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It was worse than I thought. There were a lot of details I didn't know. He even took DD to the Zoo with her one time! It makes me sick. Steve said not to talk about emotions but it was so hard - what was he thinking through all this? Worst, he had feelings for her before our wedding and started the affair within c ouple weeks of us returning from our honeymoon. She was in my house for 48 hours....they "made love," as he put it ( ) in many different places. And so many other details.....
Ugh. Strangely though, knowing what happened makes it hurt less. Perhaps it is shock, but it all feels like something that happened to someone else..... It's good to hear the facts without the emotion at first, I think for a couple of reasons: 1. Your WH is still too foggy to stand back and take an objective look at what he was feeling at the time. 2. It puts a little emotional distance on it for YOU - it's hard enough to hear about the events as it is. Harder still to hear how in lurve they were, to boot. I'm hoping that the time will come when you can discuss his emotions objectively, when he can say "Well, I thought I was in love", that kind of thing.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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So, you think that there is a chance that he is still involved in the affair....amidst the counseling with the Harleys?
Well, maybe both of you shouldn't be doing social things without the other. Your going to dinner with friends and leaving him alone might be a bad idea....maybe you should have nixed the friends and gone to dinner with HIM instead...and then to the movies as a family.
The time you spent with friends at dinner is time you could have spent with him. So many peoples say they have a hard time reaching the 15 hours of UA...all the while they have plenty of time to do things with others.
While trying to attain recovery your focus should be on HIM...and time should be spent with him....not dinner with friends.
Again...just my opinion.
committed
P. S. Don't use your little girl to keep you informed about what Daddy is doing. I don't know what to think. I don't believe he was with her, but at the same time I constantly have this suspicion. I had asked him to wait until today to take DD to the movie so I could go too, but he didn't want to, which raised all the bad thoughts in my head. I was really disappointed when I got home and they were gone. I don't know how better to keep tabs on whether there is contact if he's gone deeper and more secretive with it. I don't think he has, but it's still so early that it's a possibility. I agree that if in a couple months he's still acting this way then it will be a real indication of the A still being active. I actually was only gone a couple hours with friends, and it was a special occasion - sort of a small baby shower dinner with my two best friends becuase I had asked them not to give me a REAL shower. We're not really at UA stage yet....still dealing with his affair and seeing if we can treat that. SH says all the "good stuff" (talking about UA, no LB, IB's, etc) comes after this. I am trying hard to be in a good head space right now but it's very hard. I hate this.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Your doing good NP...you are doing good.....Remember lil' bean on the 21st, thats my DS birthday!.....Just kidding, you hang in there I know its hard...((((NewPetals)))) You and your family are in my prayers... 
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Hi NP,
I hope we haven't heard from you bc the new little one arrived! Hope everything is going well....
BA
Me-49, WH-51
Married 02/1983 yrs, Sons - 27, 26, 20
1st PA - 1985, 1st known EA - 1992/1993
2nd PA - 06/02 to 11/04
1st D-day - 09/03, D-day 2 - 10/04 D-day 3 05/08
NC e-mail - 11/04- it wasn't real
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Hi everyone, and thanks for thinking of me, ba! No baby yet - today is the due date and still waiting! I was so sure it was going to come early too... oh well, more time to relax! In other news - I've been around, reading more than writing. It's been really hard with WH lately. He's been moody and withdrawn and hard to get along with. Doing my best to be upbeat and cheerful and a loving wife, but it's darn hard when you get nothing in return....not that I can expect much at this point in our recovery! Had a bad moment today when a friend dropped off our dried wedding flowers (haven't seen her in a year, she lives out of the country) and a wedding card from her parents ... I just broke down. trying to get over it. Had a nice Father's Day with WH yesterday anyway. Made him a nice breakfast and dinner, and DD and I baked a cake for him. It was a good day, overall - some bumps but overall good. Trying to set up our next appt with Steve. Hopefully that will help some of these emotions.
Last edited by NewPetals; 06/21/10 09:01 PM.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Hey NP,
i was wondering if lil' bean came or not. Definitely will be thinking of u these next few days! Make sure to let us know when your little one arrives! I'm on pins and needles here!!
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NO LIL BEAN YET!!!!!.....I was 2 weeks late, if thats even possible, my DR said he would only induce at two weeks late...Now my DS will say to me that he remembers being in my tummy and he liked it in there and didnt want to come out...and he came out colicky and he says he was crying cuz he didnt want to come out and we made him..hahahahahahahaha...ahhh, hes such a cutie...
Got my fingers crossed, best of luck NP...Let us know...
PS..your doing great, you had a better fathers day than me!
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Hrm, haven't heard from you NP in a few days... Did lil' bean finally arrive? Hope all is ok with you....
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Deep cleansing breath, NP! ![[Linked Image from pic4ever.com]](http://www.pic4ever.com/images/shocked.gif) Master Petals. I'd say "Mistress", but that word isn't allowed here.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Hope you are doing well NP!
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Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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No word yet??? NP, remember your priorities! Us first, labor second. Whatever happened to posting between contractions?
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Hey Neak, I was thinking the same thing. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I thought we were going to get twitter updates.  Hope all is well NP!!!!
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Hello everyone and thanks for the kind thoughts and wishes!! I apologize for not being on a few days - switched internet providers and was out of internet for a while! (gasp!!) I am sorry to report....no baby yet.  This is getting ridiculous. I have an ultrasound on Monday, and depending on what it shows they will either induce me right there and then, or if the baby looks okay, they'll wait till Thursday. I was telling WH today that I must be very comfortable to live in because DD was late and now this l'il bean is too! In other news, WH is being a class A wayturd. He seems to have lost remorse and is angry and frustrated with our marriage. Keeps going on about how he feels that we are not addressing the issues that caused him to be open to an affair in the first place. Whatevs. I'm getting very tired of his attitude. It's like he realized the pain and anguish he put me through, felt bad for a while, and now expects me to be over it and become SuperWife. Isn't the worst of withdrawal supposed to be up by now???? Instead he is moody ALL the time and definitely not trying. If I wasn't sure the A was not active again, I'd boot him out the door. I feel this is just withdrawal but I'm mighty tired of it. Anyway, I'm just focusing on this baby. At least he is sort of finally stepping up to the plate with taking care of things around the house and reintegrating himself into our family, moody or not. Will keep you all updated - and if I can sneak my phone past those nurses I'll post updates in between contractions lol!
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Ack!!! I saw your name and was so sure you came to announce lil' beans arrival! That's ok. Get the phone past the nurses (they won't let you have it??) and keep us updated!! Were all thinking good thoughts for you and lil' bean!
((((((NP))))
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Disguise your phone as a cup of ice. Works every time.
Plan B can also be an option for even a non-active-A WS, if they continue to stonewall in R. It's not something to fret about for even a moment now, just know that it's in your bag of tools for down the road if you need it.
HURRY UP BABY!!!!!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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How much over your 40 weeks are you? Placentae have a limited "shelf life", and once they go over 40 wks. they begin to lose efficiency, so to speak. Assuming you had an early ultrasound (within the first 8 wks.) and your due date is sure, if you are into your 42nd wk. tomorrow when you see your doctor, you need to put up a vigorous argument for delivery now. Really. You can trust me on this. Ask Neak.
tl
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How much over your 40 weeks are you? Placentae have a limited "shelf life", and once they go over 40 wks. they begin to lose efficiency, so to speak. Assuming you had an early ultrasound (within the first 8 wks.) and your due date is sure, if you are into your 42nd wk. tomorrow when you see your doctor, you need to put up a vigorous argument for delivery now. Really. You can trust me on this. Ask Neak.
tl She's an OLD L&D nurse. She knows her placenta from her elbow.
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I tried to come up with a snappy comeback, but can't seem to think that fast any more.  I'll have to get back to you on that. Maybe one of the nurses at the rest home can help me out...  She knows her placenta from her elbow. And from a hole in the ground, too!  tl
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