No neither of them nor his father are supportive of my exposure. His sister is helping him look for places to move at his request. Mother is silent to me but has offfered support for kids in the past "no matter what happens"

They are on his side and have no real desire to persuade him in any direction sad but it has been their pattern in his life.

helping their son-brother destroy his life! wow. God will get "em. you just worry about the baby.

prd

Quamie, I am glad that you are holding up. I KNOW that kiddo is going to come when he/she is supposed to but my hope is that it will be healthy too.

You have done so well with the exposure and you have taken the first most important step in trying to recover your marriage. Keep your head held HIGH. You are amazing.

you might want to familiarize yourself with two acronyms.

posow
poswh

I am sorry they are not supporting you. It would be great if families circled the wagons when a member was misbehaving, and stood firm that the misbehavor had to stop!

If I live to be 100, my adult children will hear from me if they are doing something life-destroying!

Glad you have a lot of support, though, from elsewhere. I hope this is a joyous time and your heart is full once you can snuggle your new little one!

Of course, your kids will probably never do something life-destroying because you've taught them better. That's how things like this tend to go.

Update^^

Its nice to have clarity. I think that there is a blessing and lesson to learn in all things. I am going to be in the hospital for a while at least we are hoping for 4 weeks to give baby time to develop.

A little back ground.. my prayer had been for removal from my marriage if it was the will of GOD. Not a divorce but a separation that would bring clarity and give my husband time to see what he was missing and to see the life he had with clarity and no delusions.

At first I wanted to move out but several events happened that assured me that was NOT the right move

Then I exposed and S**T hit the fan and he went into panic mode and his sister stated he was looking for a place and that a separation was what we needed.

Less then 24 hours after exposure I am hospitalized and will remain in care until the birth of our child leaving my WH as soul provider physically, mentally, and financially for our home and children for the next month or possible more.

He will have to do all the duties I have done and would need to be done were he the "single" parent he states he can be.

I will remain in this hospital and continue to work on my end to better myself and my marriage but as of yesterday he is IT.

Our eldest son had a break down and is scared due to all the changes, our youngest son is in need of child care arraignments. His work duties have changed. This is just a taste of the life HE ASKED FOR!

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

My prayers are that my WH sees that life is about US as a team and how WE make our world possible. That the fog will be lifted and he will climb down from his tower of anger and feelings of betrayal and find that all of this can be just a BLIP in the totality of our LIFE.

TWP..thank you for the update.

No matter who we try and control a situation there is Someone who knows what is best for us and has His plan.

Your job right now is to remain calm and full of grace. Keep that baby growing and healthy.

Ignore all tantrums, pity parties, and anger issues of your H.

Continue to remain calm and as Pepperband says "do you want a cookie".

He is getting his taste of reality. He will see that he cannot depend on the OW who must be dealing with her own reality. I pray her H has heard of her adultery.

Keep us posted. If you need help in trying to find out OWH, these MBers are pretty crafty and maybe they can help you as you rest with your feet up!

Blessings.

Update^^

Oh how effective a storm is to clear the room

OW must have been contacted by someone regarding the letters I have sent out because my Wh contacted me today demanding that I STOP. I continued to send out letters as of 7am today due to the limit they have on how many you can send.

Someone told OWH it seems or is going to tell per my WH.

As stated here and in the book ANGRER every where, accusations, threats to leave and divorce me. Disbelief at my actions, my recklessness, my vengefulness, my hatred.

I didn't do to well on the no LB I must admit I didn't stay as calm as I should have nor did I NOT not respond. OPPPSSSS


We had several heated discussions over the phn and text messages regarding my actions and why I have chosen to go this route. I have explained time and agin I WANT YOU TO STOP. He told me he will stop talking to me and he is leaving me and he wants a divorce. I am pushing him further and further away from him. He doesn't know me and why I am doing this to him and his career and "ruining" lives.

As best as I could I explained that his LIES his choices and THEIR actions brought this ON NOT ME.

I DO NOT want a divorce I do NOT want him to leave and I expressed that again and again but I WILL NOT continue allowing THEIR behavior to effect me and my family, this has stopped his previous actions and forced him to make decisions.

At this time he is adamant that his choice is to leave. Strangely enough I am not afraid. Strangely enough I am not worried nor am I angry or hurt. I am OK with any decision he makes I would RATHER he chose his family or marriage our children I WOULD RATHER he stopped doing the things that have lead to this... But I dont always get what I want in the manner or time frame I desire

I will continue to BELIVE that my husband loves his family, his children, his WIFE and unborn child and in time he will see that enough to help US heal and return from this mess. My husband is not alone in this situation this is an UGLY place for us all to be. But I can NO longer allow it to languish on this course.

WH FB is off and so is the OW fb. They are very upset. It looks like OWH will be notified if not already has been and OW is very affraid of some form of physical retaliation. As I stated to my WH and this is NOT MY FAULT! Her husband has the RIGHT to know what is going on in HIS LIFE! Her marriage her issues NOT MINE.

I am working on MY marriage I pray that she do the same or LEAVE but she can not have my husband while he is MINE. If he choses otherwise that is NOT my concern but while he IS my husband hands OFF.

It looks like so far the reactions are as others stated they would be and every day I learn more and more what it is to find strength just when you thought you could take NO MORE.

Again and always thanks ya'll!!

I have a bit of a problem with you going on FAITH from 2 waywards that OWH will be notified. I think OW has already said, "Oh DH, my friend, WH has this CRAZY jealous wife and she is spreading all of these lies about me. She is really PSYCHO and you should NOT believe her if she calls you." I think that you still need to find out OWH's info and tell him. When he talks to you and you are able to show him all of the evidence you have, he will most likely see that you are NOT what his WW has portrayed.

Take good care of yourself and your baby. THAT is MORE important right now. Do you have someone that you can pass on the hunt for OWH to? I saw Hope offer to do it for you if you gave her OW's contact info. Think about it, 'kay?

TWP,

Was your affair exposed? I would guess your H feels a great injustice if that were not the case and does your OMW know?

Was your affair a physical affair too or just emotional?

God Bless
Gamma

The OM in my affair was single and unmarried or other wise attached. Lived alone no kids in the home so there was no ones spouse to expose to and it was a sporadic physical affair meaning we met once or twice a month then would not speak or see each other for a few months then meet again once or twice and again not see each other for a long time. It was still WRONG and I make no excuses to say other wise.

He chose not to expose although I HAVE told EVERYONE that I know of my affair regarding what is going on with his affair. I have NEVER implied that he has not been hurt and my actions could have motivated and flamed his actions to him or anyone else.

He did mention that he felt it was an injustice that he did not get to expose me and I explained to him if he felt the need to do so I would take the consequences of my actions. The issue is that I had no contact with the OM for well over 6months when my husband found out about the affair. I have no phone number and no way of contacting him. If he wanted we could look through the bills and try to figure it out that way and I have offered and would do that with him.

I have suggested and attended counseling and I brought up my affair as one of our issues.

My issue was and still is. I understand the pain I cause to HIM. I understand healing has not been done. I EXPECT to be lashed back at. What I will not accept is his lies and staying in my home while he does it after he has said he would stop. Remember I have only confronted him about the affair 4 months ago.... I knew before then it was going on, not with HER but I knew he was in an affair as I stated to him when I confronted him in Feb.

HE chose to deny and continue his affair even after he said he would stop, I NEVER demanded he stop only that he choose. I can not let this continue to go on despite my feelings of guilt it is causing PHYSICAL harm to me and my unborn child. I am not even asking him to discontinue the affair now I have repeatedly give 3 options

Stay with our family which means discontinue the affair

Leave our family and continue the affair without ME as his spouse and we would continue to be amicable and raise our children.

Leave and be on his own and we would still be amicable and raise our children.

I am not unreasonable in not wantin to continue to be lied to and hurt when the options are available for him to choose. I WILL NOT allow him to have me, OUR family, and his affair any longer no matter WHAT I did.

You need to remove the fact that you will remain amicable. Really? You COULD remain amicable? I don't think ANYONE could remain amicable.

Just picture it, your new baby is born and you look around and WH is there with OW holding his hand, smiling at him and saying, "Oh, look at how cute your baby is." Really? You wouldn't JUMP off of that bed and knock her lights out? What about birthday parties? Are you going to have a big family party and all "hang out?"

This is a FANTASY of WAYWARDS to think that people can be "amicable" and be "friends." Who can be friends with the person who torn apart their family?

I am sorry, I know that you want to do what is best for your family. I was like you too. My WH was going to babysit my kiddos while I was at work IN MY HOME. I thought that was okay. WTH was I thinking? I got my head straightened out and now I KNOW that THAT was a fantasy.

TWP,

Did you ask your husband how he feels about what you did and answer whatever questions he had.

I ask that because in my case I never asked questions 20+ years ago, and now my wife feels she doesn't need to talk about it, as it was so long ago. But for me the pain was just suppressed and never left.

Men bury feelings and women don't want to ask men about their feelings when they feel at fault.

So I am going to have a talk with OM and hope he provides the info. I need.

When you say the affair had been over for 6 months when he found out that is hardly anything.

Was he cheated on in prior relationships?

God Bless
Gamma

I did ask how he felt he is not a talker and SWEARS it is ok and no need to talk about it yet I know that is not the truth. If I bring it up he shuts me down. Says no need to dwell in the past says he forgave me but I KNOW that is not true. I know he still hurts over it almost 3 years later.

He was the cheater in all his past relationships come to find out and he says that OUR relationship was his first that he did NOT cheat and that is why he was so upset. For once he did the right thing and look what it got him... I don't believe he never cheated I just never pressed the issue or went looking when his behaviors or actions told me there were things going on. But that is neither here nor there.

I did not cheat because he cheated as he states he is not cheating because I cheated. We lack good communication can you tell...

At times.... this seems so bleak and I wonder what I am really fighting for.

Scotland we will have to agree to disagree. I can be amicable because I control my actions. I will NOT make this harder then it is.

Making boundaries is my job and I can only control my life. Who he has in HIS home, IN his car, at his family functions is not within my control no matter HOW much I don't like it. BUT I choose how I will react to any situation.

What I feel cant always dictate my actions because believe me if they did I WOULD be in jail by now.

I would PREFER he not bring my kids around the OW but if that is what he does IN HIS home or in his presence or in PUBLIC then I have no control. NONE over that. I can ask that he not bring her to MY home and I can change our location of pick up so I do not have to interact with him at ALL if he is unwilling to do so. But I can always remain amicable if I CHOOSE to be. I have no desire to further cause my self pain over another person actions that I have no control over.

Is that really unreasonable? Perhaps I am naive and filled with fairy tales...

Good luck to you TWP

You are rolling over for this affair, twp. Do not give your WH ANY sense that you are going to be a good egg about this. That is just more fuel for his fantasy.

Tell your WH that if he leaves your M he is going to be living in a Brave New World, a world where people don't divorce and remain friends. Sure - let him know you won't assault his AP. But you will NOT be friends.

In other words, you are willing to settle for nothing and crumbs?

If you cannot stand up for you, for your children and unwilling to go to the depths for them, then you will lose at least 50 percent of their childhood.

Think through what "peace" and "amicable" mean. They are GUARANTEED to lose 1/2 of the time with each parent! GUARANTEED!

If you stand up and say this won't be amicable - I won't share you with OW, you still run the risk of this same result, but it's no longer guaranteed. You have a chance of saving your marriage if you stand up to him and let him know you are worth exclusivity and commitment.

Perhaps I am not clear WH has stated he is leaving and wants a divorce. I have told him I do not want either. I will not beg him to stay. I have explained what he is leaving and he has stated he understands that. I have made it VERY clear by my actions and words that I will not participate in a 3 way relationship and that I WILL not allow him to have a wife and home and the OW. He choose at this time to NOT be with me, as he put it, he is leaving me NOT his children. I said OK if you think so then so be it. I understand that my children will suffer I understand that their lives are being ripped apart. I understand also that I am powerless to move him..

I have to protect myself and my unborn child as well as the children we have. Perhaps I do have blinders on. I do not understand how I can do anything else to help WH reconnect with US as he is refusing to disconnect from OW.

He has state that my exposure has caused him to make a choice and that choice is NOT me. Perhaps this is just his anger and fear speaking? IDK

I am still working to do a PA as best I can from bed rest. I am trying to remind him that his thought process is off track. I have heard the lines of
"We have not been happy for years, I have been unhappy for years" You all have heard it all.

I can not reason with a person who is unreasonable. I just keep making sure he knows I do not want him to leave that I love him, that I am willing to forgive him and work on our marriage if he is wiling. He has told me that he sees no value in our marriage and has no reason to work on fixing something that he sees if broken beyond repair

I could go on and on with his babble but I am sure it has if not all then mostly been said. lol

Maybe I am stunned or shell shocked by his reaction despite reading that this would happen its another thing to experience it.

I am taking life a heart beat at a time sometimes it feels like it.