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Anybody that can get their master's degree is definitely able to take care of their own bills. All you need are the user IDs and passwords and if she won't provide them, contact the companies for help getting set up with your own since she won't be on those accounts any more.

Do what you know is right to do without thought of outcome or expectation...just trust that these principles work and relax in peace in that. Above all, do not worry at all about what she will say or do, she is in crazy mode right now and the last thing in the world you need is her jerking you around with her outbursts...just let all that go. If she gets mad, don't let it affect you. If she makes promises, don't believe it, require back up/action/proof. If she cries, don't fall prey to it. If she threatens, let her. Just keep doing what you know inside you need to do and keep trusting and not worrying about the outcome.


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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38 mile bike trip! 18 miles per hour! I am calm again. I am fixing up the house because I want to. Our relationship got so bad, that whenever I did anything to the house (I turned a cape cod into a colonial, so think of the work and mess) she would complain that I made more work for her to clean up the mess, even if I wiped everything down twice. So I got so discouraged I stopped doing anything to avoid making her mad. So now I can finish all those projects and finish off the house! I am looking forward to it.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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Another morning text to wife and a picture of the dog going for his swim. I am adapting to the texting and like the fact I am communicating with her.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Jun 2010
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Is it possible to get so obsessed with changing yourself that you can overdo it? I am working out like crazy to dull the pain and I am losing weight like crazy and really getting fit. I like it and want to continue. I haven't lost strength or energy, but I am worried that I could be overdoing it. It really helps me cope, but can I be overdoing it. I am eating well for the most part. It could just be that I haven't worked out every day in years and my body is responding well to the old regimen. I always was very quick to get fit and lose weight.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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As long as you are liking the way you feel then I would say keep doing it. Plan A is about making you into the BEST YOU possible. THAT is IT. The fact that the WS sees these changes is the bonus. You are making yourself into a great person and spouse. Whether your WW comes to her senses is up to her. Take care of yourself and reap the rewards of a well executed Plan A. It builds confidence and a greater sense of self worth. Keep it up.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Quick question. The wife moved out on Wed. and hasn't been back. She still has some large pieces of furniture in the house and in the garage. They are in the way for me bringing in replacements. I assume it is a LB to ask her about when she will move them, but how long do I have to work around them?


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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Originally Posted by awokenhubby
Quick question. The wife moved out on Wed. and hasn't been back. She still has some large pieces of furniture in the house and in the garage. They are in the way for me bringing in replacements. I assume it is a LB to ask her about when she will move them, but how long do I have to work around them?

You should just explain to her -- in a congenial way -- that you are trying to organize the house and was wondering if she still wanted these particular items, and if so, when she planned to pick it up.

Short. Direct and to the point. Non-confrontational.......

TBC







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And even in a Plan A move, you could ask her if she needed any help moving them. You would help her of course. laugh

I know this is HARD. It WILL get better, as long as you stick with the plans, I PROMISE.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Okay, I went to her work at the pool to bring her mail from the house and to talk to her about some matters with the boys. I tried to keep it light and pleasant. I complimented her. I brought the dog because I know she misses him. She still tried to take everything I said and make it an attack against her or a reason to get mad at me. So I just said give me a call and we'll talk later. However she said she wants to go grocery shopping, because she has a big discount coupon and she took all the coupons from Sunday's paper and never shopped before she moved out. So she wants to buy us food and bring it over. Is this typical cake and eating it too? She said she will get her car off my insurance in a few days. More separation of finances.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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BTW, some of these things she bought specifically for the new apartment so I know she wants them. With the way she is right now, I know that even asking about them would set her off. She is so angry and bitter that anything I say she take wrong. It has been this way for years, hence why I stopped talking to her.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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Not talking to her because she will be angry is a bad move. Are you willing to leave the stuff in there forever? If you want to know what her intentions are with the furniture, you ask her. Just don't engage in relationship talk and don't love bust and you will be within your Plan A parameters. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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So she came over with the groceries. She was mad that I told the brothers about her EA. They are pissed off at me. They don't want to know about our personal problems. The younger brother sent me a terse, nasty e-mail. I get the real impression that telling them was a big negative. It didn't help my cause, and if anything made me look more of the unstable bad guy. She still insists it was just a friendship to help her with her loneliness after she decided to leave me. She also made the comment that if I want to win her back I need to stop with telling people about the EA because it is driving her farther away. I am so confused. Maybe I read to much into it, but 9 pages? She said her life was run for so long by 3 men, that now she wants to run it for herself. I plan on keeping up with the Plan A.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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I think she is really torn by my changes. She sees them and has said that I might be able to change over night, but it took her a long time to get here and she needs time to heal. She also made the comment that how does she know that I won't stop this new me and go back to ignoring her and not talking to her. I just told her, now that I am out of the depression and emotionless person I was, I will never go back to that. I told her I have to keep sending her the texts because I need to communicate with her. She said that she wants to talk about things with the counselor because we will have a neutral party present who can mediate and hear both sides. I think that is very promising. BTW, I didn't start the relationship talk, she did, and I tried to keep it positive. It has only been 4 days since she moved out and I think her feelings are still hurt and raw. Maybe 2 weeks until our next counseling session will be good.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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Originally Posted by awokenhubby
Is it possible to get so obsessed with changing yourself that you can overdo it? I am working out like crazy to dull the pain and I am losing weight like crazy and really getting fit. I like it and want to continue. I haven't lost strength or energy, but I am worried that I could be overdoing it. It really helps me cope, but can I be overdoing it. I am eating well for the most part. It could just be that I haven't worked out every day in years and my body is responding well to the old regimen. I always was very quick to get fit and lose weight.

It's very possible you're overdoing it, because it is a tendency for BSs to overcompensate for what they perceive to be any shortcomings in their life that may have helped lay the groundwork for the A.

It really doesn't matter at the end of the day. You're going for personal improvement, and as long as you're enjoying your results and not injuring yourself you're doing fine.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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She is mad at you for telling her brothers about her EA simply because it takes away some of the high that she gets from the addiction. She doesn't want to have other people watching her while she gets high, it feels icky.

Her brothers getting nasty about your exposure is not a surprise, a lot of people react that way. This seems very counter-intuitive to other people. Most BSs find it counter-intuitive when they first get here. Many times people will say, "Why are you telling everyone? Your problems should be kept private." Also, other people may have known about the affair and now are being exposed as well.

Just keep on improving yourself and continue with a GREAT Plan A.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by awokenhubby
I think she is really torn by my changes. She sees them and has said that I might be able to change over night, but it took her a long time to get here and she needs time to heal. She also made the comment that how does she know that I won't stop this new me and go back to ignoring her and not talking to her. I just told her, now that I am out of the depression and emotionless person I was, I will never go back to that. I told her I have to keep sending her the texts because I need to communicate with her. She said that she wants to talk about things with the counselor because we will have a neutral party present who can mediate and hear both sides. I think that is very promising. BTW, I didn't start the relationship talk, she did, and I tried to keep it positive. It has only been 4 days since she moved out and I think her feelings are still hurt and raw. Maybe 2 weeks until our next counseling session will be good.

I don't like the victim tone I'm hearing about your WW. I worry that, slowly, she is easing you into feeling guilty about her A.

I don't think she needs time to heal. YOU do. And her feelings are still hurt and raw?? Who chose to have an A, here? Her or you?? Am I missing something that would put these "WW as Victim" comments in context?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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MB,
I am saying this based on her emotions and reactions to anything I say to her. I know she is not the victim here. She chose to have this EA. She chose to leave me. I am saying these things because of how hurt and empty she was to turn to the affair. To see her face and body language when she talks about the last few years together tell tons. It is still wrong what she did, but my ignoring her and not communicating with her put her there. I was wrong for my lack of connection with her to put her there, but she still chose to do what she wanted. She claims it didn't start until after she decided to leave me, but I don't believe her. I still hold the EA responsible for her refusal to try MC and put us where we are.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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Originally Posted by awokenhubby
MB,
I am saying this based on her emotions and reactions to anything I say to her. I know she is not the victim here. She chose to have this EA. She chose to leave me. I am saying these things because of how hurt and empty she was to turn to the affair. To see her face and body language when she talks about the last few years together tell tons. It is still wrong what she did, but my ignoring her and not communicating with her put her there. I was wrong for my lack of connection with her to put her there, but she still chose to do what she wanted. She claims it didn't start until after she decided to leave me, but I don't believe her. I still hold the EA responsible for her refusal to try MC and put us where we are.

So, in the last few years she was telling you she was hurt and empty? The EA wasn't a surprise, then? Can you honestly agree that you were ignoring her cries for attention? Were there really times when she would plead for you to communicate with her, and you shut her down? I'm not trying to argue with you - I'm trying to get a handle on this.

I'm glad to hear that you don't believe that bit about the EA starting after she decided to leave you. That typically isn't the case, and most waywards will say that to purify their A.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
So, in the last few years she was telling you she was hurt and empty? The EA wasn't a surprise, then? Can you honestly agree that you were ignoring her cries for attention? Were there really times when she would plead for you to communicate with her, and you shut her down? I'm not trying to argue with you - I'm trying to get a handle on this.


Something you need to know awoke...WS rewrite history! laugh I told my husband I was unhappy for 3 years...and in reality it was all a lie! The only time I was unhappy is DURING the EA, before the EA's I was VERY happy! But the guilt usually gets to us, so therefore we always rewrite history and blame our S because they "ignored" us bla bla bla...fog babble!! Trust me, she is lying about everything, do not believe her, she is a wayward and will lye to justify what she is doing.

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Looking back now that I am out of the fog of the depression, I did ignore her. I was afraid to communicate with her for fear of getting into an argument. That is not a good way to live for either of us. she did tell me at times that I never tell her anything. She was/is mad at my sister because she knew more about what was going on in my life than my wife. I could talk to my sister and not be afraid of getting belittled or getting into a fight. I never knew how to not LB when this happened, so I didn't take the chance of starting a conversation. I spent a lot of time in the study on the computer so I didn't have to be around her. This made for a crappy life for both of us. It didn't bother me as much because I was in depression and had little for emotions. WS is always full of emotions (that's one of the things I love about her) and this really tore her up.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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