priceless -- perfect response. Love his concern for the kids wellbeing when he has been the absentee father. He will be very very angry but just smile and be pleasant. It will confuse him.

Hmmm, his request sounds almost legalistic. In Texas there is what we call the "first right of refusal" when it comes to babysitting the children of parents going through a divorce. He may have spoken with someone who advised him to set a precedent now for custody issues on down the road.

Still a good response.

That is what I was thinking - I thought he saw a lawyer himself because he also texted me saying - I need to know who is wathcing the kids while I am doing my other things.

He is coming home at 5:30 per his response from my e-mail. He said he wanted to talk.

What do I say. I tell him who I have exposed the affair too (his co-workers) and what else? What if he tells me that he wants his space - like getting an apartment? Do I tell him that I know all the lies (like it was her earring in the car that I found in March), that he didn't go to Houston, like his co-workers are uncomfortable at teh office - how do I handle our talk tonight.

Do I say come home or file for a divorce.

NEED HELP!!

Just tell him you know all about his lies and will not cooperate with any scheme to "get space." Tell him that you know he just wants space to conduct his adultery. Tell him that you have told everyone about his adultery and will continue to do so.

Bluff him about the "hotel" thing and just say, "wow, I had the OW's watched last night and heard something very different." do you have your hotel receipt to prove this?

Tell him that if this goes to divorce that you will not be "his friend" but that you will sue on grounds of adultery and have the OW subpoenaed to give oath about her adultery.

Don't ASK him if he is lying. Tell him you know he is lying. Tell him you know he lied about Houston and he lied about staying a hotel last night. He was with the OW.

If he is still talking about wanting an apartment, I suggest you take action right away to secure your finances. You said you talked to three attorneys already. It will make the affair very uncomfortable once he realizes he cannot afford an apartment.

He probably wants to talk to get a commitment from you for less support than you are entitled to. Do not go along with this.

And if he wants to talk divorce, say, "I only talk marriage with you , not divorce. If you want a divorce you will have to do that on your own."

He is going to try to get you to be "reasonable"-- in other words to compromise what is in your and your children's best interests in order to make his affair easier and more comfortable. You do not need to along with this.

Well he is here right now - he came home and I had made a lovely pB&jelly sandwich for dinner (ran late b/c we had friends over swimming) He has been civil - really cuddling up to the kids - helped me with some stuff around the house (repairs)

I am not sure how or what to do- I know he is not staying because he is still wearing his dress clothes from work - and his shoes are on. the kids are going to bed in 15 minutes and then I am assuming we'll talk.

Goal is not to say too much - let him know who I have exposed the affair too- and just be nice and polite - I feel sick to my stomach. I'll let you know how it goes?

funny, just about the time you wrote this you crossed my mind while I was driving and I sent up a little prayer on your behalf.... let us know.

Well talked - I asked him if he brought home the recipts that I requested and of course he forgot them on his desk - then we started talking - he told me that he was going to fly up to his parents house (Cape Cod) on Sunday so that he can clear his head - he kept asking me about if I was working Sat. night - I told him I have't even thought about Sat. I was just trying to get through each day -

Then he told me he wanted to get an apt. and I said that I would not support that so that he could carry on his affair. He was so all over the map - I just smiled and tried to listen.

He was very upset when I told him that I spoke with his employees - he said we are done at that point.

He told me that he was seeing a lawyer tomorrow - so that he knew what his rights were. I said good idea - knowing that he was the cheater that he is the one who will have to pay.

My head is spining - I am heading to bed.

Be prepared for fake-making-nice.

Once he finds out he is sc****d, he will attempt to make nice and get you to agree to things.

I would put on a pretty dress and go pick them up at his office. Say hi to OW!! I would also verify his whereabouts on Sunday and enlist his parents to help your cause.

You are doing great, Fantie!

I can easily find out where he is going because he is using air miles to fly up there. I feel like if I call his parents that I am pushing them - they has told them that he can't work on his marriage while involved with another women - and that marriage has it's up and down's and you have to work through them and he would lose alot.

I am also going to call his best friend (who I exposed it to) and have him talk to him while he is up there.

I also told him that I would rather him lose his job and work at Home Depot then to lose his family.

Then why not expose him to his employer? Best way to get one of them out of the situation.

You said he was the boss but dont know if he was the owner. If there is an owner most likely they will toss out the secretary rather than the money maker. Especially if he is a good worker.

YEG is right on that one. Besides it is far easier to hire a new assistant, and there are liability issues and sexual harassment issues in allowing them to continue working together.

Expose to the employer. Trust me, BTDT. To recover the marriage, he is going to have to leave that job anyway. The OW is there, and the staff knows what he did - no respect.

He called the kids to say good morning to them at 8:29am - haven't talked to him since - I know that he had an appt. this morning with a lawyer - so I am hoping that woke some sense into him - all that he will lose - He e-mailed me about our airlines miles at 4pm - then he called at 6:30pm to say good night to the kids.

He asked if he could come and see the kids on Friday - I told him that that i was concerned. FOr example he saw them last night but then he wasn't here when they woke up (which they are used to)- I said that even though they are young (ages 3 1/2 & 5 - only 18 months apart) they know something is up - mom's crying - dad is not here in the morning and my son was very aggressive today. He aggreed. I said what your going to come see them, then leave, then come back for t-ball on Sat. then watch them that night while I go to work - then leave on Sunday for your parents for a week. He said that he thought it would be better if we told them - Daddy has to go back to work tonight but will be back in time for t-ball. Then he will tell the kids he is off on a business trip.

I think it is really good that he is going up to his parents house. His best friend up there can't believe what he has done and I am hoping that they (his parents and BF) will pull him out of the fog.

When he returns I want to hear what he has to say. I think he has a lot of thinking to do esp. since he met with a lawyer and hopefully realized he is screwed. What if he wants to get his own place (which I do not know how we can afford) - he mentioned it to me last night and I told him that I would not support that beacuse I know that it would only be to carry on his affair. If he does then what - I can't stop him from doing that - do I file for divorce? I don't want to be left in limbo while he has his own place.

What is the next step once he returns?

I would find out where he is going this weekend. He is doing alot of lying about his whereabouts.

He is at a hotel - which I called last night and spoke to him - not sure about tomorrow night - Sat. night he will be at the house - which I informed him of that it will be watched (to make sure the OW doesn't come over) and Sunday he leaves.

What if he wants to get his own place (which I do not know how we can afford) - he mentioned it to me last night and I told him that I would not support that beacuse I know that it would only be to carry on his affair. If he does then what - I can't stop him from doing that - do I file for divorce? I don't want to be left in limbo while he has his own place.

What is the next step once he returns?

Fantie, I assure you he is spending his nights with the OW. If you don't believe me, drive to the hotel.

fant, he is seeing the OW but now they are just hiding it better. Don't be surprised and this is regular script behavior for the wayward.

If your H still talks about getting an apartment (code for living out his fantasy), tell him that it will be too expensive for him. Offer (but not follow through) for YOU to rent an inexpensive room or you live with a family member and he can stay with the kids. You will make arrangements to see the children a few nights a week but need to find a job so he will be with them mostly. This will be your own reverse fog babble. Say it will give both of you time apart to see what you BOTH want.

Let him stew that over for a day or so.