|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704 |
Hey, Rugby, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for what you're going through. If it's not too much, would you mind telling me the name of the church and it's location?
Husband (me) 39 Wife 36 Daughter 21 Daughter 19 Son 14 Daughter 10 Son 8 (autistic)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346 |
Mark, She says she moved to divorce when I wouldn't sign the separation papers because she felt trapped, the wrong thing I'm supposed to do to her. That she wants to leave so badly, that at this point she hurts so much and is so empty, she saw no other way to get out.
ME: 48 WAW:47 Years Married: 21 Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16 D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010 Move out day: July 1st 2010
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
Get a PI or drive by the place odd hours especially at night. Odds are when a W moves out there is an OM. See this here all the time.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346 |
Kilted, The name is the Wesleyan Church of Hamburg, located in Hamburg NY. The website is www.wchamburg.org/ Check out the website extensively, especially the adult link and divorce. Why do you ask?
ME: 48 WAW:47 Years Married: 21 Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16 D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010 Move out day: July 1st 2010
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 860
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 860 |
Get a PI or drive by the place odd hours especially at night. Odds are when a W moves out there is an OM. See this here all the time. Rugby, Just so you know, TheRoad told me nearly this exact same thing about nine or ten months ago. And it was a dead-on assessment..... As you approach the move-out day, you're probably dealing with a whole slew of emotions. I know. I was there too, albeit many months ago. (My case is a little different for a few reasons -- one of which is that my kids are a bit younger -- but same general concept....) TBC
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346 |
How do you cope with the spouse moving out? As Thurs. approaches, I hurt more and more and can't make it go away. I wish my wife could understand how much I still love her, but I can't tell her for fear of pushing her away more. The stress is good for my diet though! Got to find the silver lining someplace.
ME: 48 WAW:47 Years Married: 21 Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16 D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010 Move out day: July 1st 2010
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346 |
Mark and/or TBC, If I wanted to send you my move-out letter to my WAW for you to look at and make sure I put nothing wrong in it, how can I do it?
ME: 48 WAW:47 Years Married: 21 Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16 D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010 Move out day: July 1st 2010
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,058
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,058 |
Rugby,
If you post it here you run the risk of her finding it if she discovers MB. On the other hand, posting it here will get a multitude of responses and the collective wisdom of people on the forums.
My email is in my sig line, but I don't check that one very often and I stand as much chance of giving you feedback here as I do of trying to analyze it on my own and send a reply.
Part of what makes this place so powerful is the fact that there are so many here from all walks of life and all parts of the world. We have lawyers, counselors, people of all faiths, folks who are Secular Humanists, folks who have been right where you are and maybe even people who live around the block form where you are. Schoolbus is perhaps the best at deciphering and analyzing words, others might be able to rephrase something to make it more powerful because of their writing skills.
The best advice most of us can give you on any of this stuff is to tell you to call Steve Harley and talk to him. He's the expert, we're all just concerned citizens of Marriage Builders. Steve can often tell you exactly the right thing to say when the rest of us draw a blank or worse, try to give you something that we have to make up on the spot.
Just something to consider...
Mark
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 860
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 860 |
Mark and/or TBC, If I wanted to send you my move-out letter to my WAW for you to look at and make sure I put nothing wrong in it, how can I do it? I don't know if Mrs. Rugby knows about this place, but if she does, better off not posting it here. TBC was always a transparent guy and posted nearly everything I wrote. There are some wonderful "editors" here so they would most certainly provide input in a very considerate fashion. That being said, I have to be a bit more abridged in what I post. (It's a long story.) I interact with a number of folks offline -- if one of them wants to help, they can get it to me and I'd be happy to take a look at it. Sorry you're struggling. Trust me, I know the feeling and I know it's not fun. You may find it hard to believe, but it does get easier. It just take time. Can't rush it. TBC
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346 |
Thanks guys. Talking about it helps tremendously with the pain. That and knowing that others have gone through it and made it out the other side better; some with their spouse beside them. I just hope I am one of those.
ME: 48 WAW:47 Years Married: 21 Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16 D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010 Move out day: July 1st 2010
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346 |
This site and the support help a lot. I am becoming addicted to it. Checking it every hour and soaking up as much info as possible. I have to try and find another bookstore, the one near me doesn't have "Not Just friends" or "Surviving an affair". I have read all the articles on the site and HNHN and HNHN for Parents. Anything else I should read. I am going to call and try to set up an appointment for counseling with Dr. Harley ASAP.
ME: 48 WAW:47 Years Married: 21 Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16 D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010 Move out day: July 1st 2010
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
I went to the library and borrowed "Fall in Love, Stay in Love," and "Love Busters." Then I bought them from Amazon. They are also well worth the read.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346 |
Okay, you mentioned schoolbus. Who is this and how do I contact him/her? I think that I don't want to post it; I would get more advice, but if she finds this site it could screw me. I never though of that and used my e-mail address as my member name. It would be easy for her to find my thread. Is there a way to change my member name?
ME: 48 WAW:47 Years Married: 21 Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16 D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010 Move out day: July 1st 2010
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
Notify the moderators at the bottom of the thread and ask them. They will help you out. I had to change my name too. I used a login name that I used to use on a chatline that WH and I used to frequent and if you googled it, you would find me. When you goole your name, it is on the first page right now, unfortunately. It was suggested to me to pick a name that would be too common to find quickly. That's how I got Scotland(thanx Sugarcane. )
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
BTW, schoolbus is a member here that is AMAZING. I don't know how you would contact her and how often she frequents the boards. Hopefully she will come along and give you some help.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 860
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 860 |
To make the change that you mentioned, go to 'My Stuff' and select 'Edit Profile'. You can change your Screen Name there.....
Sometimes getting a hold of one specific person can be a challenge, so you may have more luck soliciting from a larger pool of folks who are available right now. If I recall, you only have a couple days to get your letter finalized. Not my place to tell you how to handle, but time seems to be of the essence....
Is it written?
TBC
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346 |
It is written. It is one paragraph. I didn't know if it should be longer. It mentions the good times we had in our marriage. I apologize for my depression and not giving her the attention she deserved. My continuing and strengthened love for her, and that if she ever needs to talk and wants to come back I am here. Too much, not enough, or what else should I add?
ME: 48 WAW:47 Years Married: 21 Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16 D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010 Move out day: July 1st 2010
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
Please post the entire letter so it can be edited by some of the vets, who are good at this sort of thing.
You are not supposed to apologize for being depressed.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 860
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 860 |
Personally, I'd go longer than a paragraph, but then again, I can be a bit a filibuster from time to time.....
I'd say edit real names and post away. KR and I will edit. Well, she'll edit, I'll get her coffee....
TBC
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346 |
Changed name, hopefully that hides discovery. Will post and get advice.
ME: 48 WAW:47 Years Married: 21 Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16 D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010 Move out day: July 1st 2010
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
0 members (),
514
guests, and
50
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|