H dropped by at OC apartment to see 1st grandchild and OC mother (OW had an A with was there). I was furious but we did not leave talk about uncomfortable, I was forced to sit there and be civil when you can imagine what I really wanted to do. H thinks he is justified bcause all H wanted to do was see GC. OW would not leave either by the way why should she it's the OC mother. I think H is very selfish and only cares about getting what he wants. Help, this is basically continuing to weaken an already recovering from A marriage.

Let me see if I have this strait.

You and H go to see OC (Other child born from an affair) and OC's grandchild.

OC's mother (The woman who your H had an affair with) is there, an your H thinks this is OK?

Has there ever been NC between H and OW?

I read your other post...please be clear. Your H has two children by other women...one was conceived during an A while he was married to you. That child is now 12?

The other was conceived before you met? And that's the 'other woman' you're talking about here?

People your H had sex with before you met are not OW in the way we use that term here. They are technically 'other women', but only in the sense that they are not you, and female.

Or are you saying that the mother of the 12-year-old was also there to see his first-born grandchild of another child by another mother?

I don't understand. Is this grandchild the grandchild of your husband and a woman he had an affair with 20 years ago (while he was married to you?) Or was this his first wife? How is she the OW if you guys weren't married back then?

Please clarify.

Yes I am too confused....please let us know for those who didn't follow your original thread...TY

Thanks for asking for clarification. H has two OC by 2 different women. 1st OC was born before we married and I accept that OC - no problem. 2nd OC was conceived while we were separated not divorced. 2nd OC is the same age as my middle child(COM)both are 13. Just found out last year that child was actually H. I might sound selfish but it does not feel good to know your H had you and another woman pregnant at the same time. I tried to accept the 2nd OC, however this child is very disrespectful, does not like to follow rules and has already been expelled from school twice and sent to DJJ twice for 6 months. 2 OC also does not get along with COM. As for the original post here goes: 1st incident- H, I, & COM go to see 1st OC and OC's son(H's 1st grandchild), 1st OC's mother (the woman H recently had an affair with 08-09 which caused us to separate)is there, instead of us leaving and coming back H sits and plays with GC, OC's mother (OW)stays and also does not leave. Very uncomfortable situation which makes me furious. H in my opinion has no regard for anyone but himself, just wants what he wants. 2 incident - H takes COM 2 see GC at OW's mothers house(OW sister is there also all parties know about the A, they sit and talk like its no big deal). H thinks it is ok to be around the OW and the OW's family because he only does it to see the GC. I think H only cares about himself. I decided to try to work the marriage out for our sons, however I am starting to have second thoughts because all of this drama with how he handles his relationship with OC keeps me upset and angry all the time. Not a good situation for COM but H does not seem to really care seems more concerned about OC than W & COM. H can't tolerate mistakes from W & COM but anything is okay when it comes to OC (disrespect, not returning phone calls, etc.). H also expects all his mistakes to be forgiven and accepted like they never happened. Praying about it but came to this website to get ideas on how to best deal with the situation. Tired of being upset all the time. H thinks we can be 1 big happy family, I do not see it happening because I honestly do not want to be around 2nd OC. I do not mind him having a relationship with 2nd OC because he is the father, however my only request is that he respect our marriage enough not to bring 2 OC to our home and respect me enough not to try and force me to have a relationship with 2 OC.

Ok, so he had an affair during your marriage which produced this 13 year old OC---but you just found out about the OC (and the affair that produced that child?) last year? And he ALSO had an affair in 08-09 with the mother of his child born before your marriage. And that child---from before your marriage---is the parent of your husband's grandchild?

Your husband is a seriel cheater. With no interest in real recovery.

Thanks for asking for clarification. H has two OC by 2 different women. 1st OC was born before we married and I accept that OC - no problem. 2nd OC was conceived while we were separated not divorced. 2nd OC is the same age as my middle child(COM)both are 13. Just found out last year that child was actually H. I might sound selfish but it does not feel good to know your H had you and another woman pregnant at the same time. I tried to accept the 2nd OC, however this child is very disrespectful, does not like to follow rules and has already been expelled from school twice and sent to DJJ twice for 6 months. 2 OC also does not get along with COM. As for the original post here goes: 1st incident- H, I, & COM go to see 1st OC and OC's son(H's 1st grandchild), 1st OC's mother (the woman H recently had an affair with 08-09 which caused us to separate)is there, instead of us leaving and coming back H sits and plays with GC, OC's mother (OW)stays and also does not leave. Very uncomfortable situation which makes me furious. H in my opinion has no regard for anyone but himself, just wants what he wants. 2 incident - H takes COM 2 see GC at OW's mothers house(OW sister is there also all parties know about the A, they sit and talk like its no big deal). H thinks it is ok to be around the OW and the OW's family because he only does it to see the GC. I think H only cares about himself. I decided to try to work the marriage out for our sons, however I am starting to have second thoughts because all of this drama with how he handles his relationship with OC keeps me upset and angry all the time. Not a good situation for COM but H does not seem to really care seems more concerned about OC than W & COM. H can't tolerate mistakes from W & COM but anything is okay when it comes to OC (disrespect, not returning phone calls, etc.). H also expects all his mistakes to be forgiven and accepted like they never happened. Praying about it but came to this website to get ideas on how to best deal with the situation. Tired of being upset all the time. H thinks we can be 1 big happy family, I do not see it happening because I honestly do not want to be around 2nd OC. I do not mind him having a relationship with 2nd OC because he is the father, however my only request is that he respect our marriage enough not to bring 2 OC to our home and respect me enough not to try and force me to have a relationship with 2 OC.

Thanks for asking for clarification. H has two OC by 2 different women. 1st OC was born before we married and I accept that OC - no problem. 2nd OC was conceived while we were separated not divorced. 2nd OC is the same age as my middle child(COM)both are 13. Just found out last year that child was actually H. I might sound selfish but it does not feel good to know your H had you and another woman pregnant at the same time. I tried to accept the 2nd OC, however this child is very disrespectful, does not like to follow rules and has already been expelled from school twice and sent to DJJ twice for 6 months. 2 OC also does not get along with COM. As for the original post here goes: 1st incident- H, I, & COM go to see 1st OC and OC's son(H's 1st grandchild), 1st OC's mother (the woman H recently had an affair with 08-09 which caused us to separate)is there, instead of us leaving and coming back H sits and plays with GC, OC's mother (OW)stays and also does not leave. Very uncomfortable situation which makes me furious. H in my opinion has no regard for anyone but himself, just wants what he wants. 2 incident - H takes COM 2 see GC at OW's mothers house(OW sister is there also all parties know about the A, they sit and talk like its no big deal). H thinks it is ok to be around the OW and the OW's family because he only does it to see the GC. I think H only cares about himself. I decided to try to work the marriage out for our sons, however I am starting to have second thoughts because all of this drama with how he handles his relationship with OC keeps me upset and angry all the time. Not a good situation for COM but H does not seem to really care seems more concerned about OC than W & COM. H can't tolerate mistakes from W & COM but anything is okay when it comes to OC (disrespect, not returning phone calls, etc.). H also expects all his mistakes to be forgiven and accepted like they never happened. Praying about it but came to this website to get ideas on how to best deal with the situation. Tired of being upset all the time. H thinks we can be 1 big happy family, I do not see it happening because I honestly do not want to be around 2nd OC. I do not mind him having a relationship with 2nd OC because he is the father, however my only request is that he respect our marriage enough not to bring 2 OC to our home and respect me enough not to try and force me to have a relationship with 2 OC.

Melteach.....why did you copy your post twice more?

Sorry still learning how to use the website properly.

Ah. No problem....

So how do YOU feel about your WH cheating on you at least twice in your marriage?

How did you discover the affair that produced the child? Was it when the existance of the child was made known? Or before that?

What has your WH done to facilitate recovery?

Sounds like you guys need the harleys...go to MC together with them, they will help.

With what you told us...i really don't think your H wants to do anything about it, so therefore YOU have to do something to change his mind.

Good luck

I do not like this fact and WH has actually cheated at least 5 times that I know about and can prove. The OW actually said the child was his when she was born in 1999. However, she did not sue for CS or require a DNA test, so my WH just pretended the allegation was not out there. WH got in touch with OW about the 2nd OC during the same time frame 08-09 that I discovered he had an A with OW (1st OC's mother)& OW that lived close to my job. He opened up this can of worms. I often feel he tried to find the ways that he thought would hurt me the most buy contacting the OW about the 2nd OC & having an A with the 1st OC mother because he knows I can't stand her(we all went to school together WH, me, 1st OC's mother). I feel like he likes to play mind games. WH has done absolutely nothing to facilitate recovery, he only cares about what he wants determined to cause conflict in marriage when he cant't have his way.