Ok - thought of some questions

I read through the reverse fogbabble - awesome stuff

Therefore I should keep things to a min. Don't tell him much - like the fact that I knew he didn't go to Houston and that he was in town (found that out from the guys at work) I would just love to call him a LIAR!!

You are doing just great, Fantie. Just keep up the pressure on the affair!

And you don't need an excuse to go up there. You have a right to visit your own husband whenever you choose. I would march right up to the OW's desk and ask her "how is your affair with my husband?" Say it right out loud so everyone can hear. I would be going up there every day and and visiting her desk.

Where is your H spending the night? With the OW?

Let him know everything you know and about everyone you exposed to. Don't call him names, but just let him know you know.

And where is he sleeping? He is at her house, right? If so, I would verify he is there, take a picture of his car and then start calling people from the driveway.

Fantie, cause as much trouble as possible in their affair!

Another question - I am suppose to work at the hospital on Sat. night - do I need to find someone to watch the kids if he is still not home? or tell him he has to come home to watch the kids when I go to work?

I emailed the old boyfriend and he told me that he wanted to stay away from this [censored] mess - so that is my clue to cut him out.

A friend came to pick up our son for a playdate and while I was outside he called - so I called him back at the office phone number (I usually just call his cell) and when she (the OW) answered I just said my I please speak wiht my husband? Then when he came on I said I told him that we were outside as our son went on a playdate - so he tried to talk to our 3 yo daughter and she didn't want to talk to him. He asked when would our son be home and I said not sure, asked about daughter's camp - told him I gotta go - then he said call me on my cell phone - and I replied - I will see what I can do.

He told me he was at a hotel - probably with OW I am assuming as I know they went out to lunch together yesterday. My friend drove by her house last night - her car was in the driveway, his truck wasn't there or on any side streets - doesn't mean to say it wasn't in her garage.

Fantie, why is he not coming home? What happened here? Did I miss that part? How is he explaining this?

I wouldn't be surprised if she picks him up somewhere and then takes him to her home.

I would call the landline EVERY TIME so that skankho hears your voice.


I would ask for the evidence. Ask him for reciepts and if he pulls this tonight ask for the hotel name and address so you can call and verify this.

As his wife, you have every right to know where he is at all times.

If you have an extra key to WH's truck, have your friend drive by and hit the panic button. If the truck is in the garage, she will hear it and might get to see WH run thru the house turning on lights to see who is messing with his truck. GF

Try this site.. www.pipl.com
Put the OW name in and it will tell you what social network sites she might belong and it is free.

Good luck you are doing well in trying to save your M

He is not at the home because he said when I confronted him on MOnday morning that he needed his space - I replied ok - then he left for work and then he made the decision to get a hotel room the last 2 nights and we haven't talked much.

Gotcha! Needing "space" means "needs space" to carry on his affair. He is not staying at a hotel, he is staying with the OW. I would tell him you know this is a bullcrap story and let the OW know too.

Additionally, I would call her father again and tell him that your H is staying at her place. I am not even guessing about this, fantie. I ASSURE you this is where he is staying and EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW.

Fantie, from a strategic standpoint, I would focus all of your attention TODAY on causing as much conflict as possible in the affair. Do more exposures telling EVERYONE he is sleeping at her place and has abandoned his family for his adultery, go to the office, confront the OW, do whatever you have to do inflict blows on the affair.

You need to do this TODAY while you have the affair on the ropes. If you let up, they will simply regroup and regain power.

Your goal for the week is to get your H home and to get the OW out of that office. If you keep up the pressure you might be able to do that.

In all of this, DO NOT FIGHT WITH YOUR HUSBAND. Just be sweet and loving. Tell him you will do what it takes to save your marriage and will let every one know about his affair. No fighting, no trying to reason with a falling down drunk.

If you can get him back home and get her out of the office, then you have a chance to save this.

I would then call up Marriage Builders and get phone coaching with one of their coaches. They might be able to talk some sense into him.,

It's also possible that she has "blocked" you on FB which means that it would appear that she doesn't not exist on FB. The only other way around that is to sign up for a new account using a different name and address and friending someone who you think she may be friends with on FB. If you find her that way, immediately make a list of all of her friends and save it for exposure.

Ok so I just talked to my WH - he told me the name of the hotel he was/is staying at - he told me that he wants to see the kids -and that he has been calling them - I said that he never called at all yesterday - he told me he has the phone records - I told him to show me them - then i tried to listen - I asked him if he had asked me first if it was ok that he put me through hell before he started the affair.

He brought up the fact that I called her parents - he said they think I am some psycho - that she is a grown adult -I said well if that is the case then I know where she got her morals from. I said you have known me for 15 years and you have know her for <2 years and you are going to believe that. He kept asking me why I called her parents and I replied I am saving my marriage - he said well that is not how you do it - I replied well continuing the affair is?

He told me that when I first confronted him about the affair that he asked for his space (like his own apartment) and I said no - that isn't a way to work on our marriage - he is asking for his space again - I think he wants to get his own apartment. He told me that he hates coming home.


I also asked him if he actually went to Houston for one specific trip (while we were in MC) and he said yes - I asked him for the receipt. He said he would show me - but I doubt he will - he's says what;s the point afterwards.

I feel good that I exposed it but I also feel that everything is backfiring - He is angry as hell - I am a very direct and honest person - I don't know how I feel right now - if I want to save it or just move on - I need to know from him what his plans are?

I seem more confused then ever. Do I need to have him tell me the truth and tell him that I called his co-workers and know all the lies? I did tell him that I didn't know who he was anymore.

How should I handle this?

Fantie,

The emotional ups and downs are part of the territory. I am sorry.

His plans are to enjoy both the benefits of marriage to you and the benefits of an affair. He will not give you a direct and honest anything right now. He is not going to be the grown up here.

His anger is temporary. He wants an apartment because he wants space for his affair.

I would stop badgering him for the truth. The big truth is that he is in an affair and it is harmful to you and the children. Badgering him is a love buster.

Did you read the carrot and stick thread?

You need the RECEIPT. Tell him you will be up to his office to get the reciept. Don't allow yourself to get gaslighted, Fantie, he is lying his [censored] off. He did not stay at a hotel.
Don't let up here.



Again, another lie. I would call the parents AGAIN and ask the father to use his influence to end the affair. Offer him the evidence of the affair.


means nothing. Your H is the LAST person who can tell you how to kill an affair.



Tell him you can't stop him from getting his "space" but you know that it is really an excuse to carry on his affair.


Fantie, did you read my post above with a PLAN? You are allowing his fogbabble to distract you from your plan. He is high on the addiction of an affair and will say or do anything to make you leave him alone so he can conduct his affair.


Go down to the office and ask for the hotel receipts. Tell him there that all the employees know about the affair and the OW needs to go.

Fantie, don't let up while you have the affair on the ropes. Your H is angry for the right reasons, because you are interfering with his affair. If you want to save your marriage, you had better keep their feet to the fire!

p.s. he needs to know TODAY who has been told of the affair. If he doesn't know he has been exposed, then is was all for naught.

Nothing is backfiring.
Stop being reactive.
By that I mean, when WH gets upset, you automatically seem to become upset.
Do NOT base your PLAN A on his responses.

He is a whack-o-wayward, and thus, he is acting per script.
You must get ahold of YOURSELF, today.

WH has no plans.
He is flying by emotion-control.
Up/down/back/forth.

Have you read THE ART OF WAR thread?
I'll bump it for you.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1704953#Post1704953

One more thought, as an honest and direct person, you need to muzzle your mouth a little.
Do not relay YOUR plans, at all!
Instead, of speaking your mind right now, ask open-ended questions that might provoke WH to slip up and reveal some stuff.

And your "just move on" comment.... You are still so emotionally invested in your marriage at this time ... You have SO MUCH unfinished business .... You cannot "JUST move on".
So, drop it. It's not happening for you at this stage.

BINGO! Fantie, you need to view his rantings the same as you would the rantings of a falling down drunk. It is all meaningless. You have the upper hand in the dilemma if you will just use it.

Ignore his rantings and go forward. Cause as much trouble in the affair as possible TODAY while you have it on the ropes. He is trying to SCARE you into silence by telling you lies about the OW's parents.

They are trying desperately to regroup and shut you down.

YOU CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN. Don't back down now.

SO he e-mails me this:
Per our conversation. Please call me when you know when the kids will be at the house. I would not like them to be babysat by anyone if I don't know. I would like the option of watching them.

My response:
I am going to pick up Caitlyn now and then we have a bunch of people coming over to swim. Why don't you come home for dinner and bring your phone log records, the receipt from the current hotel that you staying at and the receipt from your trip to Houston from 6/10.

Ha!
Love your response!