Hi all I just found this site 5mins ago and i need help . I will warn you this will be long.ok here goes: my wife and i met almost 3 years ago and couldnt get enough of each other from the start and 7months into it we were 3 months pregnant.
Everything was still going great we were both happy and in love and proud soon to be parents albeit nervous . skip ahead a little and i was going to every dr appt with her we were both excited .
After she had our daughter in nov of 08 was when things started going down hill . I now had a family to take care of and was working 18 hours a day 5 sometimes 6 days a week untill christmas , then i got laid off for a month , when i went back in feb work was slow, to the point that i was making more on unemployment than I was working . With a baby and a wife to take care of we were struggling to make ends meet and bills were piling up and not getting paid just so we could have food and everything our daughter needed . WE were both stressed out and arguing more.
Then in july it happened ,I went into work one morning and all the trucks were gone I called the owner and our dispatcher only to be told by the dispatcher that the company i worked for was no longer in opperation or hauling their freight . I came home told her the news and got on the computer to start looking for another job . She told me to look at my myspace page because she had changed a few things on it for me .Myspace was already on the screen because she just got off started looking and realized it was hers after I read a message from another guy, sent to her and then i seen her reply , it said in short that she assumed he was no longer interested and it was ok if he found someone else and she understands if he did. I confronted her about it and she lied right to my face and tried saying that he was a friend from school .funny seeing as how he was 10 years older than her and every message i found on there between the 2 of them there was not one mention of me , it was only her having probs paying the bills and taking care of her daughter.I had the cell phones both turned off because she had given him her number.
Through all of this she was beyond mad at me and changed all her passwords saying she couldnt trust me that I was snooping and didnt want her to have any friends.
I thought after a while we had finally worked that out and it was over but i was wrong because not only does she still have him in her contacts on her email but I found a email from a guy today that she just wrote on june 17th stating she liked his pics and now owed him a few one of which I found at the bottom of the page which was a shirtless pic of her.
I confrontyed her about it tonight and for about 10 mins she denied it saying that she was having a prob with her email acct lately and was finding weird things. our computer does not have any pics of her like that in it because she wont do that for me because she says she isnt comfortable with it . I told her that I wasnt stupid and after 3 years i knew what she looked like even though her face was not in the pic. she finally admitted to it saying it was stupid and she just wanted the attention.I told her she has a choice to make Either change or leave I keep our daughter and she leaves with her clothes and her belongings when her dad moves on the 15th because I forgave her the 1st time and im not doing it again unless she is willing to put the effort in to this marriage to make it work. All I got was an ok from her . Im at my whitts end and dont know what to do anymore .
Im tired of getting snapped at constantly and having her snap at our now 19mo old and blowing up at us both over everything and blaming it all on being depressed and me not giving her any attention or new clothes and not having a job.
Everything has been blamed on me snooping ,I need help my only thougt now is working and dealing with it for a year so i can save some money up and kick her out then quit my job and find something to where im home every night and can take care of my daughter by my self. This is tearing me up inside I cant trust her anymore and want our marriage to work but at this point it seems hopeless please someone give me a direction to take this , than k you all sorry for the legnth

Welcome, oc. Sorry you have to be here, but you've come to the right place.

My first suggestion to you is to start reading the articles on here. There are a lot of them, and they are all very instructive.

Some of the things you'll read will initially sound counter-productive. The main thing you'll need to do is expose your WW's A. (Affair - that's what it is, regardless of whether it's an Emotional Affair (EA) or a physical one. (PA) You'll find out more about exposure on this site.

Understand one thing: you are in no way responsible for your WW having an A. That was a choice she made all by herself, and she owns it. Right now she's trying to blame you for "making" her have an A. You, as her H (husband) are perfectly within your rights to see the contents of any social networks she's on, any email accounts she has, any cell phone calls she makes. You should know all of her passwords and she should have yours.

She is confusing privacy and secrecy. There should be no secrets between a H & W. And privacy has only a limited place - for example, bathing and using the bathroom.

Start reading. You'll be back with questions. We're here to answer them.

DO NOT tell your WW about this site. This site is a tool for YOU to kill your WWs A. Tipping her off will cut off a huge resource for you.

Sorry you are here...I would start reading this thread...

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

READ!

Are you married?

Nothing against anyone here but im sorry im here too . This isnt exactly how I pictured my life or marriage going .I will tell you my plan is already in action I have disabled all user accounts on the computer except for the addministrator acct. which now has a password so no one except me can use the computer at all atleast not without me knowing and supervising .
I have also decided that I will start saving money so if it happens again I will have the money to live off of for a while untill i can find a job that gets me home every day to take care of my daughter . Atleast thats part of it im still working on the rest .I would like to see us both get help and work through it but im not sure it will work because she is dead set on divorce and refuses to talk to anyone and keeps telling me to find someone else so at this point im not even sure she still loves me . She doesnt want to change anything even though im willing to work it out so we can be happy again.

ok as an update we had a nice conversation today after her being mad and deleting all her email accts. she wants to work on things now and i caught a glimpse of the girl i fell in love with. It was great. I know its still going to take time and alot of work but after my last post something in her changed and she almost started crying and hugged me . she has signed up for a self esteem site because she does have severe self esteem issues . I know its too soon to tell but other than this morning today was much better and i did see a change in her after she really thought about things

OCB,

Prepare yourself for massive disappointment. There is no improvement. She is doing what is called "gaslighting". She's telling you something in the hopes you don't notice what she's still doing.

Your snooping has only driven her underground. I know because I dealt with a nearly identical situation you're dealing with.

A little snooping on my part discovered that she covered her tracks, setup another myspace account, and was trying to communicate with men again.

Your best option is to find out who this man is, confront him, tell his wife if he has one, tell your family and her family and anyone else who may put pressure on the affair to end.

I know you're smart enough to know not to trust what she said about her pictures. There's nothing dumb about what she did and computers don't just "do weird things".

She is lying to you right now.

I know because I've seen your story a thousand times on this site and I lived it myself.