NP, try journalling your feelings instead of expressing them directly to WH at this time. You are early in R? so any LB will make him shut down and want to run.

Unfortunately, you are competing with a fantasy. Until he recognizes his A as fantasy and sees the OMW for the piece of destruction she is, LB's will be double withdrawals from the love bank.

I'm sure SH will offer wise counsel when you speak to him. But at some point soon, your WH needs to turn toward you and begin to help you heal. Lack of empathy by the WS will drain the BS love bank real quick.

If it's within your power -- don't bring anything into your home that OW has touched (or breathed on). There is NOTHING that your (F?)WH needs to have that badly. Anything that's already there can be destroyed together. The triggers just aren't worth it.

I am sure that her WH is the exception to this rule right PM.

Sometimes I wonder, Scotty...... Oh well, I guess technically she's breathed her foulness all over my alien WH, not my loving husband......

I guess you'd be right on that one. And you are trying to get rid of WH so you can have your DH back. Just wanted to bust PMs chops. It's what I do. HEHEHEHEHEHE

Re: book. Ok, why didn't I think of that?!? I change my response - NO BOOK FOR WH! I'm so glad there are others who are wiser than me.

Ok. warming up the Karma bus in Detroit. Which direction should I head?

Up to Canada .... hopefully they let the karma bus across the border...

We did the exercise steve assigned us last night, where he told me EVERYTHING about the affair - not feelings, but just the facts.

It was worse than I thought. There were a lot of details I didn't know. He even took DD to the Zoo with her one time! It makes me sick. Steve said not to talk about emotions but it was so hard - what was he thinking through all this? Worst, he had feelings for her before our wedding and started the affair within c ouple weeks of us returning from our honeymoon. She was in my house for 48 hours....they "made love," as he put it ( ) in many different places. And so many other details.....

Ugh. Strangely though, knowing what happened makes it hurt less. Perhaps it is shock, but it all feels like something that happened to someone else.....

Sorry NP, but this is just one more step towards your recovery...you are headed in a good direction. I dont know if even today I could handle the "details".....Be prepared for it hitting you harder later on, you may be in shock right now, like you said....

{{{{{NewPetals}}}}} we are here for you if that happens....

(((NP))) It may comes as extreme anger once the shock wears off. Be prepared.

((((NP)))) Oh NP, I hope you can focus on your l'il bean and DD. Oh how sad. I am angry for you.

AHHHHH that feels better.

And journal the anger.
It's a great release mechanism, as mentioned to you earlier.

Silver lining here- he's doing Steves homework...I know it hurts no it kills but at least you are following a plan. Thinking about you and Lil bean...

Wow, NP, you are a much stronger woman than me. I have not asked for details - I just am not that strong. Even with H sitting next to me asking me what I'm writing I just can't bring myself to ask. H told me to be a stronger woman now!
I totally believe that H doing the work is really a good step. I think you're on your way!

WH is still acting pretty despairing and hopeless about our marriage. I am PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING this is withdrawal. Had a talk with Steve today about how my actions affect his incentive to work on the marriage - and I know I was particularly awful this weekend to WH.

All the while, the shock is wearing off about the details and I am in turn angry, sickened, and so very hurt. I had a huge crying session in the bathroom earlier. Driving home just now I was furious and felt like throwing up.

Went out for dinner with some friends and when I got back home, WH and DD were out. He had said he was taking her to a movie, so I know that's probably where they are, but at the same time, my mind is working overtime wondering if OW is with them. I am going to ask DD when they get home.

It was HARD hearing the details. I keep running them over and over in my mind.

I hate OW so much. I know it takes two to tango - but, I just hate her.

You're allowed to hate her, so don't feel bad.

When I read what your WH said the other day, my first thought was to wonder if there had been contact, too. Since you checked and there didn't seem to be, he was probably triggered by a combination of the weekend LB's and something besides contact that made him think of her quite a bit. It could have been almost anything, maybe even just a memory.

Continue to find healthy ways to vent your anger. Meet his needs the best you are able, even while your feelings rebel against him getting anything besides a skillet up the side of the head.

For now, don't worry too much. Keep checking for contact, and watch WH to see if he begins getting better over the next couple months. If a month or two down the line he's still saying and doing things like the other day, look very hard for contact because you're almost certain to find it.

For now, keep moving forward, one minute at a time.

Hugs!

So, you think that there is a chance that he is still involved in the affair....amidst the counseling with the Harleys?

Well, maybe both of you shouldn't be doing social things without the other. Your going to dinner with friends and leaving him alone might be a bad idea....maybe you should have nixed the friends and gone to dinner with HIM instead...and then to the movies as a family.

The time you spent with friends at dinner is time you could have spent with him. So many peoples say they have a hard time reaching the 15 hours of UA...all the while they have plenty of time to do things with others.

While trying to attain recovery your focus should be on HIM...and time should be spent with him....not dinner with friends.

Again...just my opinion.

committed

P. S. Don't use your little girl to keep you informed about what Daddy is doing.

I think OWH should keep all that crap, including the book. I got stuff from my OWH and it did nothing positive for me. To hell with sentimental value. Buy him a new copy and inscribe it as a gift for your "new life together" or something like that. Let him develop sentiment over that copy.

I'll just put the pedal to the metal when I get to the border guards...