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Lexxxy #2394412 06/22/10 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted By: Lexxxy
Cheers to you Anne!

What class and dignity you are showing! That is grace under fire.

You'll get what you need. Your patience will pay off.


Lexxxy, thank you so much! Kind words like that keep me going! I keep telling myself the in is in sight!!!

anne505 #2394448 06/22/10 04:15 PM
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I second that you have grace and dignity...

About exposure to DBs wife after you have your own situation under control...I exposed in person because I needed to see for sure that he received the info. I called him up--concealig my caller ID---and said, 'I have some information about your wife that I think you would like to see. I will meet you at Sonic tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. He got out of his car and into mine and I showed him what I had and we talked for about 30 minutes. I did ask him to not bring his wife.

In your situation, by the time you expose, your WH and DB will be on high alert so DB wll probably already be spinning you as a crazed nut job telling lies all over town.

Anyway, if you sent it via mail 'signature required' I suppose it would be just as good. I live in a small town and don't trust those things to go as they are suppose to. Be sure and give your phone number and name because she will probably have questions.

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I worry a little bit, Anne. I would make sure that DB is not a REALLY bad guy. Certain kinds of people will conspire to do really bad things if they feel attacked or assaulted badly enough. Maybe this fear is unfounded, but I feel obligated to mention it. I suppose that as long as your attorney knows what you are doing, and you mention that in your exposure letter, it would make him think twice about any plan for retribution. I don't mean to interfere in plans that will help you, as long as making an enemy who is a DB does not put you in real danger. Have you done a background check on DB for any past episodes of violence or rash behavior?


FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
GreenMile #2394486 06/22/10 05:31 PM
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Originally Posted By: GreenMile
I worry a little bit, Anne. I would make sure that DB is not a REALLY bad guy. Certain kinds of people will conspire to do really bad things if they feel attacked or assaulted badly enough. Maybe this fear is unfounded, but I feel obligated to mention it. I suppose that as long as your attorney knows what you are doing, and you mention that in your exposure letter, it would make him think twice about any plan for retribution. I don't mean to interfere in plans that will help you, as long as making an enemy who is a DB does not put you in real danger. Have you done a background check on DB for any past episodes of violence or rash behavior?


Not to totally discount any possible danger, but I believe DB is a long time friend....childhood I think.

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Originally Posted By: SmilingWoman
Originally Posted By: GreenMile
I worry a little bit, Anne. I would make sure that DB is not a REALLY bad guy. Certain kinds of people will conspire to do really bad things if they feel attacked or assaulted badly enough. Maybe this fear is unfounded, but I feel obligated to mention it. I suppose that as long as your attorney knows what you are doing, and you mention that in your exposure letter, it would make him think twice about any plan for retribution. I don't mean to interfere in plans that will help you, as long as making an enemy who is a DB does not put you in real danger. Have you done a background check on DB for any past episodes of violence or rash behavior?


Not to totally discount any possible danger, but I believe DB is a long time friend....childhood I think.


I spent four years serving as a deputy district coroner in the 1980's and worked with a lot of detectives. The hubris of some people can lead them in directions that no one would ever expect, not even close friends and associates. Not even relatives. It just gives me pause, that's all. If it is essential, then it is one thing. If it is not essential, then it is another kind of consideration, that's all.


FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
GreenMile #2394517 06/22/10 06:11 PM
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Violent reactions are so rare, though. The violent reactions I know about were committed months AFTER the affair by people who had no history of violence. This is not something we typically have to worry about.

Is there a special reason we are worried about this guy? Is he a person with violence in his past?

Frankly, I wouldn't worry about it. If I had a legitimate reason to be concerned, I might carry my pistol for a while.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Its just me, Melody. I think a full background check on that guy would be something worthwhile, just to be able to go into things with eyes open. That's all it is. People who feel entitled are capable of all manner of things, especially professional types who think they are too brilliant to get caught. A little caution beforehand never hurts.


FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
GreenMile #2394546 06/22/10 07:12 PM
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Greenmile, what is the purpose of the background check? What is different about this guy that concerns you? I didn't read the whole thread so I am not up to speed.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Nothing, other than the fact that both guys are entitled professional types who have conspired to deceive their spouses, added to the fact that getting busted represents a huge trauma for both of them. People like that can reinforce each others' behaviors. I have no idea how the combination of them will handle joint anger, but it is worth considering. Obviously, they are both deceptive, willing to go to great lengths to hide their behaviors, and both are professionals who are likely privy to methods of harming their foes that are probably quite sophisticated. Put two people together like that, and they might consider behaviors that neither alone might even consider. Intense anger and a threat to a sense of entitlement is a volatile thing. It would be good to know them both extremely well in that regard. It is merely a caution, and if it is not worth considering, then that is great. As long as Anne knows with certainty that it is not a worry with those two, then this can be disregarded.. Her attorney should certainly be aware of her entire plan, though, and the exposure of them both should be something that he is aware of in writing.

Last edited by GreenMile; 06/22/10 07:39 PM.

FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
GreenMile #2394567 06/22/10 07:43 PM
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Gotcha! I would't worry about it. We know of 2 cases of violence and a background check wouldn't have revealed anything that would indicate future violence. Its not something an attorney needs to be concerned about either.

Folks here are more in danger of an ongoing affair than violence.

Truly, don't worry, GM. Exposures are very common place and they are not dangerous. We have done hundreds of these.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


GreenMile #2394572 06/22/10 07:47 PM
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GM - are you getting the same vibe about these two guys as I did - that "Criminal Minds" episode I mentioned a few posts back?

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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Gotcha! I would't worry about it. We know of 2 cases of violence and a background check wouldn't have revealed anything that would indicate future violence. Its not something an attorney needs to be concerned about either.

Folks here are more in danger of an ongoing affair than violence.

Truly, don't worry, GM. Exposures are very common place and they are not dangerous. We have done hundreds of these.


Excellent, then.


FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
KaylaAndy #2394609 06/22/10 08:33 PM
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Originally Posted By: KaylaAndy
GM - are you getting the same vibe about these two guys as I did - that "Criminal Minds" episode I mentioned a few posts back?

I didn't see that. Sorry. Do you have the link to that?


FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
GreenMile #2394631 06/22/10 09:20 PM
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Originally Posted By: GreenMile
Originally Posted By: KaylaAndy
GM - are you getting the same vibe about these two guys as I did - that "Criminal Minds" episode I mentioned a few posts back?

I didn't see that. Sorry. Do you have the link to that?


Criminal Minds Season Four---"Soul Mates". I just watched the first few minutes of it on line....I do remember the episode...but not enough to connect the dots to DB and Anne's WH the way KA did....I plan to find time to watch it though.

I do agree with ML that violent reactions are rare...no guarantees of course...I am interested to hear Anne's take on this.

GreenMile #2394632 06/22/10 09:22 PM
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Originally Posted By: GreenMile

I spent four years serving as a deputy district coroner in the 1980's and worked with a lot of detectives. The hubris of some people can lead them in directions that no one would ever expect, not even close friends and associates. Not even relatives. It just gives me pause, that's all. If it is essential, then it is one thing. If it is not essential, then it is another kind of consideration, that's all.


Cool job GM....

Not to speak FOR Anne....but I would never withhold info from a BS if I had proof. It is just not in me to do so.

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Originally Posted By: SmilingWoman
Originally Posted By: GreenMile
Originally Posted By: KaylaAndy
GM - are you getting the same vibe about these two guys as I did - that "Criminal Minds" episode I mentioned a few posts back?

I didn't see that. Sorry. Do you have the link to that?


Criminal Minds Season Four---"Soul Mates". I just watched the first few minutes of it on line....I do remember the episode...but not enough to connect the dots to DB and Anne's WH the way KA did....I plan to find time to watch it though.

I do agree with ML that violent reactions are rare...no guarantees of course...I am interested to hear Anne's take on this.


Don't want to beg trouble, but you just never know about people. Too much TV, I guess, plus that 4 years in forensic pathology way back in the 80's left me with a residual "think dirty" mentality. That was a tough time, with little kids at home and my marriage to DWG already in terrible shape (entirely my fault). Plus, I learned to become so deceitful myself. Just a residual nervousness about such things, I guess. It didn't help to watch "Fargo" on TV last night, either.


FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
GreenMile #2394815 06/23/10 09:05 AM
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Hello all! First of all, I thank GreenMile for his concern. One of the things I love about MB is that you always get a different perspective and I always leave here with something new to think about it.

I don't feel there is any danger of DB or WH becoming violent. I honestly feel like DB will be happy once this all comes out. As it looks like my marriage is going to end, it would not surprise me at all if DB followed suit and ended his marriage as well. Then DB and WH can go live happily ever after, gambling and skirt-chasing as much as they like. Who knows? It might be a huge relief for both once this is all out in the open. Then they will be free to live this lifestyle that they have risked everything for.

Yes, it's true that I'm dealing with two sick individuals. But I assure you that I feel confident that my physical safety is not an issue. DB will likely play some of his pranks on me but those will likely be of the high school variety (annoying but not necessarily harmful).

I think life without these two might be very nice.

anne505 #2394862 06/23/10 09:44 AM
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How the heck does your husband keep his job if he's "supposed to be at work" but is out doing whatever, with DB?

OurHouse #2394865 06/23/10 09:46 AM
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Originally Posted By: OurHouse
How the heck does your husband keep his job if he's "supposed to be at work" but is out doing whatever, with DB?


They are not very busy at WH's work right now. There are times when he does work a lot but now is not one of them. The difference is that he's leading me to believe he's busy when he's really not. It will be interesting to see what happens once things pick up.

anne505 #2394972 06/23/10 11:42 AM
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Originally Posted By: anne505
Hello all! First of all, I thank GreenMile for his concern. One of the things I love about MB is that you always get a different perspective and I always leave here with something new to think about it.

I don't feel there is any danger of DB or WH becoming violent. I honestly feel like DB will be happy once this all comes out. As it looks like my marriage is going to end, it would not surprise me at all if DB followed suit and ended his marriage as well. Then DB and WH can go live happily ever after, gambling and skirt-chasing as much as they like. Who knows? It might be a huge relief for both once this is all out in the open. Then they will be free to live this lifestyle that they have risked everything for.

Yes, it's true that I'm dealing with two sick individuals. But I assure you that I feel confident that my physical safety is not an issue. DB will likely play some of his pranks on me but those will likely be of the high school variety (annoying but not necessarily harmful).

I think life without these two might be very nice.


Good to hear!


FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
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