You need to become a broken record. You will say, "I will do whatever it takes to save OUR marriage, would you like a cookie?" DO NOT ENGAGE. DO NOT LB. You have a DIRECT HIT. That is GREAT NEWS FOR YOU. If your husband starts to yell or become verbally abusive, you will tell him that you will talk to him when he is able to talk to you about this more calmly.

Don't forget to still look for OWH. Did you give any thought into sending a registered letter that needs a signature and ID? You can MAKE SURE that OWH gets it. What he does with the info, isn't your concern. You just need to BLOW THIS AFFAIR OUT OF THE WATER.

Remember, breath, relax, don't LB, don't engage and say, "I will do what I have to to save OUR marriage, would you like a chip?"

WH was texting me and I was responding as has been stated. With phrases I am not trying to hurt you or anyone else. I am trying to save our marriage and family, I am not trying to sabotage your job or career , I am not trying to push you away, I didn't do anything but tell the truth in an effort to save our marriage and family. And on and on until he stopped talking to me.

He has stated that he will be moving in with his mother and quitting his job. he cant live with a person who would do something like this to him.

I just ignored that last part and responded with something in the above paragraph.

As for the letter to OWH I am getting responses from the other notes I sent out, But nothing in regards to him directly.

Things are going well.

Quitting his job and moving in with his MOM?

I apologize. That was....strangely amusing.

he already has been told. predicted here.

prd

And you know this because you ARE OWH? You CAN'T know this for sure. Even if he HAS been told, he can be a useful ALLY to Quamie.

Quamie, you should still find OWH to ENSURE that he KNOWS. He could become a useful ally in your fight against this affair.


Maybe this one should be put in the craziest things....thread. This one is a GEM.

Quamie, you have done so WELL. Let him spew and spit. Think of him like a 2 year old throwing the biggest tantrum in the UNIVERSE.

Thank you SOOO much I don't know what I would do in this situation without y'alls support. Because I feel so confused and scared. Wondering if I did the right thing. But one thing is for sure no matter where the chips fall I know I did what I could.

Wh just text stating he is not coming home and will be getting a room. IDK what to say.

he will be crying in your lap within days.

prd

Q, please try and stay calm for your little bean, ok?

He did this to YOU, not the other way around. The AFFAIR jeapordizes his job, NOT YOU. His actions caused ALL OF THIS, NOT YOU. Keep repeating this to yourself over and over and over.

I went through similar b.s. with my H when the only thing he seemed to give a sh*t about saving was his career and his own a$$.

Hi there,
You have done the right thing and he is responding just like you want him to, he is now embarrassed by his own actions.....He doesn't want people to actually think he is the kind of guy who would have an affair while his wife was pregnant.....no one thinks that kind of man is worth anything....When he wakes up from all his anger in a couple of days he will realize he is the one that started this mess and that you are only trying to save your marriage and family......
Tell him when he is ready to give up the OW and truly commit to working on your marriage that you will be more than willing....
Tell him you love him and still think he is worth saving, tell him you understand that you are both to blame for the marriage breakdown but you are not in any way responsible for the affair, that is a choice he has made all on his own....
Don't contact him, let him come to you and he will when he has time to process all that has happened. Use the next few days to look after yourself and stay close to family and friends for support...
good luck and keep us posted.

Don't engage. Don't reply to that - it is a threat.

Bingo! Worried more about a reputation HE HAS CREATED for himself and not his pregnant wife. He can kiss his own behind - YOU did the right thing!

I just said ok he responded with I am so hurt right now.

but having an affair while your wife is pregnant (or any other time) is not hurtful? Gah. I want to beat him up!

don't worry about what he feels at this point, you want him to feel the brunt of his actions.....This wakes WS from the affair fog and makes that fantasy a not so great reality........Don't respond or contact him for now......

I could not find this going back through the thread - so they are BOTH exposed at their place of work, correct?

Your response:
And I'm prego with your baby on bed rest! What do you want for breakfast when you get home in the morning?

I don't know if this is the right way to respond...woe is him!!!

Quamie,

I don't post much, but I wanted to say "BRAVO!" on your exposure! Not only will it kill the affair, but it will do wonders for healing your marriage. I did not expose, and even though we are recovered, it haunts my husband to this day. If I had exposed, he wouldn't have to wonder if those around him truly love him for him.

The truth really does set us free! Way to go!

Yes they have both been exposed

Thank you Anointed because it feels so hard even after reading and looking through the boards. I KNEW this could happen but it is SO hurtful when it does.

NO concern for me as his preg wife as his wife for 8 years! Its all about HIM, his feelings, how I hurt him, how I have damaged his job, how he cant live with a person who would do this to him. It feels like a horrible NIGHTMARE! He feels like the alien you all speak of and has for MONTHS and more.

So just say nothing anymore? Ok I will ignore his texts.. That is not a LB. I am so confused and weary. This is STRESSFUL.. Thank you ALL for letting me vent and run here for support and advice.