Post your story here and ask the vets to help!

Could someone help me find and post a link to the Carrot and Stick of Plan A post? Thank you!

I was just looking for it, I will if I find it. Big bad storm here so I don't know how long I will have a connection.

Here it is...
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1518204#Post1518204

On May 24th I received a phone call from my husband's secretary's boyfriend stating that she had left her computer on and found e-mails between her and my husband and it was obvious that they were having an affair. He forwarded me all the e-mails. On several friends advise I went and saw 3 different lawyers before confronting him.

When I confronted him he acted like it was no big deal. Then he was surprised when I told him to leave that night. He came home the following night and we talked - he told me that he was confused and didn't know what he wanted - I told him that we have to go to marriage counseling - I admitted to my faults and told him that I wanted to work on those and get back to a happy us.

Since finding out my world is spinning. We have 2 small kids (under the age of 5)I found myself throwing myself at him and showing him how much I wanted this to work. That backed fire and it was overwhelming to him. Since then I have been working on the items I was going to work on (mostly for myself and then for our marriage).

He has told me that he doesn't want to do stuff with me, only the kids and that he doesn't find me attractive. I am emotionally drained. I have no idea if the affair is over, even though he tells me it is. We have gone to see a marriage counselor once and go back tomorrow.

I just want him to be a man and tell me that either he is 100% committed to working on this marriage (and show me in some small way) or just leave so I can move on with my life.

Can anyone help me or offer some advice?

Thanks

Fantie,
Glad you made it! Start reading at this link and post some of the answers to the questions in the first post.
Scottie's thread for the newly betrayed

Welcome to MB! Chrysalis is a true friend to bring you here. Your best chance at saving your marriage is by using Dr. H's methods. Is the OW still working for your H? Have you exposed the affair and if so to whom?

Welcome, Fanti. I am so sorry for your pain. You have a good friend in Chrysalis. She has been a friend to me when I felt like I had none. You have found absolutely the best chance of saving your M in MBs.

Traditional MC is worthless as long as your WH is involved in an active A. You have already begun the carrot of the carrot and stick but you need to use the stick now to try to break up the A. Exposure is sure best bet of accomplishing that.

Read all of the most popular links to the right and everything else that you can til you can't read anymore. Then order the books. Come here with any questions and to vent. You are not alone anymore.

God's Blessings,

Say

Fantie, bumping you to page 1!

The A is still going! If they still see each other it's still going on, sorry to say.

If you really want to save your marriage you need to start doing plan A, and KEEP Snooping, never confronting him about anything you find, just put it in a file where you know your husband wont find.

Also you need to EXPOSE this to EVERYONE! Family, friends, co-workers, the OW's family and friends, etc.

Sorry you are here, there are a lot of vet's who can help you just listen and DO what they say to do!

I encourage you to expose. To family, friends, co workers, everyone. The OW's boyfriend obviously already knows; what is he doing about it?

I also encourage you to be tested for STDs. You can go to your gyn and ask for it; this is what I did. It is such a relief to get the letter saying you are clean! Also my doctor prescribed meds because I sobbed through the whole thing and told her the story. The meds helped me. She told me that about half the women in her practice have gone through or are going through this. HALF! UGH!

Well you were all right - it is still going on. I worked at the hospital on Sat. night and he took the kids (on father's day) to the movies - I woke up early that afternoon and went on his computer - the dumb [censored] - left it up so I started copying all the stuff between them - then he must have known because while he is at the movies - he deletes them all and goes into my account (all from his blackberry from the movie theater) and deletes them as well - luckily I had saved some to my new e-mail account that he doesn't know about - I have 19 pages of e-mails from the week of 6/14 up until 6/21 at 2pm.

I called his mom and told her and she was shocked - she called him that night and he told her that the affair had been over since I first found out on 5/24 - however I have proof that it's still going on (one of thier text's was - hi beautiful - standing outside the movie's waiting to see toy story 3 with the kids - can't wait until we can go to the movies)

I left the house so fast tonight (as I had picked up an extra shift at the hospital) I didn't even want to see him - I am so digusted - I am not sure even if I want to make it work- he can have her - I deserve better

I am afraid to tell his workers - he is the boss and I need him to have his job so he can support us - I am a stay at home mom and I work prn at the hospital to keep my license active -

What should I do now? Help!!!!

I need help with all this lingo on here?

DH?
DS?
OW?
BW?
FWH?

How or where do I go to put my information (like stay at home mom, day I found out, my kids ages?)

Thanks

DH = Dear husband
DS = Dear son
OW = Other woman
BW = Betrayed wife, you
FWH = former wayward husband (as in a wayward husband who is no longer wayward)

Thanks.

Also my concern is we have no money - I work prn (1 shift a week) to pay for the kids fun activites - i also found when looking at his computer that he had pulled up apartments - I guess he was going to get one - have no idea how he is suppose to pay for that since we have no money and the lawyer i consulted told me that he has to continue to pay the mortgage and support me and the kids.

decisions decisions. Any advice?

If he moves out, have your lawyer (if you can) get emergency support. Too many BWs just think that he will continue to pay for things. He won't. He will try to short you.

You should also try to pick up more shifts.

What about

WS?
BS?
Op?
SF?

WS = Wayward spouse (a generic term, rather than WH or WW, the latter of which is wayward wife)
BS = Betrayed spouse (generic term)
OP = other person (generic term)
SF = S Fulfillment (You can figure it out from there. What your WH should be doing with you)