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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 264
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unseen2 Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 264
Hi all,

Been a long time since I posted here. Previous fiasco of a marriage is dead and gone.

I am in what I thought was a good relationship. It has been 5 yrs that we have been together, been through one deployment with her, and unlike my first 2 wifes/fiancee she did not cheat on me and over all made it a tolerable deployment.

Now I have another deployment comming up (#4) and it seems like she is trying to push me away. Keeps doing things she knows upset me, damn near doing what the last one did. All i know is i'm tired and can't fight like I did the last one.

Anyway, kinda just need input now

Thanks


Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.

Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.

2 PA 1999 w/ IA.

1 EA 2002.

IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)

Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 42
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Posts: 42
All I can say is that maybe she does not know how to express the emotions that she is feeling about your leaving again. I know this because I am in a similiar situation with my finace being in Korea. We were fighting all the time because we just could not get the emotions out correctly. We are trying so hard to express to each other now how we feel whether good or bad.

As a woman it takes an emotional toll on her to know that she is not going to see you for however long your deployment is. It is easier to push you away than to deal with the ongoing tormoil that she feels inside. Anyway you both should try and talk about it and discuss how it makes you feel having to be apart. Make plans on how to strengthen each other during your time away. You both will need emotional support during this seperation.


Me: 26
Him(Fiance): 29
Children (mine): 6 year old Son

"To be great is to be Misunderstood"
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 264
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unseen2 Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 264
It is hard it seems like every time I ask her not to or to do something, she does the oposite of what I need.

She tells me that she thinks one of her guy friends might be getting to close, wanting more. I ask her to cut contact then. What does she do, keeps texting, talking on facebook, asking him to come over and help with some yard projects. I know what that kind of stuff leads to. She knows what I went through with my last wife, but she does it anyway. Then acts like i'm being unreasonable.

Now shes in that "I need space" mode, and she took of her engagement ring. I've done my share of bad things, I'm on edge alot, damn grumpy sometimes, plain hard to be around. She thinks I act that intentionally.

Hell sometimes I don't know why I get so mad. Actually I do, just wish I could make it stop. After I came home in Oct08 it was hard on her. I think your on to something I do think she is worried how it is going to be when i come home this time. I worry to. I'm a medic with an infantry company, the odds of me getting an "easy" deployment are slim. so I know I'm going to "off" when I get home (just like the rest of the tours)

rambling again just have not been able to get some of this out


Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.

Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.

2 PA 1999 w/ IA.

1 EA 2002.

IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)

Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 6
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 6
Unfortunately, if you've had the same experiences multiple times then there is something you are doing that may be triggering it.

If you do the same thing multiple times and expect different results, that is the definition of insanity. Think very critically about what you are currently doing and try to pinpoint where the "breaking point" was in all of your relationships. Once you have that image clear, you will want to come up with an action plan of steps you can take to improve your current relationship. Then work towards that goal on a daily basis. Good luck!

Joined: Jan 2010
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Gina, can you share how Marriage Builders concepts will help this poster's marriage?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.

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