yea i planned on surprising her I called and she answered, sounded like she was sleeping, she said the internet and cable isnt working... whoops didnt pay the bill yet lol

ROFL!! Well then print it out, and talk to her when you get home. How early are you going home today?

ive heard of flexispy, but what is an LSA tracking key?

Im gonna try to get out of here about an hour or 2 early.

OK good luck!!

And remember, don't be afraid to kick her out, and start plan B again

I am actually really curious what she will be doing at the house when you get home, and if she is not there, call her and tell her to come home!

Google + LSA Tracking Key = Your answer

Just wanted you to know that My h and I were very young aswell when we got together,13/14, the different bond that is there and the codependency I understand all to well. My h went through the same rebelouse thing with me, however this was not a short phase like I belived or hoped it would be. This became the general way he handled himself and the conflicts within him. He might try for awhile, few months, a year, 3 years but all along mixed with the trying he tested the waters. Sometimes seeking a big reaction so that he didn't feel bad about going off. He would do things to make me happy, but they were mainly done to passify me and hold me to him.

Some of this behavior was always present, when we were younger though we didn't know how to talk things out, he would lie to go out with his friends, and then I would repremand him. He loved me deeply as a wife but at the same time veiwed me as something very different. His mother. Expecting unconditional love wich he tested at every turn, while trying to raise our family.

It has been 9 years of difficulties. What I've come to relize is this. We have uneven development as a direct result of geting together so young. We leaned on eachother for different reasons, he developed highly in one way and I in another, so we each were half developed people and that became obviouse in our early 20's when this long term affair became part of our lives.

All the plans didn't seem to work the way it did for others, plan A, plan B, I've done them several times. Of course we had children involved and that made it way more complicated. But what really played the bigest role was MATURITY.

The dinamic of our relationship allowed him outward growth, socially and within his profesion, and it allowed me inward growth. When he also was at a point of wanting inward growth aswell instead of doing things as a married man to premote that he would push me away once again as if I was the thing holding him back.

There are lots of issues at play here, and none that can be solved by me. He needs counciling, someone else besides me to explain the why's to him.

I'm telling you this so that you know your not alone, so you relize others have gone through what you have, and so you are prepared for your next step.

This is only a phase if her behavior, the whole way she looks at you and relates her frestrations of the world in relation to you. She has to learn new skills to live as a independent self regulating person who chooses to be married. And not veiw you in any way as holding her back from " life". This is not easy, she's probably been resentful for a long time.

You have to look at your situation here. You both are very young and skipped normal stages of independent growth. At the same time I bet you have a deep deep bond because of your young starting age. This is bothe very very good and very very hard!

You are already the strong one, but you must quite down the part of you that feels extream compashion, and the part of you that is scared of loosing her.

You may have a chance and you may not. I think all of this is harder ten fold with the young bond factor and you have to follow the MB plan that more closely because of that.

Plan B is a pertection to YOU! She might be freeking out and wanting to work things out out of fear of lose, but don't be fooled you are not out of the woods. She has to get into IC this is a MUST in situations like ours, do not make the mistakes I have with this. You did not meet later in life when you both were already very developed people. And some relizations may come fast for her but she may forget them just as fast, IC will be the holding hand she needs, the one you can't be because she will resent you at every turn.

If you agree to have here stay in your home she must realize there are new terms, to protect you until you feel like she is trustworthy, and that all of them will feel uncomfortable. IC she must agree to, independent social time is over for now, you guys must go out and build up new experiances, etc...

If she slips ask her to leave, and do a dark plan B again... Making IC a absolute requirement before you can ever have her come home.

Either way expect high drama! She has not developed the maturity you have so she will act like a stupid caged teenager, don't loose your cool, that's what they want, don't fall for any minipulation! You are going to get tried at every turn, this is more then a " phase" this is the way she relates to you your marriage and the world around her, she needs to grow up and this is going to take some time and alot of patience on both your parts. This dose not naturally happen! It would over a shorter time if you were not married but she doesn't have only herself to blame or only herself she let's down. This is not like others who learns through their own mistakes no no no not like that at all, she has you to blame everything on when it's convenient, you to lean on when it's convenient and she can't deal with her own feelings let alone yours.

This is going to be hard and I'm sorry you are going through this. Make sur every move you make is thought out with her, you can't let your emotions lead you with this one, they will fail you.

You need to handle your situation with a lot of confidence, your lines in the sand must be drawn.You want a wife not a daughter..

Good luck

thank you for that post newlife, I think your totally on point with that!

I have all sorts of stuff written out for the talk i plan on having with her when i get home. newlife would it be a bad idea to print out your post and let her read it?

DO NOT TELL HER ABOUT THIS WEBSITE!!

She will use it to sabotage any plan of action you might use.

Also, don't try and "Educate" her. Simply tell her what your boundaries are in your relationship.

alright, thank you, Ill update later tonight on what all happens

Yeah never tell her about the site! My h and his ow found out about it and I not only couldn't get advice online without the ow hunting me down, even posted on MB we had I belive the worst fight on MB, she also convinced my h that I was minipulating him with plans etc... I had no way to speak freely online, even took my advice I gave suffering bs's for herself to use with my h. This was many years ago, 7 however ever since my h became aware of plan a plan b well let's just say implmenting either is very hard.

In fact I'm in plan b now, not dark because of the kids, but I'm not trying to get him back so I don't care if he takes it seriously. Been seperated 9 months, have my on life, he dose try to minipulate etc sometimes I given. Like I said I'm not trying at this point I have given up. I will get a d by the end of the summer, there is no way he can't get that line in the sand. I still love him so deeply, however his patterns did not change. He is very capible of being a responsible person and consideret selfless etc with everyone else BUT ME... This is because of our now 18 years of his disfunction, and redirection. I have realized there is nothing more I can do. He will forever tell me he wants us, but is willing to do nothing to make that happen. So I'm letting him go.

You have to be tuff, keep your support here and seriously follow The MB guidlines, and don't share the mb info for some time, you are NOT there yet.

Don't be scared of my sitch, had we not had kids, things would have been way different, and if he didn't know about mb that would have been great too.

You do have a real chance here it's not hopeless, but she needs IC and you need to be kinda like a volkin, pure logic. Those things I mentioned will come out for her in IC, I know you want to speed up the whole process been there done that, can't happen. She will not be happy to find out your talking about your sitch to strangers online, they don't like that..

The only thing that worries me about IC is that the last MC I had was so terrible, im worried an IC would tell her to do even worse things. Like that she needs to worry about herself and do what it takes for HER to be happy, not US to be happy

I would worry about this as well.

Faith based counseling might be a better alternative.

Or just do MB and don't worry about IC yet.

well today wasnt a good day. i got home from work and guess what, she wasnt there. i called her and she said she was house watching for a friend until tomarrow night. so i asked her if she could come home so we could talk and she said she didnt have enough gas or any money. i asked her why she didnt ask me first and she said what are u my father? i didnt wanna blow up so i just said i had to go and hung up. i called her back about an hour later asking if shed be willing to atleast meet up somewhere and she agreed. so we met up and i started off by saying how if we were gonna stay together thered be new terms and that the way we do things right now isnt working and is hurting me. i told her somethings might sound unfair or uncomfortable but they are neccessary to us having a happy, honest relationship. i then explained how i was going to order a book and i wanted us to read it together. she said "u might be reading that one alone" i said she would also be 100% honest about everything. that the independent social life was over. that she would give up all passwords to everything. that we would spend a set amount of time together every week. and finally that she would write a letter to anyone that shes ever had feelings for, had sex with, kissed, or has feelings for her. she immediately said "no! im not doing any of that" so i calmly told her "then i need you to move back in with your parents" she said "fine!" i asked her to get out of my car. she got out and i drove off. she tried calling me about 20 mins after that but i ignored the call.

GOOD!!!

IGNORE HER CALLS!

GET HER OUT NOW!

SHE IS STILL A WAYWARD

Sorry for the Caps

But I'm actually excited about what happened...mainly because I knew she was lying HAHAHA! Have you called her parents yet?

Your doing great! Keep it up

Yes ive called her parents. their willing to be an IM but are not able to pick up my WW. but since all her stuff is already packed and in the back of her truck and shes not staying at my house im not too worried about it. hopefully shes goes back to her parents but as the saying goes "u dont gotta go home but u gotta get the hell outta here"

Good for you! I know it's really hard, belive me I know but you have to have boundries or you have no marriage. It's very hard to go through, when you still have that deep desire for them to just wake up and act like the person you exspect them to be.

My perdiction.... She will soon start freaking out that she's cut off from you, she is used to you being there loving her when it's convinent. She might do dramatic things, say horable or very loving things, anything to make sure you are still there living her.... Don't get sucked in...

Dark plan B is the only hope you have.... Maybe she will come around, but even if she doesn't plan B helps YOU be pertected from her craziness and daily disapointment...

It's important for you to at least deal with the fact that a reconsiliation may not happen. BS's who don't face this have a hard time sticking to plan B and following through when a D is a healthy choice. Remember you are just asking for resonable things to insure a healthy safe marriage for the two of you, that's all, you can't talk with her until she agrees... When you look at it like that it makes total sence. The door is closed, she has the key, if she chooses to unlock the door then your there.

Update?

YA...anything happen over the weekend?

Well I took some time over the weekend to get the house to my liking now that all her stuff is gone, I pretty much turned it into my man cave =]. I also started playing guitar again now that i have more free time. sunday I called her letting her know she left a few items and that she could stop by and pick them up. she told me that she was going to be heading out for her parents house this thursday. She asked me why i was acting like i didnt want her there, and i told her I dont want anything to do with her until shes willing to do whats necessary to ensure we have an open honest relationship. Then she told me the terms I told her about were rediculous and that I said she couldnt talk to pretty much anyone, and i told her thats not even close, i said that she could be in NC with anyone that shes been with or may have feelings for, and if she wanted to continue being friends with people of the other sex i would have to be present when their together and that our "independent social time" was over for now. She didnt really have much of anything to say after that then a few minutes later she started trying to explain more of what happened and why ( i think she was feeling guilty) she pretty much told me the same stuff though just with more details, she told me that everytime she was unfaithful she was not living with me and was trying to get over me. She said she felt like she needed to get a divorce and find a "nice boyfriend" but every guy she was with just let her down. I told her I am willing to be the person she wants to be with she just has to change her ways so we can have an honest relationship where shes not hurting me all the time. She acknowledged what I said and told me she wants us to be together and happy too but she feels like she still needs to move back home for a while and straighten herself out. I agreed thatd be best. Then she told me that she didnt want us to not talk while she was there, she said "how are we ever going to work stuff out if you wont talk to me while im gone" I didnt really have an answer to that but i just told her i need to protect myself incase she never comes back. She looked upset and asked me again if we could please talk while she was at home. I told her I would not be calling her but she could call me whenever.
Was that wrong, should I have even let her talk to me while she was getting her stuff?