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I would send a letter certified so he HAS to sign it. Insist on ID. Then ask the OWH to contact you ASAP. Don't give all of the info in the letter so he WILL call you. That's all I have on this part. Thoughts vets? go all out nuclear right now. her bh comes second to ending the a and saving her m. she cant worry about owh primarily. he is a secondary consideration. prd
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And what is going to make OW not want to contact her WH anymore? Is the point of exposure not to put pressure on the affair? Where would the greatest pressure come from? OW's family(including HUSBAND), workplace and OW's friends are the BIGGEST targets on OW's side.
I was advising her on ways to ensure that OWH got the letter. I am trying to help her get what she wants. OWH should be one of the first people on the list. He could become a real ally in this fight against the affair.
JMHO
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Quamie, update any word on exposure...bump
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Update is that at this point I have not exposed as I am still trying to work on the OWH angel! I have everyone else but him... I am in a tight spot as he is not on any social networking, I dont want to send a letter I want to get it done, I have no phone number.
Me-32-FWW/Him-35-CWH
DD/PA-3/10
Expo-6/16/10
PC-7/16/10-9/25/10
Moved out 8/12/10
PLAN B-9/25/10 A light shade of Gray.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, " I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes" Eleanor Roosevelt
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did you try the online background pay for use services? A PI would be able to get the info fairly easy for you too.
(ME) BS - 33YO (HER) WW - 32YO Married 7 years DD5 D-Day - 5/1/10 (PA) Exposure 5/7/10 Plan A 5/7/10 - Plan B or Recovery on 7-1-10 Its in her court ATM My thread
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I forgot, do you have the OW name?
I hired a PI, all I had was the OP first & last name and city. The PI gave me about 15 pages of info filled with current address, phone number, driver license and car info, known family and associates and phone and address info for them. My PI charged me $60.00 and had it for me the next day.
Call a PI and ask for all the public info of the OW, and you need it yesterday.
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Update is that at this point I have not exposed as I am still trying to work on the OWH angel! I have everyone else but him... I am in a tight spot as he is not on any social networking, I dont want to send a letter I want to get it done, I have no phone number. precious time is going by. you made a noble effort to notify owh first, but i would go nuclear now with what you have. prd
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I know this woman and she knows me and my family and my children. Her husband works as a volunteer with my husband. We were set to leave on our trip in less then 24 hours, we went and spent the next 4 days talking and reconnecting. My husband stated he loved me and wanted to work through our issues. Our trip had been planned so that he could come back in time to attend a party that his co-workers had planned for him. Quamie, I am confused about why you can't contact OWH. You all know each other and you state he volunteer's with your husband. Where do they volunteer?
W (me) 44
H 43
Married 19 years
DS 17
DS 15
DD 13
DD 8
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Update is that at this point I have not exposed as I am still trying to work on the OWH angel! I have everyone else but him... I am in a tight spot as he is not on any social networking, I dont want to send a letter I want to get it done, I have no phone number. precious time is going by. you made a noble effort to notify owh first, but i would go nuclear now with what you have. prd I would talk to some Marriage Builders vets and make a plan for when and how to expose. Aim before you fire.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Quamie has already stated that she wants to find OWH FIRST and then EXPOSE. This is her PLAN. Coming up with ideas on how to expose to OWH.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Quamie, again did you try the the link I gave you to find info on the OWH.
Shoot give us his name and hers offline and I bet one of us can "get the scoop" on him for you.
Time is ticking by and you are pregnant. You don't need the stress of this additional wait. We can be a resource too.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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I have tried the sights and it gives me HER email as his and I already have that. OWH did volunteer with my WH but the season is over now and WH keeps his phone close and has changed the password so I cant get it that way.
I am currently on strict bed-rest due to preterm labor so my options are really limited on how much activity I can do which means I am in bed or on a couch MOST of my days.
Me-32-FWW/Him-35-CWH
DD/PA-3/10
Expo-6/16/10
PC-7/16/10-9/25/10
Moved out 8/12/10
PLAN B-9/25/10 A light shade of Gray.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, " I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes" Eleanor Roosevelt
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As for PI I can not do that right now due to my "money" is tied up due to my lack of working as I am on bed rest... I dont want WH to see the charges and ask what they are for before I can act.
Me-32-FWW/Him-35-CWH
DD/PA-3/10
Expo-6/16/10
PC-7/16/10-9/25/10
Moved out 8/12/10
PLAN B-9/25/10 A light shade of Gray.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, " I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes" Eleanor Roosevelt
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That sucks, Q. I was on bedrest with my son when my H was having an EA and it was a very, very stressful, hopeless time in my life. I am very sorry you are going through this during a time of your life that is supposed to be filled with joy and togetherness. If you ever want to talk...
BS: 37
FWH: 37
EA: 2 months, ending June 08
Married 7 years
4 kids (2 together)
Hoping for a Recovery
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Its very hard and the stress on me has landed me on bed rest. This is my 3rd child and the hardest preg yet. I am scared out of my mind of exposure but I dont know what else to do. For now he is not talking to her much that I can see on the phone bill but they work together and I know that in time it will just bloom again. I just want this limbo to STOP.
Me-32-FWW/Him-35-CWH
DD/PA-3/10
Expo-6/16/10
PC-7/16/10-9/25/10
Moved out 8/12/10
PLAN B-9/25/10 A light shade of Gray.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, " I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes" Eleanor Roosevelt
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 My H worked with the OW, too. Being on bedrest (due to the stress of what he was doing in the first place) obviously made it really hard to meet his needs, and it really sucked that he was allowing someone else to meet those needs (I am thankful I was able to find out and stop before she had a chance to meet the SF need) when there was not a whole lot I could do about it. It takes a pretty selfish man to do that to a pregnant wife. You have a long road ahead of you, and I wish you all the best once this gets out in the open, so you can recover.
BS: 37
FWH: 37
EA: 2 months, ending June 08
Married 7 years
4 kids (2 together)
Hoping for a Recovery
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Gdar did you ever expose?
Me-32-FWW/Him-35-CWH
DD/PA-3/10
Expo-6/16/10
PC-7/16/10-9/25/10
Moved out 8/12/10
PLAN B-9/25/10 A light shade of Gray.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, " I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes" Eleanor Roosevelt
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If it had been a PA, hell yes, I would have.
My friends/family know (his mom could care less, she would probably have been thrilled and hoped I would leave him), the OW knows I know. She left her H, so exposure there, I have no idea if he left because of it, because I believe she left him in the first place.
As far as a full MB exposure? No.
BS: 37
FWH: 37
EA: 2 months, ending June 08
Married 7 years
4 kids (2 together)
Hoping for a Recovery
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I called WH OW HR and supervisor anonymous and stated that my spouse was having an affair with a co-worker what was my course of action. The HR told me to call immediate supervisor which I did.
when I called him Supervisor and gave basic info not my name or WH name he gave me another number to call. No one answered I will call back.
Me-32-FWW/Him-35-CWH
DD/PA-3/10
Expo-6/16/10
PC-7/16/10-9/25/10
Moved out 8/12/10
PLAN B-9/25/10 A light shade of Gray.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, " I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes" Eleanor Roosevelt
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Its started! I called job! Off to Fb Im am SOOO scared!
Me-32-FWW/Him-35-CWH
DD/PA-3/10
Expo-6/16/10
PC-7/16/10-9/25/10
Moved out 8/12/10
PLAN B-9/25/10 A light shade of Gray.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, " I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes" Eleanor Roosevelt
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