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A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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![[Linked Image from myemoticons.com]](http://www.myemoticons.com/images/occasions/general/it-s-a-boy.gif) congratulations!!!!!! ![[Linked Image from myemoticons.com]](http://www.myemoticons.com/images/people/babies/baby-smiley.gif)
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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I've been on vacation. Just saw your thread.
Congrats NP!!
You haven't posted in a while so I hope you and Lil Bean are still doing good.
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I've been on vacation. Just saw your thread.
Congrats NP!!
You haven't posted in a while so I hope you and Lil Bean are still doing good. Yeah, I was thinking about you, too, NP. I know it's crazy-busy with a new little one, but I hope you can get back to posting when things settle down a little.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Congrats on your baby boy!
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Congratulations NP!! Hope all is well and you and baby are fine.
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Haven't had time to get on the computer since DS was born but I am posting this from my phone. Yesterday WH wanted to take DD out and I asked him if he was meeting OW, just to be sure and bc he's been withdrawing from me. It turned into a big fight and he disappeared and didn't answer his phone for 8 hrs....and he had DD with him.
When he finally called me back, he said he had gone to OW's house (WITH DD!!) because he was so sick of me, and asked her if she thought they still had a chance. Of course the tramp said yes. I can't believe he'd do this with a 1 wk old son!
Part of me felt like this would happen, like he was just waiting for the baby to be born and then he'd leave. So, all of you who warned me - I should have listened.
I am absolutely sickened and heartbroken. So so so heartbroken.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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You need to protect yourself and the kids.
Seek legal advice.
Financial protection for you and kids.
And, ask if it is possible for you to get an order to prohibit the kids from visiting OW.
Does not hurt to ask.
SEEK LEGAL ADVICE !
Getting mad or upset will not be proactive and improve your situation.
Have a PLAN.
And, have a BACK UP PLAN too.
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((((NP)))
You knew there was a risk he just wanted to be there for the birth. Think of that as your finest plan A moment. You need to protect yourself legally, financially and emotionally. Do you have your PBL ready? Do you have a IM? Make sure with the legal stuff you get it set up that your WH cannot bring your children around the Ho anymore.
I am so sorry.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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When he finally called me back, he said he had gone to OW's house (WITH DD!!) because he was so sick of me, and asked her if she thought they still had a chance. Of course the tramp said yes. I can't believe he'd do this with a 1 wk old son! BTW, this is total bull. His blameshifting is typical wayward stuff. You listened to your gut and it was right. He just got busted is all.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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He is refusing to leave the house too, which is the worst of all. He says that until we have a separation agreement signed, and either the house is sold or his share has been bought out, he will not leave. I said I could have all that done by Sunday (I can borrow money from my family to buy him out) and then he said he didn't have to accept the money and he wasn't going to leave until he was ready to.
I am definitely going on Monday to speak to a divorce lawyer and will get legal counsel.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Posts: 35,996
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I suggest that until Monday rolls around, you pretend WH is invisible. I doubt you have any plan A Mojo left. So, it 's better he be invisible than you bite his head off. And, by that I mean ... better for YOU. Less stress. If he speaks to you, you say "I don't know." to everything. If he talks to OW on the phone in front of you, you turn the volume HIGH on some music. I always worry about new mommy BWs. The stress spills over onto the newborn. Come here and VENT your heart out! 
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 I couldn't help myself. I KNOW, KNOW, KNOW not to write to OW, have counselled people on here not to, and yet...I did. As soon as I found out WH had been over there I texted her husband and told him. No response from him, and that was two days ago. Now after sending the email I have this sick feeling in my stomach, like she's just going to send it on to WH and complain about me. Here is what I wrote to POSOW: POSOW,
Leave my husband alone. Even if he is the one that contacts you. You slept with a newly married man 12 years younger than yourself, found out his wife was pregnant, KEPT sleeping with him, and now you want to keep having an affair while our baby is just born? Have some dignity and respect for yourself, if not respect for anyone else. It makes me sick to think you have been around our daughter. No doubt this made you very happy - imagine how you would feel if it was OWH taking your children to meet his mistress. For God's sake, stop being so selfish!
You wrote the No Contact letter. Keep to it and please stay out of our lives.
NP
Last edited by NewPetals; 07/11/10 07:09 PM.
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Did writing and sending that help you?
I see no down side if you feel better.
Take care of your baby's Mommy.
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((((NP))))
So sorry. Not surprised but sorry.
You must go to Plan B as quickly as possible. See a lawyer immediately. Get WH out of the house by any means necessary.
Take care of lil bean and his mommy. Focus all of your efforts on your children. Pour yourself into them. They need you and you need them right now.
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Ugh. I am just sick for you NP. Lawyer up now. I was afraid this might happen. A new baby may be overwhelming for your WH right now, and he's escaping reality again. Plan B hard. Lawyer up. NP  I am just furious for you.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Ugh. I am just sick for you NP. Lawyer up now. I was afraid this might happen. A new baby may be overwhelming for your WH right now, and he's escaping reality again. Plan B hard. Lawyer up. NP I am just furious for you. Ugh x 2. Don't you just wanna kick 'im where the sun don't shine? I agree with what bliss said - lawyer up and Plan B. This is too much. If he won't leave the house, do you have somewhere else you could go? I think this next part, though previously discussed, bears repeating: if you go Plan B, I would recommend total shock and awe/blitzkrieg-style entry into it - he comes home to an empty house, all of yours and kids' things gone, etc. If you're going to do Plan B, do it right - I think his past actions show only the very real threat of very significant consequences have an effect. Just my take.
Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
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I think this next part, though previously discussed, bears repeating: if you go Plan B, I would recommend total shock and awe/blitzkrieg-style entry into it - he comes home to an empty house, all of yours and kids' things gone, etc. If you're going to do Plan B, do it right - I think his past actions show only the very real threat of very significant consequences have an effect. ITA. Your WH isn't staying in the house because he loves the house, but you know that. He is staying there to get all of his needs met. I normally think it's a bad idea for a BS to have to leave the house, but I think in your case it's a good idea. My thought is that you find a place to go (Mom & Dad's?) with the kiddos and all your stuff and let him come "home" to an empty house. HUGE Plan B. Find your IM. Tell him to communicate through your attorney and/or IM. This is just beyond what you should have to deal with.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Are you following me Mrs. V?  As for the letter to OW, Pep is right on. If it made you feel better to send it then fine. If you are expecting/hoping that it will get het to go away, don't hold your breath. I wouldn't bother contacting her again. Waste of time. ETA: I also like Mrs. V's advice on the shock and awe. Blow up his world.
Last edited by mindshare; 07/12/10 09:07 AM.
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Oh my.
So sorry New Petals.
I believe I agree on shock and awe here to.
By that I mean, total darkness. Pitch black.
No love busting if you are faced with him. That would shoot you in the foot. Just don't do it. Detach.
Protect your self in this delicate post natal time and the babes as best as you can.
You are woman. You are the very essence and power of life. You must be strong for those kids and for yourself.
Again, talk to a lawyer and definitely go dark, dark, dark.
(I am dark and it, after discomfort and some grief becomes a safe and nurturing place of self care and revelations. It is really a good place once you are truly there).
May all unfold as smoothly as possible for you.
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