They did not change her number until after the calls......

Still_Crazy #2389322 06/13/10 06:34 AM
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Hmmm.... he called one day. Again next day evening. Then we changed her number. Next day (yesterday AM) I sent her NC letter (basically ver batim from the SAA book, so seemed good to me).

Hope that catches you guys up...


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2389323 06/13/10 06:44 AM
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The NC letter has been sent hurray hurray !!!!

Things are progressing along BT, you are doing great.

Like i said just keep verifying NC (like you have been don't mke yourself crazy) and keep working on the MB stuff.

And make sure you get that 15 hours a week in, i know that will be harder for you two because of the little one, but it is very important.

How's the sleeping and eating going? Any better? Have you heard about the test results yet?

Just try to take care of yourself and keep up the good work.....

Still_Crazy #2389420 06/13/10 11:32 AM
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We are clean.
I am eating and sleeping much better.
I think SF was a huge weight but thats much better now. Jennifer told us both to not worry about our own needs and to focus on our spouses ENs and meeting them.

We are both doing a pretty good job I think. Next appointment with Jennifer is tomorrow so we will get another good lesson there I am sure.

WW is still reading MB stuff when she gets time. We are getting 15+ hours a no problem right now.


Lifelong recovery never ends.

BTinTrouble #2389429 06/13/10 12:17 PM
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Originally Posted by BTinTrouble
Hmmm.... he called one day. Again next day evening. Then we changed her number. Next day (yesterday AM) I sent her NC letter (basically ver batim from the SAA book, so seemed good to me).

Hope that catches you guys up...

Good job, BT!! Do you have the OMW's email address? If so, I would shoot her an email and let her know that her H is still pursuing your wife. She needs to know this information for several reasons: she may be getting a divorce and it would be valuable info for her case and if she is trying to save her marriage she would need to know.'

It is a good idea to keep each other informed.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2389602 06/13/10 06:27 PM
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Ok thanks Mel. In other news I dropped my phone in the tub while bathing my son. So new phone, had been planning to get a smartphone anyway soon, so now I am posting on MB from my phone and I have a new number.

K nother thing. WW is mad @ me cus she was trying to help me with this phone but I wasn't doing what she told me to do when she said it. She is being distant and doesn't want to talk about it.

Yay for fights


Lifelong recovery never ends.

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