I would not let my son go on a vacation with a family that tore MY family apart!

No. I wouldn't let him go. I totally think your WXH is bluffing. He is a lazy man. Wants to take the easy road. Has already complained about his financial sitch.

Even if he does the completely unexpected, and has his lawyer calls yours, I'd make him go all the way... Let him fork over the court costs, and embarrass himself in front of a courtroom over his adultery.

If he wants to "win" this one, let him pay for it.

Good. Let his calls go to voice mail. And reply to him w/ as few words as possible via email...text messaging might get you sucked into arguing w/ him.

If he leaves you a message saying he called his laywer about the trip. No response is necessary.

If he asks you if he can pick your son up at 8 instead of 9. Reply. "Fine"

Cut the boy (XWH) off from you. Why should he still be able to get his SW fix?

That is too
FUNNY !

Thank you! I have handled myself ok the last few days with ds. Last night when I was trying to get out of him how he feels about the water park trip with his dad...at one point he said, 'so this conversation is about OW?' I said, 'no, it isn't about her at all...other than that is why I don't want you to go....what this conversation is about is how YOU feel about not getting to go. Are you upset by it?' He said no...and he seemed sincere....he basically can take or leave his dad...I reiterated last night that I am NOT trying to keep him from his dad....and that I'd be happy to let his dad take him on vacation...but I just don't want the woman who destroyed our family to be involved in that. He honestly seems ok with my decision....not that a 10 year old's feelings are the deciding factor in this type thing...but I want to make sure he isn't viewing me as a crazy vengeful mom.

Ok, Pep, THAT is hilarious...she IS a thief...didn't think of that until now...LOL

That is what I want to do....make him go all the way if it is so important to him to have his OW around ds for vacation....

Gotta figure out how to handle it with a judge though...want to have a reasonable explanation for why I would not allow it under our custody agreement....guess I could say I am concerned about ds being on overnight trips (even with seperate sleeping quarters) with a woman with such poor morals.

I would have your lawyer argue that you do not want to morally confuse your son. That this woman was the cause of your family's break up and that you think it is asking too much of your son to be be forced to spend time w/ her.

It was priceless and yes she is a thief. Lock up the husbands.

Smiling, stop overthinking this.

You were right the first time.

Say No to vacation with OW. No more explanation to your DS or XH.

Let your XH get an atty but as others have stated he will probably be too lazy or want to pay out the additional money.

Rent some video games for your DS while XH is away, go to a park, plan special time with one of his interests. Don't compete just be the great mother you are.

IMO I would not bring stuff to OW father. If he could not stop the A, he won't be effective in anything but stirring up more DRAMA. OW thrive on this. Don't worry her parents know and most cases can't reason with these self-entitled POS.

Be still, very still. Pull up a chair, grab some popcorn, the karma show will be starting soon.

And what is just as funny is the neighbor husband saying (to all those present at his cook out) 'I don't want him (my Xwh) near my wife.'


Ok. Advice will be taken. Thank you all.

SW,

Their relationship is actually partially thriving because of the drama YOU feed it.

When you go to her parents, it allows the two of them to have:

1. A mutual enemy
2. Something to focus on for a goal
3. A common conversational topic
4. A sense of unitedness and purpose


These same things occur each and every time you add to their drama circus. When you argue with hime, when you fight with her, when you contact her parents, when you say things to your kid that gets back to him/them...all of it.

So, the less contact you have with him/them, the BETTER. Do not feed the dragon, and the fire will burn out.

They will get tired of talking about the times you "used to" bug them...used to call or text...used to fight...used to call her mom and dad.............


And they won't have anything to talk about, to DO. They won't be waiting out in the driveway for you, because YOU AREN'T COMING. They won't be waiting for your texts, because they aren't coming. Get it?

When the drama dries up, THEIR RELATIONSHIP NO LONGER HAS ANY DRAMA THAT IS CENTERED AROUND YOU.

What do you think is the "next drama"???????????


Yep. One that they make on their own. One of them cheats, or one of them gets the ILYBINILWY speech, or something else. But it isn't about YOU.

The relationship - for what it is worth - implodes. Mostly because it contains TWO drama queens, and that's the truth.


Decrease your contact to a virtual Plan B, as much as you possibly can.

Watch those two destroy each other - from AFAR.


SB

Thught a lot about your post above. Talked to OW's BXH last night (we have not talked for months until this vacation crisis). He really wanted me to go to her dad...which I tried to do on Sunday but couldn't find them home. Last night we both figured out the desire to show her dad stuff was more vengence than concern for my ds. I guess my justification was that if her dad hates my WXH enough he will make it miserable for OW/XH. OW's BXH was able to give me alot of insight into what is going on with her and XH....she is definitely driving this train, trying to boss my XH around about our son. And BH says she is a nag. She will pester and pester him about this stuff. I can see for sure that has been what has happened with this waterpark thing...he asked me a week or so ago and I said no. Then on Saturday when she is there at his house he TELLS me he is taking ds. I said no. He called me Monday to tell me if I don't let ds go he is going to take me back to court. It is her pushing this....so I must try and be calm and not give either of them any fuel to say, 'see, she is unreasonable and crazy.'

I didn't hear anything from my attorney yesterday. So I dont know if it is just because XWH's attorney is out of town or if XWH has backed down. I am really nervous about this evening....it is normal visitation..will he try to take ds and go anyway? Should I be at his house at 5:30 per the visitation schedule? Should I NOT go and wait to hear from him and tell him, 'oh I thought you were going on vacation this evening...didn't think you would be in town for visitation.' To take ds off out of town while he has him for Wednesday visitation will be tricky and nervy for him...ds will have no clothes, ds won't be prepared for it, ds will be upset at being caught in the middle..ds has plans for tomorrow night. I don't know what to do and I"m trying to prepare myself for the possibiity that he will just take him tonight.

However, SB your post has really given me pause in general. I HAVE to deal with this vacation thing...I am going to stand my ground on it. However, there will be no more discussion from me on it unless I have to explain it to a judge. I am going to go as dark as possible and try to NOT think about them. It is possible they will destroy themselves...or not...but I have to protect my own sanity and not give them any satisfacation in being upset.

BH did tell me that his XH has NEVER encountered anyone like me...that he knows she is very intimidated by me and furious that I won't back down and roll over on these issues that involve ds. So that is why she is pushing WXH to do SOMETHING to stick it to me...the vacation, or legally, or threatening to take me back to court.

Trying to mentally back away from the situation. If only I can get through this evening without any drama....so nervous about it all.

Nervous as a cat about this evening...anyone have and advice about what I should do? Regular visitation says I am to have ds10 at XH's house at 5:30 and he brings him home at 8:30. But I know he has this vacation planned with OW and is suppose to be leaving after work...The last contact I had with XH was MOnday when he said he was going to get an emergecy hearing and force me to let ds go....

So should I assume he is going to be out of town and just skip visitation and wait and see if he hears from me? Should I show up at his house at 5:30 to leave ds for visitation and see what happens?

Ugh. I don't know what to do.

Were any of these exchanges done by text message? If so, then I would just NOT take DS to visitation and then if WXH files a motion for contempt, you can show the Judge the text and explain that you honestly believed WXH would be leaving for vacation today. Since you didn't give your permission for WXH to take DS out of town, you assumed that the visitation was canceled, since WXH never contacted you again to tell you any differently. I think you'd be okay. The Judge may slap you on the wrist, but I don't see you getting in any trouble for this.

They were by text but I erased them all! Of course HE may keep them because I think he is going to use them as proof he gave me notice...so yeah, I think I will just skip visitation....if he calls me I will just say, 'oh you told me you were going on vacation so I assumed visitation was cancelled.'

Or if you really want to be thoro you can always stay in the car after dropping him off, just to make sure they don't take him with em.

But then again....I wouldn't want to see that destructive family anyway...better to stay home just in case ROFL!

If he calls and insists on having him for tonight I will definitely being going to visit my neighbor across the street for a while...;) And making a show of writing down his tag number on his truck.

MWHAHAHAHAHAA....(evil laugh)

You should have his tag number already. No joke!! You never know what a WS with a psycho OW is capable of doing.

SmilingWoman for confirmation of facts, send him a text

Confirmation of no visitation tonight because of you leaving for vacation?

In that way you have backup that he did or did not respond.

Good luck

Agree with princess meg, judge will only slap on wrist.