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Last edited by Resonance; 06/15/10 09:21 PM.
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Last edited by Resonance; 06/15/10 09:21 PM.
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Last edited by Resonance; 06/15/10 09:20 PM.
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Last edited by Resonance; 06/15/10 09:20 PM.
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Last edited by Resonance; 06/15/10 09:20 PM.
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You had all the right words last time, but you never followed through with actions. I agree with this 100%. I also agree with you that I used admiration from the board to feel good about myself at a time when I shouldn't have felt good about ANYTHING. I agree that I "had all the right words" but didn't do the hard work. 98% of what you have said is absolute TRUTH, which I am finally ready to face to try to save my family. But I was not a fraud, nor am I a fraud now. Whatever you think my intentions were, it was not to "snow" people. I thought we WERE working the program "as best we could." Although I realize that definitely was NOT the case now, to me, being a FRAUD means you INTENTIONALLY decieve people, and I have never done that. You �knowingly� were not working the MB Program. You were pretending that you were working the MB Program. You were giving authoritative advice about the MB Program. You were receiving praise from others for your knowledge and experience of working the MB Program. You never made an attempt to be honest by correcting others about the fact that you had not actually worked the program. I�m sure that calling you a fraud doesn�t feel very flattering. But it is an accurate description. One of the key components in fraud is the speaker's knowledge of its falsity. If you want to hang on to your pride and feel as though you were not being a fraud�. Well that�s entirely up to you. But it will hinder your recovery.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Thank you chick...... Now, I just issued W2S a challenge, so now I'm gonna issue one for you...... I want a list of Nar-Anon meetings. Get one chosen and get to that meeting......ya got ONE week.....or I'm coming there and knocking your head....(who says I can't be tough??!!!......  ) Not
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Last edited by Resonance; 06/15/10 09:19 PM.
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Openness and honesty goes both ways. That's all I have to say about that... Openess and honesty does not apply when a marriage is not in recovery. When a spouse is in an abusive situation, as is your H with your drug addiction and wayward mentality, openness and honesty does not apply, lest the wayward spouse only use it to further inflict abuse. Nor should he be open and honest about his defensive measures unless and until you STOP being wayward. Just because you stopped smoking grass a few weeks ago does not mean you are recovered and certainly does not mean you aren't wayward. So, yes your H did seek help from the members on my board, and NO, you are not welcome to see the posts. And you know why, Lala.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Last edited by Resonance; 06/15/10 09:19 PM.
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Res, we are not going to say what you want to hear.
Maybe you are the one who should leave.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Stay off my thread, ML - you aren't welcome here. Sorry, but its not up to you!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You have a lot to make up to your husband. You have a lot of work to do. And you must completely recover from your addiction before you can even begin to give your husband what he needs.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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although I understand that about 3 months ago, he was certainly entitled to seek out help to battle my addiction and formulate a plan (apparently he was "planning an intervention"), the fact is- he has continued SINCE I quit smoking, and now refuses to let me read it, and continues to seek the advice. So, are you saying that you are cured, well on the road to recovery and he should just relax? In one breath you talk about how much crap you have put your family through and then the next thing I read is that you are ticked that W2S is getting help. You've got a long road ahead of you, and W2S does NOT trust you, should not trust you. You gotta earn that. Either you want to recover or not. Start there...then just do the work on your side of things. I think W2S would be a dang fool to give up a support network without seeing any real changes from you. He's doing what he has to do. You do what you got to do. Once you have SHOWN him that you HAVE changed, he may let his guard down.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Last edited by Resonance; 06/15/10 09:18 PM.
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What work is that that you plan to do? So far you have done nothing but get angry that your H hasn't been honest about getting help for what he has suffered at your hands.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Last edited by Resonance; 06/15/10 09:18 PM.
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Getting help from someone who considers me an "enemy" and has accused him of "stalking" her...feels more like conspiracy than a plan. Sure does feel like a conspiracy.. A conspiracy to deflect attention from the problem at hand. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Are you going to be open and honest with your H?
Will you be transparent with your H and not bother him about his needing help?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Right now, Res, YOU are an enemy to your own family. Freakin' !@#$$%%#@@!!! Focus on YOU.  I am divorced partly due to my WxH's decision to wallow in freakin self pity and down the booze like it was water, essentially avoiding all the problems at hand. It ticks me off to read you saying the same crap he said about his DESIRE to be with his family and save our M, and then turn around and twist that freakin knife when I tried to find a safe place to fall by going to Al-Anon. So which is it...you wanna get help, so that you can EVENTUALLY save your marriage or you wanna take any support that W2S would get to isolate him and keep up this sick dance? I am confused So, you just keep focusing on everything but yourself and see how far that gets you....we all have our breaking points.
Last edited by silentlucidity; 06/15/10 08:23 PM. Reason: to change some stuff
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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