Definitely hoping and praying that all is worked out with your H, writer. None of us are perfect, but we should all try to improve, especially when the shortcoming is as glaring as this one...
Glad he's going to some counseling. Hold firm on that boundary...

Hugs writer.

Im am glad H is willing to go get some help with anger and I hope it will lead to some other counselling for him also. He is able to change if he is willing. All youguys could use some sound optimistic support right now.

In my prayers

So what.

He made a phone call. After hours. Then at Lunch maybe today.

The staff will be at lunch too.

Writer: He NEEDS TO DO THIS.

You minimized his abuse AGAIN in your very next post:

This is indicating that you percieve all this as NORMAL.

It is NOT.

And if the Employee Assistance Program doesn't cover it, it doesn't get him off the hook. And it porbably WILL NOT cover it. He needs to find a program and DEAL WITH IT.

This is where setting boundaries and keeping to them start to make a difference in your LIFE.

THere have been none, and anything goes. You going to a better place, so stay on the road.

LG

Hi Writer, Thinking about you....how are things going?

Hanging in there. It's going to be a busy couple of days. We met with the lawyer last night and he gave us a list of things we need to do, so now we have homework. The lawyer seems to think that the judge is not leaning toward a prison sentence for our son, so that's something. He's worked with this judge a lot, and apparently very few cases that end up in his court actually go to trial. I'm really hoping this will all be over soon, but the uncertainty is still hard to deal with.

My mom is being released from the hospital tomorrow. Even though the cast won't come off for a few more weeks, her insurance only covers 30 days of rehab. So, we have to go over and try to figure out how to carve a path through her extremely dirty and cluttered house so she'll be able to get around in the wheelchair and walker. We're looking into Meals on Wheels and home visits by a nurse as well. It's hard being so far away, because I can only do so much. And I feel like I'm neglecting so many things with my own house/family.

Life has to become more sane eventually, right?

Hi Writer-
How are things going?

Okay for now. Thanks for asking.

We had a run-in with my 18-year old son's accuser at the mall yesterday. Always a pleasure. I'm hoping we don't get in trouble over this, since my son was walking around with his younger brother while my H and I shopped for clothes for my SIL's wedding. Technically, our home supervision order doesn't state my son literally has to be standing right next to me everywhere we go, and I'm hoping the judge will respect the fact that no 18-year-old boy wants to go bra shopping with his mother. We were in the same mall, but not the same store. My son saw her first, and she turned on the hysterics, burying her head in her arms and bursting into tears as soon as she saw him. We saw her later (I didn't even know she was in the mall at the time because my son didn't call and let me know he'd seen her) and she wouldn't even look at us, but I know she saw us. I don't see how she expects everyone to believe she's so traumatized just by having to see my son when she managed to go to school with him everyday for 2 months after this alleged incident occurred and she was perfectly fine. I'm so ready to be done with all of this. I haven't talked to the lawyer in awhile, but I'm going to call him today and let him know about the run-in.

Right now, we're just getting ready for the wedding on Friday. Lots of stuff to do. My mom is home and doing okay, but we pretty much have to go out there every weekend and run errands for her and help her out. It doesn't leave much time to get stuff done around here.

As far as the anger management stuff goes, nothing much happening there. Other than the phone call, my H hasn't taken any other steps to resolve the issue. He said he was going to the bookstore today to look for a book. We had a couple of arguments over the weekend, but they didn't escalate too far thankfully. We had some "alone time" too, and that was nice. I had to break the law (i.e. leave my son home alone for a couple of hours) to get it, but what can you do? It's been 3 months, and it's sort of hard to take him everywhere we go. I think my Love Bank is fairly empty right now. It's just tough to deal with so many different problems at once.

I'm so sorry there hasn't been much improvement, and I certainly wish a pox on that girl and her family. (Alas, my wishes don't carry much weight...)
Your son will survive this--just think about how far you've come from when this first broke...
Sadly, I'm disappointed to hear your husband's reaction to the anger stuff. This is the classic abuse cycle---big blow up, big empty promises, no follow through.
A BOOK? Seriously? He thinks A BOOK is going to solve this problem? Hun, this is a ticking timebomb. I really wish he's see how serious this is... but unless you push him, he won't. I completely understand that you have other things on your mind, and don't have energy to focus on this, but it needs to be a priority for both of you. The next escalation could be more serious, and do you really need the police involve with your son's legal case still unresolved? I'd say no.

Hope you have a nice holiday, writer!

Thanks Ima. You too!

Getting ready to go to my SIL's wedding tonight. Busy, busy, busy.

Hope you had a good weekend, writer!

We did, thank you.

We went to my SIL's wedding on Friday, which was beautiful. On Saturday, we drove up to apple country for a hometown jamboree. Sunday, we went to the park and watched a fireworks show. Busy, busy, busy.

Now, we're gearing up to go back to court on Thursday. I'm nervous, because we haven't spoken to the attorney in a couple of weeks, so I'm not sure what's going on with our case. We have a call in to him though, so hopefully we'll here something back soon.

Fingers crossed for your court date!

Just got back from court where .... nothing happened .... again. It was supposed to be our pretrial hearing, but the date got moved back to July 19, with the trial date (tentatively) scheduled for July 29.

One interesting development did occur after we left the courtroom. We were in the hallway near the stairs talking to the investigator that works for our attorney and the "victim" and her family walked by. Her dad starts yelling at us right there in the courthouse, telling my son to "man up" over and over again before his wife can steer him down the stairs. This after the judge specifically ordered that neither of our families are allowed to have any communications with each other at all. Luckily, our investigator and several court employees were witnesses, and the investigator said we now have grounds to get a restraining order. He's going to inform the attorney about what happened and get on that. Her family is totally crazy. I so want this to be over.

I'm so sorry writer. I would definitely take steps to deal with what the father did.

Well, what would you expect the parents to be like? If the daughter is bizzare, she probably learned it from the looney parental units. Sorry for you and your fam!!!!!

Yeah, I knew her parents were crazy. I'm just happy that they're starting to express their craziness in public, in the courthouse no less, where there are plenty of witnesses. Stuff like this certainly isn't going to help their case, but it may help ours, so in that respect, I welcome it.

Thinking of you today, Writer. Isn't this the next court date?

Thanks.

Today was supposed to be our pretrial hearing, but our attorney was sick, so another attorney sat in for him. Apparently, this means we have lost our opportunity to have a pretrial hearing, so the case goes straight to trial. Trial date is set for July 29th.

It isn't looking good. According to what I have been told by various people in the legal field, a case only goes to trial for one reason - the DA is pretty sure they can get a conviction. I can't talk to our attorney until tomorrow, so I don't know anything for sure, but it's looking like there's a fairly good chance that my son will be convicted.

I have no idea what to do at this point. We will incur another $5000 in attorney fees if the case goes to trial. We haven't even paid off all of the last $5000. He wants $850 a month, which is about a third of our take-home pay right now. If we can't come up with some more $$$ fast (yeah, right) we'll probably have no choice but to go to trial with a PD.

Things just feel so hopeless right now. I'm so tired of fighting this. It doesn't seem to do any good anyway. In cases of he said/she said, it's pretty apparent that her word is taken over his pretty much every time.

So sorry about this, Writer. I can't believe your attorney took your money and then didn't even show up for pre-trial. Is there any recourse there? That seems even worse than what the PD did. I'm not a legal expert, so I can't offer anything there. I'm really sorry you have all this in front of you, though. Did you do the lie-detector thing?