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OurHouse #2391619 06/16/10 05:06 PM
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Originally Posted By: OurHouse
Oh Anne, this is heartbreaking. NO husband should *ever* feel a need to say this, unless he's talking about his own wife!


Yes, it is heartbreaking. I thank you for saying that - I appreciate it. It's nice to know that others feel some sympathy for what I am going through.

No idea where he was today. He went to court with Dirtbag today and was gone most of the day. He didn't even check his email although he made a point to take his computer with him since he was supposed to work after court. I'm so tired of all of this.

anne505 #2391688 06/16/10 06:31 PM
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Originally Posted By: anne505
Originally Posted By: OurHouse
Oh Anne, this is heartbreaking. NO husband should *ever* feel a need to say this, unless he's talking about his own wife!


Yes, it is heartbreaking. I thank you for saying that - I appreciate it. It's nice to know that others feel some sympathy for what I am going through.

No idea where he was today. He went to court with Dirtbag today and was gone most of the day. He didn't even check his email although he made a point to take his computer with him since he was supposed to work after court. I'm so tired of all of this.


I am really glad OH said that to you....I lived with that kind of abnormal treatment for so long that I do forget how awful it is.

Go ahead and set your appt with the lawyer....I wish you could go earlier than July....although if it is early July that your kids go to camp that might just be 10 days or so from now. I really think your situation won't be as dire as you think...you are pregnant and that will work in your favor as far as getting temp support set up and him out of the house if that is what you want.

(((Anne)))

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Anne, I don't know where you live, and I'll preface this by saying I'm not a lawyer.

But unless you live in CA, I think that, even if you don't have rock solid proof of adultery, you will still come out ok. You already have proof that he lies to you about where he is...how does that make him a reliable father? What if something happened to you or one of the kids and no one could reach him because he wasn't where he said he was?

He gambles and spends money in strip clubs. Can you document?

Do you have/are you getting documentation for all the other lying, mis-spending of marital funds, etc? You might not need proof of infidelity.

Again, I'm not a lawyer.

But this is going to tear you apart if it goes on much longer. If I were you, I'd make my move now. Is there *anyone* to watch the kids while you see a lawyer?

Also, if/when you do confront, make sure you have the VAR running!

(((Anne)))))

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Originally Posted By: SmilingWoman
Go ahead and set your appt with the lawyer....I wish you could go earlier than July....although if it is early July that your kids go to camp that might just be 10 days or so from now. I really think your situation won't be as dire as you think...you are pregnant and that will work in your favor as far as getting temp support set up and him out of the house if that is what you want.


I'm going to schedule the appointment for the first day of the kids' camp. It will be here soon and I'm coping so I'm not worried about the wait. It will help to know what my options are.

OurHouse #2392112 06/17/10 11:51 AM
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Originally Posted By: OurHouse
But unless you live in CA, I think that, even if you don't have rock solid proof of adultery, you will still come out ok. You already have proof that he lies to you about where he is...how does that make him a reliable father? What if something happened to you or one of the kids and no one could reach him because he wasn't where he said he was?


No, we are not in CA. I know what I will get for the kids (or a rough idea) but I have no idea what a judge will award me for support. Or for how long.

Originally Posted By: OurHouse
He gambles and spends money in strip clubs. Can you document?


I only have the conversations from the VAR which are not admissible in court in my state.

Originally Posted By: OurHouse
Do you have/are you getting documentation for all the other lying, mis-spending of marital funds, etc? You might not need proof of infidelity.


Again, the only proof I have is from the VAR. But, I do have a list of friends to subpeona who know about his lying and activities. Of course, they might lie for him.

Originally Posted By: OurHouse
But this is going to tear you apart if it goes on much longer. If I were you, I'd make my move now. Is there *anyone* to watch the kids while you see a lawyer? Also, if/when you do confront, make sure you have the VAR running!


I have waited this long so I have no problem waiting a few more weeks. I will make sure to record the confrontation. Good advice!

anne505 #2393401 06/20/10 07:19 AM
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Any update Anne?

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Originally Posted By: SapphireReturns
Any update Anne?


I keep checking for updates too....assuming no news means she is trying to enjoy the weekend with her father who is visiting.

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Sapphire & Smilling - Thanks for checking in. I selected an attorney to go to see. I'm setting the appointment up for the first day the kids are at camp. Maybe I will get more between now and then. My therapist agrees that I should see an attorney before I confront so I know what I'm dealing with. At least I have a deadline now. Thanks again for checking in. I wish I had more to say.

anne505 #2393796 06/21/10 11:56 AM
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Originally Posted By: anne505
Sapphire & Smilling - Thanks for checking in. I selected an attorney to go to see. I'm setting the appointment up for the first day the kids are at camp. Maybe I will get more between now and then. My therapist agrees that I should see an attorney before I confront so I know what I'm dealing with. At least I have a deadline now. Thanks again for checking in. I wish I had more to say.


How did the weekend go? Did he stick around the entire weekend or manage to 'get away.'?

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Originally Posted By: SmilingWoman
How did the weekend go? Did he stick around the entire weekend or manage to 'get away.'?


He stuck around despite the fact that Dirtbag was encouraging him to go out with him anyway. I'm pretty sure he met up with DB and went gambling this morning though (he said he was working).

I have almost all my finacial documents together. I need to type up my journal notes which track his lies as well as the questions I have for the attorney. I want to be ready for my appointment next month.

In the meantime, I will hopefully get more. If not, I feel pretty good about going forward with what I have. Regardless of what happens over the next few weeks, the end is in sight!

Thanks, as always, for checking in. It won't be much longer now.

Last edited by anne505; 06/21/10 02:39 PM.
anne505 #2393950 06/21/10 03:22 PM
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Originally Posted By: anne505
Originally Posted By: SmilingWoman
How did the weekend go? Did he stick around the entire weekend or manage to 'get away.'?


In the meantime, I will hopefully get more. If not, I feel pretty good about going forward with what I have. Regardless of what happens over the next few weeks, the end is in sight!

Thanks, as always, for checking in. It won't be much longer now.


Very glad to hear this. You have come so far...

Oh and be sure not to destroy your hand written notes even if you do type it up for your attorney...I believe the handwritten ones will hold more weight with a judge if it came to that.

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Thanks SmilingWoman. I don't know if anyone other than me would be able to decipher my handwritten notes. Should I rewrite them and keep a neat copy? My hand writing is pretty horrible.

Someone put a picture of Dirtbag with another woman on a Facebook profile and wrote some things about WH in the status so it's been interesting to hear them go into damage control mode. Just another prank by one of their "friends". The funny thing is that WH is sooo worried I will find out about all of this when I actually already know!

I got Dirtbag's password for his hotmail account. Too bad that the Facebook prank got him all worried and he deleted all of his old messages. But I have access to new messages and maybe he will get more comfortable once the hoopla about the Facebook profile has died down. He certainly is registered for a lot of dating websites! I also found a separate email account and have the password for that too. I'm going to have to start putting together my notes for when I expose to Dirtbag's wife.

Speaking of exposing Dirtbag, do you think I should do it in person, on the phone or via letter sent to her which would require her signature to pick up? Interested to hear how some of you have approached other spouses with what you know.

anne505 #2394294 06/22/10 11:52 AM
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Is the separate email account also Dirtbag's?

I think if you keep your handwritten notes and package them together with the typed version, it should be fine.

OurHouse #2394302 06/22/10 11:59 AM
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Originally Posted By: OurHouse
Is the separate email account also Dirtbag's?


Yes. Dirtbag also has a Yahoo email but I haven't been successfull in coming up with that password. I was able to get into the Facebook profiles he uses under two separate names but not is real one. He's very busy. So far, WH does not have any separate email accounts that I didn't already know about (which he doesn't use anyway) and he does not IM. I'm not getting a lot on him with the Keylogger but it has been useful in other ways, I guess.

anne505 #2394346 06/22/10 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted By: anne505
Originally Posted By: OurHouse
Is the separate email account also Dirtbag's?


Yes. Dirtbag also has a Yahoo email but I haven't been successfull in coming up with that password. I was able to get into the Facebook profiles he uses under two separate names but not is real one. He's very busy. So far, WH does not have any separate email accounts that I didn't already know about (which he doesn't use anyway) and he does not IM. I'm not getting a lot on him with the Keylogger but it has been useful in other ways, I guess.


Yes the pieces do tend to pile up.

As far as exposing to DBs wife, I would do it in person. Do you know her? Either way do it in person. I exposed to my cousin's husband in person....met him at a Sonic...made arrangements with him via phone to meet there without telling him who I was until I got there. I had the evidence in hand and he just sat there in shock for about 30 minutes.

Looks like you've got at least another week to gather info...who knows what you might come up with.

OurHouse #2394347 06/22/10 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted By: OurHouse
Is the separate email account also Dirtbag's?

I think if you keep your handwritten notes and package them together with the typed version, it should be fine.


I agree just keep your handwrittent notes with the typed ones. Even if your handwriting is bad it gives more credibility if you have the original..

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Originally Posted By: SmilingWoman
As far as exposing to DBs wife, I would do it in person. Do you know her?


I don't know her well at all. The problem is that there is no way I could contact and then see her without Dirtbag finding out first. He will get really nervous when he finds out I've contacted her and this could mess up the exposure. The Facebook profile prank has made him (and WH) very nervous so I wouldn't want to alert DB to what I know. Dirtbag is a very good liar and has lied his way out of these situations before. I don't want that to happen again. I was leaning towards a letter which would surprise everyone and the proof would be in black and white. I have time to think about it though.

anne505 #2394391 06/22/10 02:20 PM
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I think you have said this before Anne, and it makes perfect sense to me. Worry about your own marriage first. You can always clue in dirtbag's wife later.

OurHouse #2394395 06/22/10 02:25 PM
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Originally Posted By: OurHouse
I think you have said this before Anne, and it makes perfect sense to me. Worry about your own marriage first. You can always clue in dirtbag's wife later.


I will deal with it AFTER I deal with my own situation. I just don't want Dirtbag to see it coming.

Last edited by anne505; 06/22/10 02:26 PM.
anne505 #2394403 06/22/10 02:35 PM
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Cheers to you Anne!

What class and dignity you are showing! That is grace under fire.

You'll get what you need. Your patience will pay off.

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