1. His GF needs to be informed before she makes the biggest mistake of her life by marrying that creep. I am surprised that your H hasn't already done that, which suggests to me that your H hasn't been informed of the TRUE extent of the A.

2. You didn't really answer my question. Is your H aware of the true extent of your A, i.e., how long it has been going on, how long it has been sexual, etc.?

We get this question ("How do I get-away-from/get-over my affair-partner?") a lot. It speaks to the very essence of how affairs are inappropriate emotional-ADDICTIONS. Whenever a WS asks this here, I know that he/she is internally conflicted. Examples of what the WS is thinking & feeling inside:

"I know its wrong/bad for me to be with (the affair-partner), but I am still drawn to him/her."

�I know I am hurting my spouse/family, but I enjoy the attention I get from (the affair-partner).�

�I am afraid to give up my affair-partner because I will feel empty inside w/o him/her.�

�What if I give up the affair and my spouse won�t reconcile? Then I�ll lose twice.�

�My affair relationship is wrong, but it feels better than my marriage relationship does.�

�I am fearful of the pain and loss I know I will have to go through when I end the affair.�

Let�s look at some non-judgmental/non-comdemnational FACTS:

Your affair relationship has been a fantasy that will not stand up to reality over time anyway.
Your affair relationship has damaged your marriage far more than you can appreciate right now (no matter how �bad� your marriage was before).
Your affair relationship, no matter how �good� it feels right now, is a cancer upon your life�whether marital renewal or divorce ensues.
You have ZERO chance of recovering your marriage as long as you are still seeing OM.
You must end your affair relationship COMPLETELY & PERMANENTLY no matter what.
Your marriage and your life cannot begin to heal and improve until you do so.

You asked: �What I really need help with is trying to do away with OM�. There is ONLY ONE WAY to do away with him that ever works. It ALWAYS WORKS. It never fails. You�.
1) Mail him a NC-letter that your husband reads and approves of in advance. [Yes, this means you must confess the full truth.]
2) Maintain complete and perpetual NC with him forever and without exception.

You also asked: �(how do I get) over him for good?� Here is how�
1) NC prevents OM from meeting any of your ENs anymore. You will go through a period of painful but self-limited withdrawal as these inappropriate �love deposits� are eliminated. You will automatically �fall out of love� with him and come to gradually see him for what he really was�a toxic influence upon your life. Withdrawal typically lasts 3-6 months as long as you MAINTAIN ABSOLUTE NC.
2) During this time, you turn your efforts and energies back to where they should be. Re-connect with your core values, love your friends/family, read SAA and HNHN, post here, and (most importantly) SPEND TIME WITH & FOCUS ON MEETING YOUR BH�s ENs.

The results? Your character and attitudes will change. Your feelings for OM will fade over time and your feelings for your husband will grow. You will �fall out of love� with OM and �fall back in love� with BH. You must fight through the withdrawal and take action. POSITIVE ACTIONS LEAD TO POSITIVE FEELINGS�guaranteed.

I agree...you need to talk to your husband and tell him the FULL TRUTH I know it will be hard, but you can't keep it a secret any longer, not unless you want to rebuild your marriage, keeping "part" of the A secret will only ruin any chance you have with your husband.

Second thing you need to do is tell the OMW (or in this case fiance) she needs to know what he has been doing to her. Can you do this? Can you help her get this guy far away from her as possible? If I knew that my husband cheated on me the day we met and kept at it through out my marriage I would feel cheated at life. Can't you just give her that decision on her own? If she still wants to marry him then fine, but if she doesn't find out or gets the "facts" about this man she is with she will have a long and hard relationship with this man.

Do her a favor and tell her...PLEASE!

Read the links I posted.

As a team, your husband should be included in deciding "How" to do away with the OM, as you put it.

You not including your husband in important decisions in the first place is precisely how you started having an affair.

Bring your husband here. We'll help both of you.

Currently trying to rationalize the past would be one of the xamples of current wrong behavior that I had in mind. That rationalization would be a present wrong, and fussing and 2x4s could be expected and would be quite helpful for someone who would listen and take them to heart.