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I used the SAA version of the Plan B letter almost verbatim. It was funny that the vets even had corrections for that. laugh

You will get a lot more help if you post it. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by awokenhubby
Changed name, hopefully that hides discovery. Will post and get advice.

Now I've got to come up with a new name. Too bad LG's not wandering the halls since I stole the last abbreviated name from him.

Hey, what about A-Wok? Too obnoxious?

TBC



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Here is the letter with specific giveaway names and places deleted. Tear apart and suggest away.

Wife,
You are the love of my life. As this chapter closes on us, please remember all the good we have had in our lives together. The trips to Long Island, the times with (friends names here). Remember the walks in (park near house). Remember all our trips going antique hunting. All of the drives we took. Remember the great times in Florida and going to all the attractions and watching the boys enjoy our time together. Remember the fun as a family and watching the boys grow up and become special people. I am sorry for the way I ignored your needs. Please know that since I have gotten help, my love has re-awoke, I have examined my feelings, and I love you more than ever. I know where we went wrong and I am positive that we can fix the problems with help and work. Know that the door will always be open for you to come back and for us to make a happy, fulfilling marriage and life, and be the couple we once were, and better. Please don�t hesitate to call me if you need to talk and you are lonely, I am here for you, now and forever.

With all my love


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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As long as it's not wookie. I like stars wars but don't resemble one!


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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I'm workin' on it, A-Wok.....

TBC



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Okay, a few quick comments. One, this is MUCH easier to do when it's for yourself. Two, you haven't been immersed in your storm long enough to be that confident that you know how to navigate through it. Three, it's better to highlight some specific memories and not as much sappy stuff. She'll probably just recoil at the syrupy stuff. And four, if you don't like certain parts of this (or heck, all of it), feel free to toss it into the proverbial trash. I'm just trying to help. And as a word of caution, if you writing style is SIGNIFICANTLY different than this, she may see through it. I hope it helps. And one last thing, I couldn't bring myself to refer to your wife as 'Mrs. A-Wok'. That would have been just rude and obnoxious...

TBC

******************************

Wife,

This is a really tough day for me and probably no easier for you. Considering that we�re heading into unchartered territory, I want to share with you some last thoughts. As this particular chapter closes, I find myself remembering a lot the good times that we have shared together.

I remember the trips to Long Island, where we XXXXXX. I think about the times with XXX and YYY, when we ZZZ. I can�t forget the many walks in (park near house) and talking about XXX.

I think about all of the drives we took, and I smile when I think about all of our antique hunting excursions -- and that great chandelier that you found for ten dollars!

Remember the great times in Florida, going to Disneyworld, and watching the boys laugh while they rode �The Matterhorn�? The smiles on their faces and the fun we shared as a family will always be very special memories for me. Our boys are growing up to become truly special people.

I am sorry that I didn�t show a greater degree of care and consideration for your needs. Please know that I have learned a lot from this experience and believe we can build something even better going forward. We have come a long ways since we met at XXX nearly YY years ago. I don�t know where we go from here, but please know that you are very special to me, and I will always be thankful for our time together.

Love Always,
A-Wok



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I am having a problem with talking about "closing." For me, it just seems to FINAL. This really seems more like a "good-bye forever" letter. If that IS what you are intending, then disregard. I am NOT good with the letters yet. I am working on learning. Neak is AMAZING. So is Schoolbus, MelodyLane, Mark, Jim, and Mr W. I would make sure to get some of their input as well.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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You're right, I'm not in this deep enough or expert enough to be this confident, but I thought it would be good to give her the knowledge that I am confident that it will work, with effort. I also thought that if she was missing the syrupy stuff all along, that using it here might help re-enforce my change and willingness to meet her ENs. Thanks for the help. I'll keep reading for more suggestions and put them together. I need to try and get SAA tomorrow and read their letter.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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Originally Posted by Scotland
I am having a problem with talking about "closing." For me, it just seems to FINAL. This really seems more like a "good-bye forever" letter. If that IS what you are intending, then disregard. I am NOT good with the letters yet. I am working on learning. Neak is AMAZING. So is Schoolbus, MelodyLane, Mark, Jim, and Mr W. I would make sure to get some of their input as well.

Everyone's a critic..... laugh

There could be more of the "building a better M" stuff, but I just hesitated to go too heavy since he hasn't had enough time to be an expert and have answers to all of the questions.

I do think accentuating the memories and not the sappy stuff is important. My opinion, of course.....

TBC





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BTW,
Is it a severe no-no to ask her about the possibility of reconciling after time (no specific length) has passed? Her answer won't effect my own self recovery, but it may help me to steel myself up to the unwanted outcome, or try even harder to become the man she deserves.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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TBC, don't take it so personally(j/k), A-wok had it in his original letter as well. It just made me cringe a little to read it.

The closure stuff just seems to go against the point of an MB Plan B letter. It is supposed to be a last love letter. One that tells of the great love and the ability to recover the marriage and have a BETTER more fulfilling marriage in the future.

I am not an expert in the letters either and that was why I chose to go with the SAA letter.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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No worries, Scottie.....

If my creativity didn't show w/the letter, at least I get kudos for coming up with the nickname, right??

I don't think he necessarily needs to go to Plan B just because she moved out. Maybe that's why I didn't view (and construct) this letter as a Plan B letter.

TBC





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Okay, because I was a little confused about that as well. I was thinking about the fact that it would be too soon for a Plan B letter.

Is this just a remember the time when? Even if it is, I still think that there shouldn't be a "closure" word in there. Transition, separation, etc are all good. The "closure" word just sounds to FINAL to me.

I hope others will help out with whatever kind of letter that is intended. I hope that it turns into the letter that is best suited for your PLAN. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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A-W,

Gotta keep a score card around here these days to keep track of who's who...

I wouldn't make any sort of reference of the end of a chapter or anything along those lines. It sounds like a surrender to the idea of the end of the marriage.

Still assuming that she is at least considering another option, even if she hasn't yet jumped on that wagon yet, I would keep it as short as possible. She isn't likely to read much of it and if it is very much more than bout ten sentences total, she will probably toss it.

While admitting your culpability in the state of your marriage is good, don't take the fall for her wanting to leave, especially since I am still convinced she is enamored with someone already and you just haven't discovered who it is yet.

One or two instances that you remember that you KNOW she enjoyed will have more impact that a list of events that may or may not have meant as much to her as they did to you. In fact, if you even bring up something that you enjoyed but she hated, you have reinforced her reasons for leaving.

Be sure you let her know that you know that the two of you can have a great marriage,, one that is better than it ever was before and that you are ready to begin working on such a marriage at once.

Just some thoughts.

Mark

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Thanks all, I will re-read all of the suggestions and put together another letter to post up. Hopefully much better. I am more convinced than ever that is is the FLA. POS. They have now sent a series of 4 e-mails each back and forth over the last 2 days. She asks him to go for a walk on the beach because she went down to the lake for the sunset. He says okay if you hold my hand. He then replies something real sappy about each day bringing her closer to what she wants. She then asks to chat and he calls her for 29 min. I'd like to fly down there and wring his neck!!! And her mother won't believe me and says he talks like that to everyone and what is she supposed to do she's lived next door to him for 8 years. Is there anyone in Jupiter FLA. on the forum I can get to pay him a visit and expose him to the trailer park?


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 375
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Have you hired PI as was suggested here several times?
This affair is escalating and if you do not expose it, your chances will decrease greatly.

Collect the evidence and expose (incl OM-s GF) asap!


Me (FWH) 44
Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42
Married 22 years
2 Children 20 and 22 years
Last D-Day for me: May 2009
Last D-Day for her: October 2008
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I haven't hired a PI, can't afford one. We live paycheck to paycheck. Until this month my wife hadn't worked in 2 years and we lived on my salary. We had our pay frozen for 3 years and no step and have not had a contract/raise in 5 years!


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
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Okay I can't sleep, way too agitated and hurt. Actually, I'm PISSED! When do I expose? Now before she leaves? Right after she leaves? At our counseling session next Tues.? I'd like to wait a few more days. As long as she is still here, I can keep sneaking her phone and forwarding her text messages. I can keep reading her e-mails and Facebook. Once she leaves, that avenue of snooping is gone, but until then I can gather more.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
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The good news is I have something to actually fight. Her loss of feelings for me and her desire to get away you can't fight well. But a POSOM is something you can fight against. And from reading the statistics, more marriages survive after an affair than after anything else. So in a weird sense I have a fighting chance, even though it is worse.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Dec 2006
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Any signs that the OM will make a trip to NY soon? Look for that sign in the next few days while snooping. This could very well be the smoking gun.

If thats the case and you discover this EA is going PA - that will be the time to expose to everyone - kids, church , MIL etc - Do it in one big moment.

Remember to snoop - and remain in stealth mode. Run silent when it comes to talking about the OM - stay real frosty.

Ps - there is always a chance - remember you have a plan - your wife is floating one moment to another in fantasy land. Keep it up - much more to do and its still early in the game.

Last edited by rwinger; 06/29/10 12:36 AM.

Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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