It is very hard. My divorce has been final since end of November. I have highs and lows. Last night was horrible...I was awake from 2-4:30 obsessing about everthing. This week has been particularly difficult as my X is moving back in to our marital home---HIS home now that he bought me out. I kept having images of her being in the house I thought I would die in. It was overwhelming. I was near tears in the middle of the night. He isn't worth it though. She isn't either. I just do my best to redirect my thoughts and be as positive as I can.

SM, that must be hard. That shows how heartless he is and how infatuated he is about OW. It is unbelievable what they do when they are taken by the A...
I took a sleeping pill last night so I could a least get a good night sleep. I am so busy and can't afford to lose a beat. I feel so drained of energy, thinking of WH is really taking it all out of me.
I wish I did not give a rat's behind about him!
blessing

I have been praying a lot. I hope my prayers will be answered. I heard that they never go unanswered!
blessing

I am glad that you are finding peace in your prayers. I never really prayed often enough before I found this site, now it's at least twice a day.

Thing is, sometimes we don't get the answer to the prayer that WE want. And sometimes, a no is still an answer.

How are things progressing with keeping dark?

I have been the darkest in these last 3 weeks. School is over and I am in a totally different town now. I never see H.
But I am still thinking about him all the time, still in love...still hoping to R the M....still praying for him to see the light...
blessing

It's okay to have hope and to hang on to it. I am happy that you have been able to be completely dark. It WILL get easier as time passes. Focus on YOURSELF and your own personal recovery. Remember, we are always here to lend you a hand UP.

Thank you!
I am also looking into moving because once school starts again I will see H often and I can't stand the idea. I will have to find a new job but it is good I start the process.
For some reason I think itis best just to go...adn then if H wants to R the M he can always look for me and make the 1st move. I am not going to look for him.
It is up to him to show me what he really has and that he really cares...
blessing

Atena, This is the strength you are finding now within yourself. It takes time to pull it together. It has been almost 2 years from D Day for me to rebuild my inner self. I have not seen XH or PP for about 1.5 months even though we work for the same company. Interestly enough the tide has turned where it is the 2 of them that are so uncomfortable when they see me. I am not the same broken woman and they don't know how to deal with this.

I still love XH, not the creature he has become. I keep those good memories safe in my heart. But I do know that I cannot convince him to come back. These men needs to hit rock bottom, stop seeing OW and pray the fog clears.

Prayer is great. God answers all good prayers. I no longer pray for God to send XH back home. He knows that. I pray that I will trust God and praise him because He knows what is best for me.

take care. Blessings.

Atena, I haven't posted to you for a while.

I just want to say "Keep strong". It does get easier with time and it certainly gets easier when you don't see or hear from them.

To quote Hope "I no longer pray for God to send XH back home."
I feel that I am in a better place than I was before this all happened and I am thankful for that. I have no job from July and no husband but I strangely feel happier than when we lived together as a dual income couple. I feel that I can now cope with anything.

Please believe that this will happen for you to.

Do you have any travel plans for the summer? I am having a party in England at the end of July which you are welcome to come to.

TM

Thank you TravelMonkey, I wish I could come to England. Maybe at some point I will. If you plan to come to Italy I will probably be more settled during the fall even if my place is empty so really I do have room for you....
My mom came to visit me. I told her more details about WH, but I am not sure I did the right thing. She is 80 years old...
she cried a lot thinking all the suffering I had to go thru since my H first A from 2004 till now. She did not know H had another A before this one which was the fatal one.
I am not sure how much to tell people anymore. I do not know how good it does to my mom who is old and has her problems to know how much H has put me thru...what do you think?
blessing

It's an O&H thing for me. I seem to come right out and tell people when they ask. Like the other day, I had a friend who WH and I went to college with and who attended our wedding. He also worked with WH for almost 8 years, but he never met OW. He saw me the other day and said, "How is WH and the boys?" I said, "WH is having an affair with OW and he moved in with her 6 months ago." Gets it all out there. Next thing I usually say is, "I would love for him to come home, he just needs to stop his affair first." See, same message over and over again, no matter who I talk to. That way, if anyone sees WH(and I am SURE some will) they will know the TRUTH.

Your mom is worried about you. That doesn't change no matter how old you are. Think about what you would do for your own kiddo.

Atena, like you my Mom is elderly too (86).

I held off telling her till we (DD and I) for that first Christmas. She said that is why that XH no longer calls me.

She was angry which she expressed to various family members (especially that he moved us 1900 miles away and dumped his family 2 years later). She recently told DD16 that XH just walked out their lives also and never called her once again after taking him into our family for almost 25 years.

We cannot protect them. I don't bash him and I really do not talk about him to my Mom.

Recently, my Mom has been diagnosed with dementia. It has sugar coated her feelings for XH. I think sometimes she forgets that we are no longer together.
Weird how life happens.

Hi all,
I just need some help with my relationship with my son.
He is in the states and he is now at my IL for the month of july he just finished summer clases at college.
Every time i talk to him it is a huge trigger. He is kind and supportive, but there is a big pink elephant in the room, his dad, and we do not address him or talk about him.
My son now is at my IL as I said and of course my IL do not talk to me much, so he must feel that too..they used to love to talk to me.
I have to admit I sometime dread to calll him,not only now that he is at IL but also when he is at college. After I talk to him my heart hurts as if it broke again and I feel deep sorrow for him for the situation we are in and for the family that has been destroyed.
It is not the same. We were very much a close family and we both know one member is missing and we both miss him I am sure.
Any advice on what to do? Is there a secret on how to continue to have a good relationship with kids even when WH has completely checked out and is in an active A?
Thank you!
Blessing
tri

bump

I understand those pink elephants.

For your son, like yourself, this A has shattered his life too. My DD30 fell apart and felt abandoned by XH.

It was a black hole but in time it will get better. Sometimes it might be better to bring it up. Once it is in the open then it might be easier for both of you.

Your son is trying to be strong and loyal to you and since he is staying with IL I am sure he is stuck in his feelings.

It took a long time to feel comfortable in our own skin again.

When we talk about XH it is usually about the old times not the alien he has become.

In time it will become easier. Focus on your son and your relationship with him.

Breathe.

Thank you Hope.
I guess my son might secretly hope we will one day be together again. He hinted in the past that "dad is acting like a teenager but the lady he sees...he is not that serious with her I am sure.
I do not know if he said those things to make me feel better or for himself to have some hope...
I wish my WH could understant the devastation he left behind and how many people are sad because of his actions !!!
Blessing

Hi all,
I came back from a diffent city where i spent a month working. I was doing better, but I had to stop to the appartment and then triggers were right there in front of me.
I am at my brother's now as I could not bare it and bust into tears. I am not doing well and I still feel love for WH and can't bare the thought of him and OW. I have not seen him in a long while now, but I guess just seeing his bike parked in the garage (he never keeps it there so he must have gone on vacation or something...) makes me sick and miss him tremendously.
Help...
blessing

(((Atena))) I'm so sorry. Better days are ahead, hon. I'm glad you had a plan, to go to your brither's.

Well, it looks like WH moved in with OW, that was the reason his bike was in the garage. The summer rental he was using all winter long rents for much higher in the summer so I guess he is parking himself at OW's house.
Why does this never end? Hopefully him living with her and her 2 brats will give him a taste of reality.
What do you all say?
Blessing

Well, I could say that you shouldn't know these things. I don't know how you found out. You have to plug up those holes Atena. It's not about what your WH knows that you know. It is about the love that is trickling out and about you being stuck and not having the full benefit of personal recovery while in Plan B.

You HAVE to stop thinking about the two of them. I know it is hard. I slip pretty much every day. I have to catch myself though and change my thought pattern. This way, I am training my brain not to think about WH. It has been 18 years that I thought about WH FIRST in everything I did. For you, it has been longer. Don't get too hard on yourself that it is taking so long to make him NOT be the FIRST thing you think about. Just focus on the things you can control and change. That would be your actions and your thoughts.