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Houston.......we have a problem!!!!
OK, LaLa is angry with me because I sought out support and advice secretly to deal with her addiction. She believes it was a breach of openness and honesty. I say that I needed the freaking help after all this time!!!!!!!! She was well aware of how I felt when I began counseling, she just didn't care that it was killing ME!!!!!!
I'm at a total loss...the tension finally lifts and right back to it we go....yeah.
Want2Stay Want, I am really sorry about all this. She is misusing the "openness and honesty" concept to hamper your ability to get help from others. The PORH and POJA do not apply in situations like this especially since she is still as wayward as she can be. Since I knew she would badger you to see your thread on the private board, I temporarily removed your sign in so you couldn't show her even if you wanted. Since she is so upset that you are getting help there I just removed that point of contention altogether.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Houston.......we have a problem!!!!
OK, LaLa is angry with me because I sought out support and advice secretly to deal with her addiction. She believes it was a breach of openness and honesty. I say that I needed the freaking help after all this time!!!!!!!! She was well aware of how I felt when I began counseling, she just didn't care that it was killing ME!!!!!!
I'm at a total loss...the tension finally lifts and right back to it we go....yeah.
Want2Stay Want, I am really sorry about all this. She is misusing the "openness and honesty" concept to hamper your ability to get help from others. The PORH and POJA do not apply in situations like this especially since she is still as wayward as she can be. Since I knew she would badger you to see your thread on the private board, I temporarily removed your sign in so you couldn't show her even if you wanted. Since she is so upset that you are getting help there I just removed that point of contention altogether. I completely understand. want
BS-me 36 FWW-34 DS-7 & DS-3 PA - 7/06-8/06 EA - 6/06-1/07 D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06 Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07 My StoryMy Wife's Story --------------------- Healing one day at a time.....
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It does not surprise me that Res is attempting to deflect attention from the work she has ahead of her...not one bit.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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I don't even know what to say guys.....I let my guard down a FREAKING INCH AND LALA, THE PERSON THAT SWORE TO LOVE HONOR AND CHERISH ME TIL DEATH DO US PART, STABS ME IN THE FREAKING HEART AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!
I've had enough pain in the last 4 year to LAST ME 10 LIFETIMES!!!!!!! So much for love HUH???????
Want
BS-me 36 FWW-34 DS-7 & DS-3 PA - 7/06-8/06 EA - 6/06-1/07 D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06 Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07 My StoryMy Wife's Story --------------------- Healing one day at a time.....
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W2S--
If you feel you cannot carry the burden any longer, you can stop. It is your choice if you do not want to anymore.
Alternatively, you can try once more and give Lala another chance if you wish. Insist on transparency, and so on.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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I would take the time to get your personal recovery going. It's going to be tough being in the house with Res while she resists her own recovery. I feel for you....I remember the resistance I was up against, the remarks I got from the Z when he found out I was in Al-Anon, seeking support, cuz he didn't have a problem  It is nearly impossible to recover a healthy marriage right now, W2S. The alternative is to give up, or get help for yourself, and after some time has past, and some knowledge is gained, make decisions
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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I would take the time to get your personal recovery going. It's going to be tough being in the house with Res while she resists her own recovery. I feel for you....I remember the resistance I was up against, the remarks I got from the Z when he found out I was in Al-Anon, seeking support, cuz he didn't have a problem It is nearly impossible to recover a healthy marriage right now, W2S. The alternative is to give up, or get help for yourself, and after some time has past, and some knowledge is gained, make decisions SL, She deliberately cut me off from my support system. People that saved my sanity when I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown because she REFUSED TO HELP ME!!! Talk about cruel. I'm not sure what I want at this point...... Want
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I understand W2S. I'm so sorry. 
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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W2S - have you found a 12 step anon group? I googled "Nar Anon Online meetings" and got a grundle of choices.
You need a NAR ANON sponsor who will get you focused on YOUR issues. Lala has to deal with her issues and the minute you start getting recovery for yourself, there will be challenges. Expect them. Duck your head and keep working. Don't lovebust. Just leave the room until she calms down.
You've trained her that hissy fits work. You have to untrain her for the sake of your children.
No excuses. Find a Nar Anon meeting and a sponsor tonight! Start working your steps. Stop worrying about hers. She's no longer your problem - she is now her own problem.
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SL,
She deliberately cut me off from my support system. People that saved my sanity when I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown because she REFUSED TO HELP ME!!! Talk about cruel. I'm not sure what I want at this point...... I am so sorry to read what has happened W2S. This last part I am familiar with. It really is cruel. The only thing I was ever able to do was just go find another and be very quiet about it. There were not many available but there were friends to help me along the way. Better make a hard plan for yourself to keep your mind occupied and goal oriented. Again, I am sorry to see this happening to you.
BW-me-56
FWH-GreenMile-62
Married 1982
2 wonderful grown sons
D Day #1 4/1985
D Day #2 10/03/08
D Days continued for a while.
Started real recovery 07/15/10
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W2S
She has only cut off your support if you allow it.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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W2S
She has only cut off your support if you allow it. You're absolutely correct BK. Thanks for the support! You are a good friend. Want
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W2S
She has only cut off your support if you allow it. ABSOLUTELY!!!!! {{{{W2S}}}} You KNOW my feelings and love for BOTH of you runs deep. I dang near called at 2 am to knock some sense into ya.....BOTH. And while that isn't my "usual" MO (no matter what TMTS says about me.....  ), I was there last night...... Now, you best better not be ignoring my previous post to you.....I fully expect some answers......... {{{{{W2S}}}}}} Not
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I dang near called at 2 am to knock some sense into ya.....BOTH. Good thing I didn't have your phone number... I can talk longer than I can type. I tend to be LOUD, too.
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I dang near called at 2 am to knock some sense into ya.....BOTH. Good thing I didn't have your phone number... I can talk longer than I can type. I tend to be LOUD, too.  ...... Ya well, I tend to talk as well as I spell......
Last edited by not2fun; 06/16/10 12:29 PM.
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Mark & Not, Thanks for giving my a chuckle. I needed that today. I'm super slammed at work with a launch date tomorrow. This is a huge client and I need to get it right. Sorry, I melted down last night guys. I'm just so exhausted from dealing with this stuff.  Want
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sorry, I melted down last night guys. I'm just so exhausted from dealing with this stuff. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{WANT}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I am so very sorry you are going through this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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AND LALA, THE PERSON THAT SWORE TO LOVE HONOR AND CHERISH ME TIL DEATH DO US PART, STABS ME IN THE FREAKING HEART AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!
I've had enough pain in the last 4 year to LAST ME 10 LIFETIMES!!!!!!! So much for love HUH??????? W2S I am so sorry for your pain. 3 yrs ago I wished I was in your situation and had a repentant WW. Your position highlights the extreme danger with attempting a R. At this stage of the game I would strongly advise you to divorce. I am so disgusted with her!
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Thank heaven you are not him - that was not helpful to him personally or to his children.
Think before you post, please!
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