Yes SoL that's exactly what's going on right now. Original plan is Plan A until he gets home, at least wait 2 or 4 weeks and then implement Plan B. I know I have to just outlast the affair and like my friend said let the affair run its course. I know that how right now for them it's like a first date that never ends - they put their best front forward, etc. I have read so much on this so I know how the wayward mind works. CoC is not involved right now. I was supposed to go to Jag but I was pregnant still and the last time I tried to go I ended up at the L&D the night before. I tried to register my kids for free childcare that's offered for families that have spuoses who are deployed (respite care) yesterday but turns out I have some more paperwork I need first.

Anyways just a little bit more developments due to my snooping. Turns out he called her first and talked for a good 30 mins before he called me at 5am in the morning. I see that I was the last 3 phone calls. My friend thinks it could be a goodbye call, while I am hopeful she is right I highly doubt it. He could now be using another calling card to call her.

I discovered I couldn't get into his email account, however I figured out another password for another account. Nothing at all in there but I did discover he is deleting the first account I could get into. Doesn't matter I still have his emails saved in my email account. Plus I can now get into this one. So if he register another calling card into the 2nd yahoo email address that I can get into, I can still find out. We will see.

I am just conflicted myself. Why was he so remorseful the last 3 phone calls? and yet before he called he did this to his emails. Maybe he's really angry I don't know! Maybe I need to stop focusing on what he's doing- stuff that i can't control and focus on what I"m doing.

I am getting another package ready to send, along with my Father's Day present for him. I wrapped (the boxers)
up and going to ask him to open it on fathers day.

I can't sleep so I am probably going to wait for him to call.

I am going to see what the Harley's recommend especially since my situation is a bit different.

still haven't heard from him. Not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing.

I looked at the records and saw that he has spent 2 hours on the phone with her once and then some more that day. And has talked to her every day that he was on profile.

I"m getting more and more depressed by the day.

((((((Smileygirl))))))

It's time to expose to his command. Also time to hunt down more info on OW and expose to any of her family/friends thqt you can find.

Does your MiL know about the affair? Expose to WH's family, too.

I have done all that exposure except for command. I'll see what Dr. Harley says on the subject. My kids and I are the ones who get punished when they take away his rank and his pay. Plus, there is no way anyone is going to monitor his phone calls. My marriage is not a priority to the military. I feel like his affair will be swept under the rug if I expose to CoC. But if dr. H thinks I should I will. Trying to set up an appt for this Friday and then will make an appt for Jag the following Monday.

having trouble sleeping the last 3 nights. Trying to remember I can only control what I do. Trying to think of more ways to Plan A him from long distance. I intend to be a good example for others who find themselves in my position. I feel like everything happens for a reason. I think I'm waiting to see if he shows up online or for a phone call. Idk. I think I need to write down my list of Why I want to save my marriage for those moments when I want to give up.

Finally heard froom him this afternoon while I was driving. I told him I was waiting for him to call, and he was like why. I needed soome bank information from him. I asked him why hasn't he called, and he said he just hasn't.

I asked if I had something to make him angry and he said no, he just hasn't called and that he hasn't beenn calling a lot anyways and I said well not me anyways. Ugh I know that was bad.

Anyways he sighed and said anyways he can't stay long this calling card was about to run out. I said ok well let me get off here so that you can call our DD for her birthday this weekend. I told him I'll just transfer the money now so you can call and waved me off saying no he'll just wait until we get paid.I was persisting it would mean a lot for my DD to hear from her Daddy.

He still was saying no when I asked if he has called the OW. He said I have great timing because the message just played that he has 20 seconds left...I was still talking and I said something like it's nice to know you could buy more minutes to talk to Ow but not to buy minutes to say happy birthday to our daughter?

Then the phone went dead.

I know that wasn't good.SIgh I'm sorry I hate knowing last time I checked he had enough minutes to talk for more than 4 minutes. I already made an appontment for next week to talk with the Harleys so wish me luck.

he doesnt have enough money for a cell and you are calling the harley's? i know im new to this site but Huh?

Paleridude,

Her WH is deployed overseas. That's why he is using a calling card.

ok. makes sense.

prd

Ty for clearing that up SoL.

Today's DD bday. Hope to hear from him

He called an hour after I posted, while I was on the road. He asked if he could talk to our DD. I am happy and relived that he called. Wish I could have talked to him longer but he said he's using his friend's calling card. I hope our next conversation will be longer...

Appt with Steve is tomorrow morning. I really hope he can help me figure out what to do here.

I have heard nothing but GREAT things about Steve. Sometimes us posters don't understand what is advised, because we would have advised differently, but we aren't the pros. I am glad you are getting some AWESOME help and I am sure you will join the ranks of the people who PRAISE the coaching center.

I had a great call with Steve this morning. He answered all of my questions.

Should I expose to his command?
Steve's answer- no, I already exposed enough and in this situation it would hurt me more.

Should I go into Plan B, now that I had another D-Day?
No, I haven't Plan A enough for Plan B to be effective, given the distance

Is it true that I can't expect us to recover until he gets back in a year?
No, he can do research

So he answered all of my questions and gave me direction: to have him agree that for him his ideal scenario would be to be truly in love with the mother of his children.

I'm thinkng when WH comes home for R&R we will have another session with Steve then. I am still believing that he will come home to ME and his KIds. We haven't really talked about it since March.

Good to hear your appt went well. It's good to have renewed direction isn't it?

What are you doing to meet his EN's? I know about the packages, but what else are you doing? I went back and re-read some of your previous posts about your phone conversations. Remember that you are in Plan A.

Didn't you used to keep notes of talking points by the phone to help keep you on the right track? Did that help and are you still doing that?

I did have notes BUT my Mil came to stay here for 2 weeks and didn't want to freak her out (didn't want to make things weird so we didnt talk about it). I'll put my notes back up - actually I think I will put up scriptures. It really did help.

I met his SF needs today over the phone. I plan on re-reading my copies of HNHN and LB before I send it to him, as SH has told me to do. And I have to remember no expectations.

I had an interesting conversation with him today. I got so upset when he asked me to bring him clothes to his Mom's when I go visit them next month - that means he is going there for R&r. I really hope he changes his mind.

He did say the way he feels right now when he does come back home for good next year he will leave it up to me if I want to work things out he will, or if I want to D he won't fight it.

Afer my initial reaction, I told him I'll respect what he wants and bring some clothes there for him and will have clothes here should he want to come home instead. I told him whatever it takes to make you happy and he said this does not make him happy. I think he's on the fence. I said if it will make him happy I'll do it and he said if I think this is making him happy he isn't, and that he does not want to hurt me anymore.

So this crushed my expectations on him coming home for R&R then again having expectations is not plan A.

I could ask for thoughts, and analyze what's going on, things he has said but I think what's best for me is to concentrate on other things for awhile. my meds have been working but not sure if I like the numbing feeling it I have been experiencing.

I haven't been watching basketball like I used to but the game is this Thursday - Game 7! Seems to have been an exciting series. And I want to get caught up on whathappened on UFC 115 last Saturday. I think I found a link to the video - this just gives me more things to talk to hiim about.

Thanks for reading NW.

It sounds like you got a good view on Plan A. Keep it up.

I think he is definatly fence sitting!! What can you do to disrupt the A? Didn't he say that if his parents found out the A was still active that they wouldn't talk to him? Telling them about the latest may throw a wrench in to his R&R plans.

How much do you know about the OW? Can you put pressure on her everytime there is contact? Is she is in another state?

Thanks for posting...

You may also be enabling the A by supporting him to be away from his family over R&R. I would not take anything of his to his parents.

Just thinking.

OK, practice these words..."Our M cannot survive a R with an OW." The next time you want to LB you say this...the next time you want to confront or say something because you are hurt, say this. He may sputter and deny. You can simply state the facts..."You were on the phone with her for hour today, our M cannot survive a R with an OW."

You can change it up and say, "Our M will not really be given a chance to recover until she is completely out of the picture."

Part of Plan A is a negotiation for the end of the A. You state you will not accept the OW in your M. He will remain on the fence as long as he is still in contact. You can tell him he cannot make a decision while he is still talking with her. Or you can just say, "While you are still in contact with OW you will not have a clear view of what our M could be like."

Great point. I agree with SHMI completely. What an excellent phrase to say.